


Handplates: Another ACT

by Witchcraftandwine



Category: Handplates - Fandom, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Handplates (Undertale), Bastard Gaster, Can you change fate, Come with me, F/M, Handplates, I'm Going to Hell, No like litterally a fox monster because I can, POV Second Person, Reader is fox, Reader is monster, Scientist W. D. Gaster, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Swearing, Zarla, reader is female, shameless self indulgence, what am i thinking, zarla-s
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2019-09-16 16:44:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 56,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16957746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Witchcraftandwine/pseuds/Witchcraftandwine
Summary: After you get lost in the dark during a power outage you accidentally stumbles in Dr. Gasters private sealed Lab.  Following an odd glow you wonder what could possibly have power and discover something you never expected to see. What can you do now? You know his greatest secret, and how will he react on being discovered by someone he never noticed?





	1. Discovery

As you moved along the dark hall you kept one hand on the smooth wall not wanting to drift and get further lost.  Power surges and brief outages weren’t totally uncommon with the Core. the consistent energy fluctuations were still being monitored and finding a way of allowing those energy pulses to rise and dip without excessive strain on the system was still being worked on.  

Still…

There hadn’t been a power outage this sever in a long while and as you tried to remember the lay out of the lab you cursed your bad luck.  The problem was that usually you were in a different wing. You didn’t work in this section, you were in food processing and growth studies!  You really had no hand in Core Technology at all, but someone had been busy and some other was in the middle of something (AKA to lazy) to make the trip… and besides, there was the bonus of maybe getting to see _him_.

So maybe you had a… not so small crush on Dr. W.D. Gaster.  Who could blame you? He was brilliant, dedicated, loyal to the king and his research partner Dr Alphys.  In fact part of the reason you had never openly admitted your feelings was that closeness between the two.  Dr. Alphys was certainly more suited to him, she was a lot smarter even if she was terminally shy.

So, you kept your feelings to yourself.  You wanted to tell him and sometimes if you saw him you could feel the words stuck in your throat you wanted to just reach out and grab his arms and say ‘I love you!’  Even if he flat out rejected you, because keeping it all inside was going to drive you nuts one day!  Even if he didn’t know your name… that was ok because you would have said it and those words would have been real… but… you never did...

You told yourself he didn’t need to love you back, you told yourself you were content to watch him from the sidelines and encourage his work from afar, to cheer for him, do all you could in your own work so he could focus completely on far more important things… but… but…

Sometimes, you wilted.  Sometimes the loneliness of your stupid crush made you want to weep.  You wondered about another monster, who was to say you wouldn’t fall for someone else, someone real?  Not some idealized image of a man in your head. But every time you saw him those feelings surged forth.  Every time you heard of a new achievement or saw him walk by in the lab or even when you caught the scent of a cigarette over the smell of magic in the core…

It was so stupid how something so small could make you hurt so much.  When had you even had a chance to talk to him? A handful of times, you were fairly certain your longest conversation with him had been two years ago when you had approached him to propose a request for funding to research black light technology to help encourage underground plant growth for a more vast selection of food.

The barrier was a problem yes but that was a problem that wouldn’t be solved tomorrow, but taking care of monsters was a problem for now they needed more food then the caves on their own could provide.

Oh yes and there had been that one time at lunch,  You had been in the break room trying futilely to understand a book on electronics in a language you weren’t familiar with, no one else seemed to know it either that you could find.  He had come in for coffee, of course this had been before he had found his own coffee machine at the dump and no longer needed to enter the break room.

He’d heard your frustrated huffing and glanced over with a mild curiosity only to explain that the language was called Japanese, and that Dr. Alphys knew it a bit and might be able to help you.

And she had been.

How could you not love him for that? For his kindness? For his intellect?  For his loyalty and determination to do the best by monsters?

Despite all that however… you hadn’t been lucky.

The Dr. had been away for a meeting with Alphys and King, likely to discuss Core stability and other current projects.  So you had a little dejectedly placed the folder in the little ‘in’ box on his desk for him to review when he returned and had left.  You had work after all, and while had he been here, you would have made some rational excuse to stay a little longer to just look at him and dream your private dreams, since he wasn’t here there was no point.

Then the power had gone out.

At first you hadn’t moved, after all the power should have come back on quiet quickly, but it hadn’t.  Eventually, stuck you had tried venturing forward, only to smack into a chair, then a table, then something else!  You weren’t a clumsy person but it was so damned dark!

Eventually you had found the wall and hugged it feeling your way along what you were pretty sure was the hall back to your wing.  There was an edge.. A door frame, ah good. You gently pushed the door and it swung open with ease, oh dear, with the power out it seemed the security locks where down to, hopefully those would re-engage when the system booted back up.  

Some of the most important systems ran on isolated generators for back up during these events but not many.  As you carefully made your way down the stairs you kept both hands against the wall palms flat against the cool metal… oohh it was a little chilly.  That was odd, they were in the hotlands right at the core it should be warmer here, unless you were moving into the thick rock wall, it provided insulation from the heat and kept things at a more workable temperature… but… oh man had... had you gotten lost?

It would be just your luck to have wandered the wrong way.

Well hopefully you weren’t anywhere to private, or maybe you were going the right way but another way around?  Either way you didn’t want to risk those stairs again in the dark so you kept walking. Your claws made a soft clicking on the floor coat and cloths softly swishing as you moved along, the metal was chilly but the pads of your toes kept them from being cold.  The soft thin layer of fine white fur kept you just warm enough.

There was a sound… a low hum of energy looking up you noticed the faintest green glow.  Wait, had the power come back? No it couldn’t have there where still no lights and none of the wall displays where active down here either.  So what was going on?

Despite the feeling that you shouldn’t be snooping you followed the glow. Odds are it was probably some sort of Core processing mechanism running on a generator until the power turned on…

But it wasn’t

You followed the hall drifting from the wall as the glow got strong enough for you to walk without needing it for security… and there it was, in the wall an energy field.  Harsh beams of power blocking off a nook… no… a cell. Inside where two small Skeletons, one was tall and slim and looked a surprising amount like Dr. Gaster, the other was small and a little pudgy his face was rounder and the odd smock he wore was more rounded around his frame, the magic he gave off allowing it to fill out in a more distinct bodily shape, Again, much like how Gaster filled out his own clothes.

It struck you as odd, as far as you knew Gaster was the only Skeleton… wasn’t he?  You were pretty sure, it wasn’t that they where rare he was… the last one… right? They weren’t robots,  Dr. Alphys was the acknowledged leader in that field and even her prototypes weren’t this advanced…

Something caught your eye and you leaned as close to the field as you dare.  No, it wasn't just your imagination, there where… there where metal plates on the right hands of both of them.  You gasped with shock, those were specimen plates! They where for studying experimental subjects and for keeping track of them if anything got misplaced, each plate was magically attuned to the project head,  Each of the UV Lamps you had managed to salvage or construct had one specifically attuned to you… t-these children had… You couldn’t see the initials printed on them, they where to far and the hot light of the beams was affecting your usually stellar vision.

But you were pretty sure you could guess what they would be… b-but why… why would he do something like this?  How had it remained a secret? You rubbed your temples, the only possible conclusion was in your blind movement you had somehow gotten into Gaster Private lab.  The doors! With the power out the doors had been opened. He wasn’t here so he probably never anticipated anyone would be in his office or near it while he was gone because anyone in his team would have known...

“Why do I have the distinct impression I am in deep shit…” you said softly to yourself as the two stared at you seeming just as surprised as you where.

~~**_“You have no idea…”_ ** ~~

The lights came on with a thud and wumph of power as you jumped at the strange garbled voice, turning quickly to meet the angrily glowing eye of the man you admired so…

Yep… deep shit…

You tried not to fall back, it was embarrassing enough that you’d stepped back at all but frankly y-you hadn’t expected him!  Where heck even where you?

“D-don’t just pop up out of nowhere like that?!” You said annoyance surging forth in a weak defence against your surprise.  Two tails where up fluffing thickly in defence as you bare your fangs.  He was less than impressed, either because big yellow eyes where even wider with surprise or because the sharp triangular ears were back against your head with nerves. The fox like attributes of your body where quite similar to that of your animal counterparts, and reacted to emotions in the same way no matter how you tried to hide them.  The bone of his brow arched as he stared at you.

“I don’t suppose you want to give me an explanation for this?!” you demanded keeping a distance between you and gesturing to the two children behind the field who watched with interest.  The rounder smaller one had a strange look on his face as if he was silently mocking the scientist from where he sat. A glint of light caught your eye on his hand and you stilled a hot ball of anger coiling in your gut

“What the hell is going on here?” You demanded again, this couldn’t be possible, “Dr. Gaster I-I need you to explain yourself immediately,  I can’t imagine there is anything you can say that will justify locking up children and… and… plating them like experiments but you damn well better have some explanation for this!” you said angrily relying on that anger to keep you from flinching back at his still unmoved gaze, damn it why?...

Say something…

“They are children, that much is obvious but why are they here?!”

Please say something…

“Have you been blackmailed or something? Is this some kind of sick prank?”

Please… say anything…

“How could you do this?!” you shouted, but he remained unmoved.  Of course he was… You were just you… you weren’t anyone special… you weren’t closely acquainted with the king, or a genius like him or Alphys, your demand for answers would never matter to a man like him.

Your condemnation would never matter to a man like him.

You had known it from the beginning.  You were just a food worker, you didn’t do anything, you where nothing.... Anything you had done would have been done by someone else eventually, it wasn’t special!  You had privately convinced yourself that one day you would pluck up the courage to say something deep and meaningful and he would accept you with open arms! You had deluded yourself into thinking you meant anything to a man who didn’t even know you!

As you glanced at the boys in the cell, you realised you didn’t really know him either…

All this time you had built up such an image in your head based on scraps of information, how could you really honestly have known anything about him when you were to scared to say Hi to him when you passed in the halls?

He took advantage of your distraction and rushed you, you’d never really gauged him as a fighter but the bones he summoned where fast… but you, a fox, where faster.  Just barely. You jumped back lightly claws digging slightly into the floor for purchase as you stared at each other, his expression was complicated, then it settled with determination.

Sometimes you wondered how any monster could ever claim only humans had it.  Determination was passion, it was drive, it was a desire to act, and to continue acting despite challenges or risks!

More bones appeared and you moved dodging each attack, no you wouldn’t fight him you refused to fight him!

MERCY!

You could see the boys as close to the lasers as they could get without getting hurt trying to see what was happening.  You moved making a running leap at Gaster sailing over him, but the halls here weren’t as high as in the main lab. You glanced at the cell door trying to think how it could be opened.  Then there was white, a flash of stars as pain exploded in your head and you felt your body falling the last thing you knew was the feel of blue magic on your SOUL.

 

*

 

You shifted groaning… god damn it that hurt…

You sat up rubbing your head inhaling sharply as you touched the tender lump of impact.  What had happened?... the power had gone out, had you conked your head in the dark? No that…

It came flooding back as your eyes snapped open and you looked around… you where in a cell.

The beams hummed with energy and across the hall you could see the boys the little one was sleeping but the bigger one was sitting as close to the door as he could his hand on the little ones head staring at you his eyes glowing gently as he watched you.

“You fucked this up didn’t you?” you muttered to yourself swinging your legs off the pallet that hung from the wall sitting on the edge of it you tried to think of what you could possibly do… but nothing came to mind.  The fact was you had never been in a situation like this before (well thank god for that but…)

What were you supposed to do?  What could you have done differently?

“Not smashed myself stupid for starters.” you said with a self deprecating laugh you glanced over, the Skeleton was still watching you.  You offered a weak smile to him standing and walking carefully to the wall

“Hi… uh…  Are you ok?”  you ask giving him a weak wave before saying your name.  He tilted his head confused, you frowned thoughtfully. Then tapped your chest and said your name again.  He touched his chest and slowly carefully sounded out your name.

“Yeah there you go... Uh… no…” you expression dropped as he touched the others chest and again said your name.  Crap he thought your name meant to touch the chest... and considering he hadn’t spoken at all yet, you had a feeling he didn’t understand you where trying to tell him your name.

“Uh, O-ok uh, what about you what’s your name?” you asked you pointed to him then frowned and then pointed to your chest

“Name… My name,  your name.” you said gently and repeated your name when you touched your chest again.  He tilted his head he was trying to understand that was good.

“W…”  your ears flicked twitching as a sound escaped him

“WAS...OR… NAM.”  He said slowly carefully sounding out the words, you frowned it was like they were foreign to him.  You sighed trying to think about how you could communicate, but there was a bigger question, but who were they? Name aside where they his family? Was he… were they Gaster's brothers?  God she hoped not it was sick enough he was keeping kids in a cell like animals but if they were siblings?! The skeleton looked nervously down the hall,

“I’m not going to call for your brother I’m not with him, Here see peace, good, uh crap… Oh MERCY.”  you said again trying to give him all the ‘good’ words you could think of, but he only watched you confused.  He could speak but he really didn’t seem to know words what the hell? The smaller one stirred and made a noise.  You frowned wait a second…

It came again it was a strange garbled sound almost like speech through half a dozen speech filters and audio warpers.  This wasn’t the kind of sound a normal creature could make He was speaking … He was using the same language Gaster did! Of course, If they had only ever known Gaster, which was a pretty big assumption but you were pretty sure it was the truth, then they only would have heard his language.  You sighed because you know no one had ever mentioned Gaster having brothers or kids. (You weren’t a stalker you just paid attention to details it was completely different!)

“Jeeze, lets see can you do this?” you asked speaking as you very carefully signed the letters to them.  The little skeleton had shifted and sat up looking between you and the other his brother? Maybe…

They spoke between each other in that odd sounding language before the tall skinny one touched the smaller chest and again said your name, then pointed to you and said your name again,

The smaller one said your name that time carefully sounding out each letter.  There was a sound in the hall and both quickly clammed up withdrawing from the beams seeming to recognize the sound.  You did to, that was footsteps.

 _“You’re awake then, I’ll ask you not to speak with my things, That’s not Data they require.”_ he said shortly his hands signing while earning a glare from you

“Things?  They’re children you son of a bitch!” you snapped angrily  “You can’t keep me here, You can’t keep them here.”

 _“I think you’ll find I can,  No one seems to have noticed you’re gone yet and by the time they do they’ll have no reason to suspect I’m involved. I’ll have time…”_ he trailed off mumbling to himself _“To consider how to deal with this… at least it was just an intern…”_ he muttered to himself.  Your fur prickled

“Intern?  I haven’t been an intern in years you… you… absolute pinhead!” You said angrily unsure what to say, it was difficult to insult a man you had cared about for so long.  He frowned faintly studying you through the bars of energy it hit you he really didn’t know who you where. You blushed fur bristling as he stared at you

“I work in the agriculture division! I’m heading the UV growth project!” you said lip curling as still he seemed to not know who you where

“I’ve petitioned you for funds directly! You helped me meet Dr. Alphys so she could translate the electrical engineering book for me, I’ve tried to find every stupid opportunity to meet with you even to deliver paperwork just so I could see you and your going to stand there and act like you don’t know me?!” You said angrily and… upset to, you really had been lying to yourself.  Pretending it would be fine if he had no idea who you where… it hurt… oh god it hurt so badly.

 _“Well I can't imagine why you would do that… regardless your project can’t be that important, no one has mentioned you in the last 12 hours.”_ he signed slowly as he spoke at least allowing you to understand what he was saying,  he wasn’t using his hands they where jammed in his lab coat pockets, the ethereal blue hands he often used where signing for him.

“B-Because I admired you…” You said voice shaking, why the hell not?  Why not tell him after all, It wasn’t like you were going to last much longer right?  If he could do this to children what was he going to do to you?

“I admired you… I was in awe of your work and everything you did… I-I thought you were brilliant and I just wanted… I wanted…” you grit your teeth before laughing weakly you felt so stupid

“I just wanted to be close to you,  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised… I set you up to be this amazing infallible monster I convinced myself that any faults you had didn’t matter because of how brilliant you where… I honestly thought I wasn’t even worthy of your time.” you look up tear stained face twisting with anger

“But if this is the kind of monstrosity your capable of then I have to wonder if you really are a monster at all this is so much like something a human do to one of us!” you shouted at him he looked at you stunned before his expression fell and he turned away

 _“Well, I hardly need a farmers approval for what must be done.”_ he signed but kept his face from you… was he paler?  You weren’t sure

“So what exactly is the plan here are you just going to keep me here?” you demanded he sighed and then in a surprisingly nonchalant move, shrugged

 _“Well,  until I can figure out another option there's not much of a choice.  Testing on you would be futile, however if you keep making such a racket I may have to find a way to keep you quiet.”_ he said turning to you.  You shuddered shifting back away from the door intimidated.  

Wait...Testing?

“What did you do to those boys?” you asked he paused looking over

“Those things will get us out of the underground.” he said,  Despite the danger something in you triggered, an animalistic instinct that had you launching at the beams. Even knowing you wouldn’t get through he stepped back as you struck them screaming in pain before you were flung back by the force of the energy.  It was a good thing he had adjusted the power output of the beams on this cell to be higher, He wasn’t worried about the Subjects attempting to touch them, they were more of a deterrent than anything but you where an unknown factor so he’d thought to keep you well contained.  He had clearly made the right decision.

You lay panting on the floor near the back on the cell your body hurt aching so terribly you opened your eyes slowly seeing his figure as he stood on the other side watching you a moment you shifted trying to push yourself up.  Part of you just wanted to curl up, why try? But beyond him you could see the boys watching eyes wide shocked and uncertain what to do the taller thin one was simply horrified and the smaller stout one kept glancing between you and the Gaster trying to work something out.

 _“Just stay down, your body will need time to recover after such a jolt.  Despite this I would rather you didn’t die…”_ he said as if… as if somehow that absolved him.  You reached out planting your hands firmly on the floor and despite shaking arms forced yourself up the heavy panting baring your teeth as  you fought for clarity of mind, The problem with being a natural carnivore, Instincts. And yours where raging. The fox wasn’t an inherently violent species but you had your… moments.  Mother foxs for example could be quiet fierce, especially fox's with less tails. For the female fox the number of tails was somehow tied to how many children they would have, a fox with fewer tails was not an attractive prospect to a mate and so defended their young far more fiercely.

As a two tailed fox, the natural inclination to protect young was already very high. Working in the sciences had helped you meditate and learn to control a lot of those aggressive instincts but now you had been thrown into one of the worst possible situations and everything inside you that made you a beast was screaming for you to get out and protect those small beings.

 _“I would really rather you not… Hrmm… They have done a few puzzle tests for me today… If I leave them for the rest of the day will you rest?_ ” he asked you calmly you snarled looking up with a threatening hiss.

 _“I’m trying to be as reasonable as I can,  You really must understand you broke into a private laboratory potentially damaged incredibly delicate work, and possibly compromised an escape from the underground!”_ he exclaimed exasperated while you couldn’t understand the words he spoke the tone was obvious and his signing hands translated for you.  your arms where trembling you wanted so badly to agree… Maybe he could see that because his arms folded behind his back

 _“Do as you like, I have other work to attend to.”_ he said shortly and promptly turned to leave striding away.  You didn’t let yourself fall until you could no longer hear his footsteps,  you arms gave out and you collapsed to the floor panting heavily ears back body weak and limp.  What had happened? Why had this happened? Why couldn’t he just be some closet foot fetishist? Or maybe Had some weird attraction to fish or something… why did he have to be some crazy evil mad scientist?  Why did he have to hurt kids to get them out of the underground?... if that was the cost was it even worth it? The core was coming along, the monsters had settled into a comfortable lifestyle, children didn’t even know the above ground… Was staying down here so terrible?  That it was worth torturing children?

You refused to believe that… there had to be some other way… some other choice… when the boy realised you weren’t going to move from your spot they moved away from the door and sat silently talking between themselves in that strange language of theirs while you quietly watched and wondered what you could even do.  You were just… just a fox. Just a Farmer like he said… how could you do anything for them when you couldn’t even help yourself. When you’d spent years hopelessly infatuated with a man like this?

You didn’t want to lose hope, no… you just felt this way because you were hurt and tired.  Slowly, you curled up tucking your knees to your chest your tails wrapping around you a fluffy shield against the chill of the cell.  When you had rested and recovered… then… then you would think of something...

“I’ll think of another ACT…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so my first time trying to write in this style, The second person point of view is new to me I hope it's ok. Why Handplates? Because it's awesome! Yeah He's a bastard in it but He's so damn complex! And hey whose to say he can't be saved if he's caught early enough, After all there are the Mercy Plates variants.
> 
> So.. uh ... yeah I am trash and this is My shameless self indulgent fic for me that I'm sharing because I have no life.
> 
> Enjoy
> 
> (BTW Handplates belongs to the magnificently creative Zarla-s)


	2. Discussions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So editing because I'm a dork and completely forgot to format the chapter, I am so sorry about that guys.

You were awake before the boys the next morning. At least, you assumed it was morning.  The lights were still off but you felt rested, despite the cold floor. You had ended up staying on the floor.  For one you had more space to curl up in your tails on the floor then on that hanging cot, and for another, you knew you could be a restless sleeper, you didn’t want to jerk in your sleep and fall off the stupid thing.

Sitting up you rubbed sleep from your eyes and yawned stretching broadly plucking at your shirt.  Ugg He had said when you’d woken before it had been 12 hours, Then how ever long you’d slept this time… and the whole day, you’d been wearing the same clothes for almost two days now.  You stood and studied the cell you was in. there was Nothing, Just that stupid ‘bed’ thing, the walls were bare the only sound came from the humming energy of the beams, they were the only light source as well.

Extending your claws you picked at the cell walls, then the floor but there were no separations or groove to snag and try to break off.  You were tempted to try and damaged the emitters but remembering the pain of the day before you decided to save that as a last resort.

You weren’t sure how long you examined the cell you where in you'd never been particularly good at gauging time, but by the time you had finished the boys were awake watching you as studied, probably thinking you where being silly for trying, You didn’t know.  Your ear twitched at a sound and you looked over the taller one had walked to the beams he seemed to want your attention, you stood walking over and offered him a smile.

His eyes glowed faintly and he smiled back, you lifted your hand and waved,  he waved back then he said your name, slowly carefully sounding out each syllable before pointing to you.  You nodded impressed

“Yes that’s it that’s me! You’re so smart!” you praised with a warm smile.  The eyes glowed warmer and the smaller skeletons eyes began to glow as well in response as he walked over grabbing his brothers hand and looking up to him saying something in that same odd language.  You wished you understood it. There where a couple sounds you could sort of remember, correlating them with the signed letters Gaster had used but it wasn’t close enough to begin deciphering what they were saying, but the tone seemed happy, that was good, Hopefully they understood you had complimented them.  

The reaction was so surprised and pleased and you thought about Gaster, what did he say to them?  Did he ever praise them? Probably not, He barely ever even praised Dr. Alphys and they were supposed to be very good friends.  You were beginning to think either he was an irredeemable asshole or he suffered the worst case of emotional constipation you had ever seen.

You shifted sitting cross legged and smiled patting the ground.  They watched a moment before sitting as well. Once comfortable you began a slow process.  Screw Gaster, You were going to talk to them and try and teach them to speak a more common language, they would need it when they got out of here.  Because god dammit, you were going to make sure they got out of here.

 

*

 

The chatter that echoed down the hall when he entered was so cheerful he almost smiled.  It was such an unconscious gesture just a reaction to hearing the small happy voices of children and a woman... Woman?  Oh shit.

He scowled but instead of going to the cells he went to his Study flicking on the light and striding over to the monitors, a second one had been quick and easy to set up to keep an eye on his uninvited guest. They were as close to the beams as possible sitting on the floor and she seemed to be trying to talk to them… teaching them common.  T-That woman! As she carefully enunciated words and gestured to show meanings he noticed the way 1-s absorbed the information. He was so Intelligent no surprise, but at times his cleverness was very troublesome. If she kept at it he was going to learn the language easily. He already seemed to have a rudimentary communication down, between the two of them he was carefully sounding out letters, then spelling out words,  and then repeating the spelling in his cipher.

Much to clever.

He switched on the lights and all three looked up before 1-s carefully said “Lights on… here… Doctor Gaster.” the older skeleton scowled, the subjects knew his name now, they recognized the lights as a sign he had come down for the day, it was time to feed them he glanced at the second screen, and her?  What exactly was he going to do… Her mere presence had already skewed his data his original plans would have to be change… but how? Perhaps for now he could revert to the puzzles, just to see exactly how her presence interfered with their development. Once he had established that he could make a better plan.  Satisfied he made his way to the small kitchen making up a dish for the bo- subjects and then after an internal debate for her to.

 

*

 

You heard him coming before the boys did, shifting you stood staring down the hall and waiting.  Eventually the boys must have heard him to because they stood as well and backed away from the beams,  He had them spooked, or well trained… maybe both. Then you felt it the heavy weight on your soul, you grunted as you where forced down on to your hands and knees arms straining to keep yourself even slightly upright.  Blue magic!

“Y-you s-son of a bitch L-let me go.” you managed He stood waiting a moment then he said something but you hadn’t been looking and missed his signing hands so you looked up watching as he spoke again

 _“You shouldn’t be surprised.  I can’t risk your escape. I won’t bring you this plate until you stop fighting it.”_ he explained, Stubbornly you sent him a glare but stayed up refusing to lay down, the weight was so heavy on your chest.  He gave an exasperated sigh, He’d gotten so used to controlling the subjects who were so much smaller and weaker he could actually feel himself trying to keep you in controle.

Since you weren’t inclined to cooperate he went to open their cell first setting the plate of food on the ground  and stepping back restarting the beams before turning to your cell

 _“Last chance, you can let yourself down and have this plate or let your pride cost you a meal.”_ he said simply.  Part of you was again tempted to give in, what would it cost you?

Everything that mattered now.

So you stayed even fighting straining against his magic managing to get some what upright on your knees panting heavily.  You glared you almost wondered if you should say something but instead you sneered snubbing his offer of food for pride.

 _“Very well.”_ he said shortly blue hands appearing before your face to sign before vanishing he was a little ways away before the magic released you and you sighed sagging weakly.

“Hrmph… I don’t need his charity.” you said… maybe trying to convince yourself that was true.  You would never admit to him that you were hungry, nor would you give in to his force. He could go.. Go.. Eat a plate, like crunch that porcelain and glass and .. oh who cared.

You huffed sitting again before looking at the boys. They were eating eagerly with their hands you sighed not even a fork?  Why was he so determined to make them into things? It was so demonsterizing!

“Hungry?”  you jolted back as the voice spoke it hadn’t been the small one but the bigger one,  According to the plates on their hands they where S and P so the tall one P had spoken.

“Huh?  Oh, No, I’m ok, He can stick it up that bony pelvis if he thinks he can win me over with food.” she said annoyed crossing her arms.  Almost immediately her stomach grumbled in protest. S and P laughed at the sound before S studied the plate before them thoughtfully.  Then he looked at you and said your name drawing your attention. As you looked up something sailed through the bars. More on instinct than anything you shifted mouth opening you caught it and chewed… ah!  He had tossed over a meatball from their plate! You grinned tails wagging

“H-hey that’s your food.” you said laughing impressed by his aim.  The two boys where clapping impressed by your catch, Papyrus tried to toss one as well but it hit the beam Zapped them fell to the floor with a plop.  The three of you stared at it before bursting into laughter. Ok so yes that was funny. S’ laugh was restrained but relaxed while P’s was big like himself, almost a cackle, but not bad sounding.

They almost seemed startled by the sound.

“You guys haven’t laughed much down here have you?” you asked sighing hugging your knees to your chest… these poor kids… you had to do something, but what, if he wouldn’t even stop the beams to feed you unless you were flat on the ground…

“Laughed?” S asked looking at you, you nodded

“That’s the sound you just made, it’s called a Laugh, or Laughing.  You do it when you feel happy or something funny happens, like just then.” you explained, he nodded and translated for P

“Laugh… Like Laugh do more?!” he asked looking to you interested it took you a moment to figure out through his broken words he wanted you to make him laugh more.  You frowned thoughtfully. You weren't a particularly funny person you thought, and you couldn’t really think of any Jokes they would understand

“Uh.. well **Barring** any more interference we should have a pretty nice day!” you said managing a chuckle at the weak pun before sighing when the boys simply stared.  Of course they wouldn’t understand a Pun they barely understood the language. Damn it...

“I’m sorry.” you said with a sigh your ear flicked and you stood quickly he was coming back.

“What are you doing back?  Wanna go another round?” you asked the skeleton.  Gaster only spared you a glance before turning to the boys cell, he’d mentioned testing before you gasped lurching forward hitting the beams it was a hard shock of energy but you braced against it

“D-D-Don’t you dare!” you snarled reaching out between the beams training claws extended as far as they could go as if that might help  He paused glancing back at you

“L-leave them alone!” you snarled pushing harder against the beam Oh god… oh god… oh god…

 _“Enough!”_ He snapped out the command and it was his blue magic not the beams that had you moving back pushing you to the ground on the cell on your back you struggled thrashing against the magic

“NO!  Damn it I won’t let you hurt them their just kids.  Leave them alone!” you declared angrily, He sighed pinching the bone between his eye sockets before looking at you writhing on the floor

 _“I am not going to hurt them.”_ he said shortly blue hands hovering in front of your face so you could see what he was saying.  You slowed

“Oh?  And why should I believe you?!” you demanded relaxing,  as you did he eased the pressure of the blue magic until you could sit up, ghostly blue fingers gently probed the singed fur and fabric on your chest, belly and face where you had pressed against the beams.

 _“Because your presence has forced me to change my initial plans, Now I must evaluate them based on your being here.  These evaluations will involve basic puzzle solving and IQ tests, absolutely nothing that with harm them in any physical or emotional way.”_ he said curtly.  The tone was clipped indicating the words where said with annoyance.

“Oh no My being here stopped you from further maiming small defenceless children I am such an asshole.” you said with sarcasm,  he sent you a look before you both turned as S suddenly piped up

“Asshole.” he said simply then considered the word before looking at Gaster

“Asshole.” he said shortly as if testing it and Gaster reaction, the Skeleton flushed faintly and cast you a glare

 _“Look at what your doing!”_  he signed before turning to S and addressing him his hands waiting as he did so, because of that you didn’t know what he was saying to the boy but judging by the poe faced expression He was being chastised for his language.  

 _“If you insist on teaching them common At least refrain from such vile language!”_ he said startling you as he returned his attention to you.

“Hrmph… I guess on that we agree… I hadn’t really been thinking about it, but you have to admit. It certainly suits you.” you sneered before sighing and staring at him

“Just IQ tests?” you said still unconvinced he nodded slowly watching you as you smile

“Well, then you can do them right here.” you said simply

 _“E-excuse me?”_ he said stunned as he stared at you at a loss for what to think or say.

“I said th-”  a hand covered your mouth

 _“I heard you but tell me why should I do that?”_ he demanded annoyed

“Well because I don’t trust you as far as the kid could throw you for starters.” you managed wrenching free of the ghostly hand and staring at him he huffed out a breath

“And secondly if you don’t I will scream I'll scream and scream and scream So loud and so long eventually someone will hear me and come investigate, or you'll lose your mind… one or the other.” you said with a smile when he glared at you before tossing his hands up

 _“Fine!  It’ll hardly matter in the long run but fine!”_ he said exasperated before stalking off grumbling something under his breath not bothering to sign it, but you figured it probably wasn’t very flattering descriptions about you.

The two boys looked at each other talking quickly in the cipher before S looked at you

“W-wha did you do?” he asked carefully you sent him a smile

“Well since he said he was just going to give you puzzels today I told him he could do it here where I can keep an eye on him.” you said primly S frowned while P brighten up

“Lee?  Oh! Good so Good!” he said enthusiastically bony hands clapping together with delight the clicking sound of the bone hitting each other was kind of cute and you wanted nothing more then to pull the boy into a hug.  When Gaster returned he showed you the paper with a look of annoyance

 _“Satisfied?!”_ he demanded angrily, no not angry he was… annoyed, frustrated but not mad.  You studied the pages and finally nodded

“I guess it’ll have to do for now but you know…”

 _“No Enough not right now.”_ he said quickly shaking his head  Not wanting to scare him off you sighed and nodded standing and trotting over to the cot moving the lay down while Gaster stepped into the boys cell handing both a sheet and a pen before walking out and sitting holding a pen and clipboard he watched them study the pages.  Curiously you sat up and watched as well. After he read over the page S had settled into the work While P frowned, curious you move forward peeking at Gaster clipboard

“So… what kind of test did you give them?” you ask, he looks up at you a moment before huffing out a breath and shifted sliding a sheet free and shoving it under the beams for you to see.  You crouch and pluck up the page looking over it and scowling

“What the heck is this?!  This is an Advanced IQ test!” you said annoyed looking at him he glanced over grunting

“They can’t do this it’s way to hard!” you exclaimed he sighed

 _“Subject 1-s Is actually quite capable, these tests are the only level right now that even begin to challenge him intellectually.”_ he said with a hint of pride in his voice you scowled

“And his brother?” you demanded at that he faltered.

 _“He is…”_ he glanced at 2-P frowning slightly the skeleton boy was focused on the page but seemed to be drawing rather than writing

“You can’t demand they function at the same level, it’s completely unfair.” you said he frowned

 _“Oh and how is that?”_  You stared at him stunned then it hit you, this was a man of science… and data.

“Because you’ll get skewed results when you fiddle with numbers like that” you said quickly he frowned turning his full attention to you now.

 _“I beg your pardon?”_ he said stunned

“If you judge a monsters intellect based on the exact same test you end up with unreliable data based on a singular event.” You said firmly when he didn’t scoff yo pressed on “Let me put it this way, if you take a monkey, a bird, and a fish and demand they all climb a tree then judge them on it your results will tell you the bird is a cheater and the fish is incapable.” you said, he nodded as you spoke

“This is because you are judging different things on one system, Is a bird a cheater because it gets up the tree a different way?  And is a fish stupid for not getting up there at all?” she asked he rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

“You’re asking two different boys to do the exact same thing but then you judge one less than the other because he doesn’t perform as well.”  at this Gaster raised a hand to stop you.

 _“I’ve tried many different tests his results are always the same.”_ he pointed out and you sighed

“Different questions don’t mean the method is different.” you said he blinking coughing

“Y-you didn’t notice.” you said stunned he shifted “I’ll bet if you worked with him you would find he is very smart, and just as capable as his brother.” Gaster frowned at this suggestion almost scoffing. He doubted that, even from the beginning 2-P had been far less intellectually inclined than 1-s

“You know for a genius I’m surprised you would try and fit a square peg in a round hole like that.” you said crossing your arms resisting the urge to grin when he frowned

 _“And what exactly do you mean by that?”_ he asked, you were just beginning to annoy him, on one level, because as he considered your words he realised you might be right… but on the other your smugness was irritating.

“You know I’m trying to teach them common language, and you know what I found out just in this short time?” you asked  Gaster sighed when you didn’t immediately explain

 _“What did you find?”_ he asked

“I found that S is a very Liner thinker, like you, and P is a round thinker.” you said  He frowned completely confused by your statement.

“While I worked on teaching them S was very easily able to process the correlation of the letters of common and your cipher,  he was then able to string them into words and draw the line from the cipher meaning to the common meaning of the word. But P Understood visuals better.  He realised my name was my name faster than S, He was a little confused at first but when He gave it some thought after a few more attempts he understood through my tone and my gestures that I wasn’t telling him that My name was ‘Chest’ I was gesturing to myself and saying my name so he knew what to call me.” you explained.  He frowned thoughtfully he seemed to be remembering something.

“S is helping him Learn Common but P is learning it faster through gestures and examples then by translating the letters individually.  He’s just as smart as S, but in a different way, I also think he might need glasses.” you said frowning as you watched the boy Gaster's hand paused in his writing

_“What makes you say that?”_

“Isn’t it obvious?  Look how close he is to the page, and he’s squinting.  He’s obviously struggling to see, that would also mess with your test results, If he can’t even read your questions how can he hope to answer them?” you pointed out

 _“T-The point is moot I…”_ Gaster stumbled, He had known 2-P had bad vision,  But he had simply brushed it off as nothing to be concerned with, but she had a point, his test results where based on his poor ability to even read the questions.  It was completely unreliable data, h-how could he have overlooked such a Key factor. The odd look on his face had you shifting you felt… kind of bad. You shouldn’t it was good that he felt bad He was being a terrible person and he wasn’t even doing it right!  Or… something, anyway the point was his actions were awful and now they couldn’t even be justified with valid data because he’d screwed up something so important…

“I-It… um… You know everyone misses things… even a genius… if you get bogged down in little details or, are determined to see a specific result things might get overlooked.” you said slowly rocking slightly blushing faintly as he turned his attention to you

“I-I mean You’re still an absolute Jerk for what you did to them but You’re not exactly Mr. Perfect so of course your going to make mistakes.” you said quickly looking away, The boys had looked up and where watching curiously as you two talked.  S must have caught or understood more of the conversation then P however because he was looking at Gaster with angry suspicion.

“Honestly though if you’re worried about reliable data you might as well scrap everything you have so far.” you said Gaster jolted turning his body to you fully leaning on his left hip

 _“What why?!”_ he demanded

“Look at them, dirty smocks, one little shelf for a bed, no mental stimulation, being forced to eat with their hands!  If you wanted to do testing on animal behaviour you should have picked animals but this? What exactly are you hoping to gain?”  You asked

_“The sub-”_

“Boys, They are boys, It’s bad enough you didn’t name them but you can at least acknowledge they are sentient creatures with feelings who understand what's happening even if they don’t know why!”

_“I can’t do that!”_

“And why not!”

“Well?!  What’s stopping you why do you insist on calling them tools, why do you treat them worse then pets, Why are you doing all this testing?”

 _“Because if I’m going to get us out of the underground I can’t afford to see them as anything more than a means to an end!”_ he bellowed panting as he stared at you there was a long stunned silence as you stared at each other.

“You said that last night… that they would help break the barrier but how do you expect them to do that?”  you asked your voice shaking he flinched back

“Tell me How!”

 _“You wouldn’t understand… I have… to do this,  When everything is over and I’ve succeeded… it’ll be…”_  he trailed

“What?  It’ll be worth it?  Is that what your saying?  Sacrificing children is worth it?” you demanded he flinched drawing back drawing in

“Oh no you don’t.  Don’t you start shutting yourself in on this W.D. Gaster!” you said fiercely he jumped looking at you with utter shock, No one talked to him like that No one except…

“Now you listen here I may not be a genius but I know for a fact no one will be happy if you sacrifice children to break the barrier!”  he shifted flaring

“I’m not finished!” you boomed

“You are a grown man but here you are acting like a child, what is it some kind of Martyr complex?  ‘I have to do this’ No you don’t, no one has a gun to your head, No one is forcing you, You’ve deluded yourself into thinking this is the only option and it’s stupid and self indulgent to act otherwise.” you stated with a huff

“How are they even supposed to help? Do you know?  Do you know what to look for? Everything I know indicate we need human souls to break that thing, Do they look human to you?” you demanded he looked away refusing to look at the boys

“Look at them and tell me are they human?!”

_“No!”_

“Then what's the point?!  You have to have to know this is madness, totally unacceptable behavior with no good outcome!”

 _“What else can I do to save him?!”_ he demanded the question so fierce you were stuck  What? Save who? He was glaring at you no not glaring… actually his expression was too complicated to really say what it was but… H-he seemed to be legitimately asking her for an answer

“I-I… you… If ‘he' needs you to save him, then Save him, not everyone… and ask yourself, If you saved him at the cost of these children.  Would he think it was worth it?” you said gesturing. He stared at you a long moment before taking a deep breath looking away but not at the smaller skeletons who where avidly interested now

 _“This is pointless, you can’t understand.”_ he said turning and stalking off leaving the boys with their papers blinking confused.  W-well… what was that all about?


	3. Desperation

He paced, well, more like stalked around his office grumbling.  What did she know, she couldn’t begin to understand He had to do this!  He had to make these choices so Asgore didn’t have to any longer! Each soul weighed so heavily on the monster Gaster was terrified he would crack.  He had been an indomitable force during the war, Killing had taken so little effort then. They had saved him, a small cowardly skeleton who hadn’t wanted to fight….

He scowled frustrated and unsure what to do about it he tossed the clipboard on his chair… and missed staring as it hit the floor with a jarring clatter.

Someone had to do something.

Toriel was gone, The king was alone desperately trying to keep a sand castle together against an incoming tide.  Gasters fists clenched before relaxing his fingers opening his hands slowly to look at the holes in his palms. One hole for each boy, fragments of himself,  his sons….

NO!  

He couldn’t think of them that way he couldn’t! They weren't anything more then tools, constructs of magic and science that… that…

He thought about 2-P  His open happy nature, It reminded Gaster of his youth, of a time before war had brought the brutality of reality crashing down on top of him.

1-s So effortlessly intelligent, craving knowledge soaking up whatever Gaster gave him like a sponge and then wanting more.  He walked to his desk looking at the screens, they were talking again. She was explaining things to them, warmth, cold, comfort…  all useless, pointless Data that would serve nothing… just give them more to want.

Things shouldn’t have wants…

Boys…  She called them boys, she treated them no differently than anyone else.  Would she treat them differently if she knew where they had come from? Maybe…  He glanced at her personnel file, the folder on his desk wasn’t very thick, She had not received any disciplinary actions… but nor had she done any notable things,  She had simply focused on her work. Agriculture… A farmer. He had said it with such contempt earlier but now he thought about it, it was important, They needed food.  And what was it like for monsters like her? She was undoubtedly a carnivore. For a monster like here being trapped down here with such limited resources? With no meat. 

At least he could eat.  At least he could…

He sat watching them talk a while longer before standing.

He would show her… yes… He’d show her and then she would understand,  She would stop this farce. Pretending the subjects where anything more than tools.  Yes, she just needed to know… just be shown.

There was no MERCY in this world…

 

*

 

He was coming back,  You weren’t sure why, After what happened earlier.  His outburst had been… unexpected. You weren't sure what to do or how to handle him, it was strange but that moment of helpless desperation, it had hit you hard.  What was going on in that head of his?

You felt the blue magic weigh you down and despite your instincts this time, you allowed it shifting and laying down arms crossed however to look at him annoyed when he stepped into view.

_ “I want to show you something.” _  his hands moved carefully, almost haltingly like he was uncertain this was a good idea.

“Oh yeah?” you asked with a short snort what was it?  IQ tests?

_ “I need you to cooperate with me,  If you don’t try and run… I will release my blue magic.” _  At that you faced him fully ears perking something was going on…  You where… interested. 

“Okay… I promise not to run, heck with the power back on where could I go anyway.” you pointed out.  The pressure eased slowly as if he didn’t fully believe you. Slowly you sat up but didn’t stand you stared at each other a long time, tension was palpable, he was internally debating something even the boys where quiet watching… waiting…

He moved and set his hand on the panel on the wall beside your door the beams dying. But he didn’t move ready to bring them back the second you tried something.  But you didn’t you simply sat and waited. When he finally seemed comfortable he gestured for you to stand

_ “Come with me.” _ he said you looked at the boys and they watched apprehensively, S seemed like he wanted to say something but couldn’t

“Where are we going?” You asked as he led you from the cell block there was a main hall with a door in each wall, the one behind you obviously going to the cells,  one ahead of you and one to the right these were open hallways then on the wall to your left was a door, this one had a panel like the sells and probably more security that must have been where you had entered the day before.

He kept going straight and you followed, for a moment his movement was awkward almost slower then you would have expected then he sped up his pace and you realised he had been unconsciously tempering his stride for shorter legs… for the boys.  You tried not to smile, despite what he said, his desperate attempts to convince you… maybe he was fond of them? Was there hope? He stopped again another panel, the door opened and he stepped aside he wanted you to go in first, shrugging you did so.  The lab you stepped into was very elaborate some of the equipment was state of the art and for a moment you lost yourself in pure delight.

“This is amazing!” you rushed to the computer console, so much more advanced than anything you had in your lab you studied the readouts on the screen a moment before two platforms caught your attention they were circular and had remnants of a blue suspension gel…

“Gaster what is this place?” you asked turning to him nervously he pulled his real hand from his pocket and opened it showing you the hole in his palm.

“Your lab accident?” you asked pausing to glance back oh god was he going to cut of your hands?  For a moment you couldn’t escape the hysterical thought and backed away from him nervously. He seemed to guess your thoughts because he cast a glared at you

_ “Stop it, I’m not about to cut chunks out of you.” _ he snapped before walking over and inputting a few commands gesturing for you to approach,  you watched him a moment before moving over to look at the screen. There you could see two cylinders holding something white as you watched the screen shifted a 3D model beginning to take shape the two strange circles in the cylinders expanded taking the shape of.

“Oh my god!”

You stepped back shocked as you stared at the green lined frames of the boys on the screen their physical data coming up written in his language.

_ “Do you understand.  They are nothing more than tools, constructs of science built to Hn!” _  he was cut of as you grabbed his shirt front dragging him to his feet

“YOUR SONS!?” you shouted fighting to breathe… breathe, breathe why had he… because he wanted you to… oh god… breathe!   Your hands shook but didn’t let him go his feet just barely touched the floor his brows had furrowed slightly but he started at you unmoving

“Y-you made two children… they are your children… why… why would you do this to them?” you asked voice shaking as slowly you lowered him not letting go however.  His hand glowed faintly blue as if he was going to try and restrain you but something held him back. Perhaps he could tell you simply didn’t want to hurt him.

“Those boys are your sons and your doing this I… I just…”

_ “They aren’t they are just-” _

“They are!  For gods sakes stop lying to yourself and look at the screen look at them! They are your sons, they come from you are made of you!” You said shifting your grasp on him to turn him so he faced the screen

“These boys are yours, and from what I learned from P, they just want you to go back to how you where.” you said softly he frowned

_ “How I was?”  _ They had been to small surely they couldn’t didn’t… remember…

“Before those things, before you hurt them that way…” you said softly running a hand down along his arm fingers covering his hand you lifted it pressing it to the screen so that you both could see S’ frame through the hole

“You are proud of them… Proud of your accomplishment.  Proud whenever they do well… You know they are more than tools… You know they don’t deserve this.” you said softly shifting arms wrapping around him from behind holding tightly

“You need to save someone… Maybe I even know who… but you can’t do it this way, not at the cost of them… not at the cost of you…” you said softly he was trembling, you could feel it, faint tremors that caused the softest clicking noise

“I’ll help you… but only if you stop hurting them.” you said finally he stilled trying to pull away but you held tight

_ “What are you even saying?  You can’t possibly… There’s… Nothing you can!” _  he gasped as you pulled him back against you again.

“We don’t know that.  You don’t don’t know that, and can you really dismiss and offer of help if your so damn determined to protect that person?!” you asked releasing him he staggered a step forward before turning to you.

You stared at each other a long moment.

This wasn’t right, he thought.  He had brought you here to make you understand what he was doing. He had brought you here so you would stop seeing them as anything real.  But you persisted. Ripping away the walls he had built around those small truths of what they where and how he felt. Baring his SOUL to all those things he had been trying desperately to ignore.

“Give me your notes.” you said softly he looked up shocked by your words

_ “What?!” _

“Give me a copy of your notes,  everything you’ve recorded about the boys so far.  I know you would have kept a log of the data, let me read it, Deciding to let me help won’t be easy, You don’t know me from adam, but… If you do decide to, then Maybe by reading your notes I’ll have a better idea of what you were aiming for.” you said carefully.  He seemed to consider this a long while before sighing you gasped as you felt the heavy weight of blue magic on your body lifting you from the ground

“G-gaster what?!”  you struggled but off the ground you had nothing to fight with so the struggle was ineffective falling still you covered your face with your hands as he took you back to the cell not releasing you until you heard the beams power up with a strong hum.  You had tried… you had thought maybe… for a moment he had listened to you…

Maybe…

He made a noise and you looked up the blue hands appeared and he began to speak.

_ “It will take me a little while to put it all together, for now I’ll bring you my preliminary notes from during development.”  _ he said looking away from you,  h-he was going to let you see.

“A-alright. W-what ever you have on hand for now will be great.” you said quickly he shifted glancing at the boys pausing seeing the sheets on the floor before sighing opening their door and stepping in to collect their tests and the pens before locking them in again and walking off

“What did you see?” S asked once he was out of ear shot.

“I-I don’t know how to explain it…” you said softly before shifting moving to the little cot and sitting

“But… I think he needs as much help as you two do. He’s trying to save someone but he’s doing all the wrong things, He’s so desperate.” you mumbled softly before looking at the boys S just looked confused while P nodded

“Sometimes… before these, he would let us out and we could sit with him while he was working, He’d let us sit and play in the same room, one time we played a rattling game and I noticed he was watching us… I think he’s lonely.” P said S sighed angry and annoyed

“Why are you both still on his side?!  Look at you, obviously your someone like him but he just locked you up as well, as soon as you do something he doesn't like he’ll hurt you or hurt My brother to punish you!” he snapped frustrated 

“Punish?” you asked stunned S nodded “He’s hurt us before.  No… He hurt my brother before b-because… because of me….” he trembled his little bones clacking P shifted instantly at his brothers side holding him 

“No no it wasn’t your fault!”

“Yes it was, if I hadn’t… If I wasn’t…” he managed weakly You stood walking to the beams

“No.” you said firmly startling them both

“Nothing that’s happened is your fault and do not let yourself believe that.” you said firmly “He’s doing this but I swear to you I am doing everything I can to change it… No one should be suffering, No one… So… so I’ll find a way to help all of you I promise.” you said firmly with no idea that as you spoke He watched from the office holding a folder fingers shaking slightly. 

 

*

 

Why, why was she so confident?

He almost hated it.  He didn’t need her help, he was perfectly capable of doing this on his own He was the only one who could do this… but already she had pointed out flaws in his process… things he had overlooked that had nothing to do with the darker aspects of his plans… things he had ignored in order to ensure he got the results he wanted to see.

He looked at the folder, all of the notes had been recorded in the computer system and he had back up files, so he wasn’t worried about letting her have the hard copies.  He wondered if it was possible. Could she help him? Did he need it? He certainly hadn't been sleeping much splitting his attention between this and the CORE.

He frowned thinking about how she had grabbed him in the lab,  He didn’t like being touched, He had only let Asgore and… and Toriel touch him for the longest time after… after the war… At times he could still feel it, the large warm hands holding him cradling him as he helped him settle his breathing as the queen refocused him so he didn’t hyperventilate.

‘Her’ hands were smaller, tipped by sharper claws, befitting a beast he supposed.  Everything was necessary for survival, for a carnivore Sharp fangs tearing claws, they were perfectly suitable for hunting prey.  He had to think of it that way otherwise he couldn’t explain why he found those smaller hands… interesting. Solid.

This monster barely knew him, even if she worked in the same lab clearly they had not spent a lot of time working together, if any at all, he certainly didn’t recall.  Even so she seemed to think she could ‘save’ him, it was silly really, he didn’t need saving Asgore did. Why had he shown her that room? Why had he told her the truth?  What had he been hoping for really? He should have known she’d still feel defensive of the bo- Subjects! Subjects…

It wasn’t just her earlier displays, he knew a large part of that was a natural inclination of Fox monsters but their brief interaction had given him a fairly clear assessment of her personality type, Abrasive, maybe obnoxious, protective of those who needed it.  He vaguely remembered the Foxs during the war, They hadn’t been front liners simply because of the uncontrollable nature of blood lust. Carnivore monsters could go into a blood rage making them dangerous to anyone around them… friend or foe. Even without blood she’d been aggressive when she’d first seen them.

Another attribute of foxes,  She only had two tails making her all the more aggressive.  He could only assume she had no actual offspring, a fox with only two tails leaving the den to work if they had kits?  Impossible.

She was determined to teach them though wasn’t she?  He shifted settling in his desk chair and watching. She was shaking slightly.  Cold? Her injuries from the field hadn’t seemed very server but it was reasonable to assume she was cold.  Even with her fur it was quite cold here, the thick rock insulating them from the heat of the core.

She was telling them a story, curious he flicked on the mic, sometimes he shut it off for the sake of silence but he was a little inter-  He should know if she told them anything he needed to cover or correct. The last thing he needed was them being full of mindless fantasies.

 

*

 

“Standing among the lights the small monster looked up with her arms out she danced laughing and singing with delight.” Your voice was soft as you told the story watching the boys you smiled Using your hands to make shadow figures on the wall behind you when you could.

“These lights weren’t true stars but she was joyful  This gift was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, the world was a small place and yet she felt like she had been given the universe in those few moments.” she said seeing the way P’s eyes drooped S was already asleep and P wasn’t far behind him curling up against his brother and snuggling

“And so, the little monster, with joy in her heart, knew that even if she were trapped good things could and would still happen, and she resolved to do her best to share her joy with others.” she finished as P slipped into sleep You wished you where with them, then you could at least cover them up,  Did they feel cold? You couldn’t be sure, you simply didn’t know enough about Skeletons to know.

_ “She was a foolish child.”  _  the hand that appeared made you jump, looking up at Gaster you blushed faintly

“Y-you think so?  I think that she was just hoping to do her best.  Sharing happiness isn’t a foolish wish.” you said fighting back a shiver when something caught your eye.  Before you could ask he slipped the blanket through the beams letting it slip to the floor

_ “As a skeleton I am not as affected by drastic temperature change, I forget others can be sensitive to it.” _ he said watching as you stood.  You walked over picking up the blanket thumb brushing the material before smiling and to his shock pushing it back out to him

“Give it to them.” You said simply.  He stared at you stunned before scowling

_ “Why?” _

“Because they need it. Even if a skeleton doesn't feel the cold, a child knows… they huddle together seeking comfort, for someone so small the soft comfort of a blanket can make a world of difference.” you said grinning “Is that pretentious?” you asked he felt himself color faintly.

_ “It’s stupid… I only have one. _ ” he said trying to bait you

“That’s ok I have fur and my lab coat, so please, go cover them up? You don’t even have to wake them or any anything or even touch them if you can’t… just…”

_ “Fine!... Just, stop talking.” _ he said exasperated.  He turned from you placing his hand on the panel for the boys’ cell  stepping in as the beams faded he opened the blanket and with a surprising gentleness laid it over the children you watched as, for a moment he paused watching the small sleeping faces his expression complex and unreadable as he stared before he blinked seeming to come back to himself he straightened quickly and swept from the room almost slamming his palm on the panel to reignite the beams before he wavered he looked vaguely green and when he staggered she moved reaching out to catch the shoulder of his lab coat

“Woah… woah easy there.” you said quickly watching as he touched his forehead

“You alright?” you asked nervously as he blinked  he pulled away fixing his skewed glasses 

_ “I’m fine, I simply stood to quickly.” _ he said shortly he was… embarrassed… It was so cute… god damn it…

“When's the last time you slept or ate?” you asked seriously easing you arm carefully through the space between the beams saying nothing about the pain of having hit an already tender area with more of the powerful energy you needed to stop touching these beams!

_ “I… I am not positive.” _ he said shortly making you scowl

“God why are you so dumb sometimes?!” you asked hands planting on your hips pain forgotten in your annoyance.  He scowled

_ “I’ll have you know I am an unparalleled genius of our kind!” _ he snapped offended

“And I’ll have you know even children know not to starve themselves!” You retorted he flushed

_ “Are you calling me a child?!” _ he exclaimed the shock clear in his tone You snorted

“No I’m saying you’re worse because even a child knows to eat when they are hungry!” you snapped back before reaching out and snagging the sleeve of his coat

_ “W-what are you doing?!” _ He spluttered as you dragged him forward and forced his hand on the panel

“I’m making sure you eat.” you snapped irritably as the beams died. He stared at you in a mix of shock and confusion on how to respond. Keeping your hand on him you drag him down the hall so annoyed that it took you a moment to realise you… didn’t even know if there was a way to feed him, was there any food down here?

_ “T-there’s a kitchen at the end of the all there…” _ he muttered seeming to realize why you had stopped you nodded and proceeded to drag him there he almost stumbled trying to keep up with your long angry stride as you grumbled about impractical actions and irresponsibility and a few other less flattering things he couldn’t quite hear.

“Sit.” you said once you where in the small kitchen he jerked free and stared at you almost petulantly

_ “You have no right to-” _

“I said sit.” you said shortly He huffed but he did as you ordered moving to the table he sat arms crossed, once you where certain he wasn’t going to move you began to explore the kitchen it was easy enough to get your bearings and once you took stock of everything you began to quickly slice vegetables

_ “If I’m here I’m making coffee.” _ he said standing you turned tails whipping out

“No, If your thirsty have water.” you said shortly

_ “I’ll have coffee if I want coffee your in no position t-” _

“You can have coffee later.  The reason you got dizzy is because your lacking in fluids and proper sugars provided by the right food You are a genius so stop pretending otherwise.” you snapped he stared at you a moment but finally walked over and instead of going to the coffee maker grabbed a glass and filled it with water glaring as it filled before returning to the table.

_ “I do not appreciate being ordered about.” _ he grumbled you shrugged

“To damn bad, if you can’t take care of yourself then I’ll just have to do it for you.” he huffed out an annoyed breath

_ “And why?  Wouldn’t it be better if I got myself killed off, then you wouldn’t have to worry at all about the b- Subjects.” _ he said stiffly correcting himself quickly  you noticed though and you hesitated in your food prep before sighing and setting the knife down you turned to him

“Doctor Gaster, You may find this hard to believe but You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for the sake of others.  Do you have any idea how painful it is to have someone die for you?” you asked shaking your head not noticing that he had paled slightly

“I can’t begin to explain how awful it is to watch someone you love waste away, slowly killing themselves just to save you.” You said softly shaking your head

“So, Since I hate for anyone to feel that way I guess I’ll have to keep you alive, After all you can’t save this mystery man you care about so much if you pop your clogs.” you said primly turning to him,  He said nothing for a long moment before sighing and turning his attention to the glass of water. It seemed he wasn’t going to say anything for a while because the blue magic hands he used for signing had vanished… well that was ok he didn’t need to talk to eat.

You Finished slicing the vegetables and laid them neatly on a plate before finding a dressing in the fridge and pouring some in the middle so he could dip into the slices and sticks if he wanted to before walking over and setting the plate in front of him

“These will have to do for now.  All of these vegetables are best for boosting your blood sugar, and your iron, If you don’t want to keep having these spells you need to stock up on Nuts and fruit, and if you can find it Honey that's really good.  You also can’t skip meals, even if all you do is carry an apple in your pocket and eat it when you get a bit hungry then at least you’ll have something in your system until you can sit for a proper meal.” you explained and sat arms crossed on the table you watched patiently.  It took him a moment to realize you were going to watch and make sure he ate everything with a huff of annoyance he snatched a carrot stick… and began to eat.


	4. Deal

You sat in a companionable silence as he ate watching with a faint smile chin in your hand elbow propped on the table  he began to turn slightly pink before he huffed

_ “Why are you staring?! I’m eating aren’t I?!” _ he exclaimed obviously annoyed  despite yourself you laughed gently

“Yes you are and I’m glad, but I’m staring because I’m glad.”  he frowned munching another carrot stick before swallowing

_ “Glad about what?” _ he asked annoyed

“Glad that you’re letting me do this.” you said he paused shifting then coughing

_ “You hardly gave me any choice in the matter… You’re terribly forceful, it’s unpleasant.” _ he said in a clipped tone you couldn’t help laughing again.

“I guess that’s true, I hate to see people not taking care of themselves. It really pisses me off… You know?  I think it might be worse if that person is hurting others and can’t even be bothered to take care of himself almost like he’s crying out desperately for help but refusing to let anyone here it, so he’s punishing himself for being a horrible monster!” you said brightly he stared at you with a flat expression

“What?  Am I wrong?” you asked tails swaying slowly behind you he sighed shaking his head slowly

_ “I suppose not.  Everything I’ve done… I’ve done…” _ he hesitated

“Yeah yeah break the barrier save monster kind… save it.” you said annoyed by the excuse though that annoyance vanished when you noticed he was staring quietly at the plate

_ “Not monster kind…” _ he mumbled you might not have heard it if not for your sensitive hearing you shifted sitting up, he had your full attention now you leaned forward slightly ears up twitching slightly waiting he sighed

_ “You know of the king's decree?” _ he said carefully  You nodded, it didn’t take a genius to understand he was talking about the rule about humans… and human souls

_ “Each Fallen human so far… has been a child.  And each one who has made it to him, he has killed so that he can break the barrier and free us all… and with each human he kills A little more of him breaks.” _ he said softly he was looking off, not at the wall but off some place else

“You want to break the barrier so he doesn't have to kill anymore.” you said softly,  he nodded

_ “There has to be a way, I know there has to be a way to do it, Something that won’t require him to keep doing this!” _ he snapped a fist hitting the table, despite the force of you you didn’t flinch

_ “That’s why all of this is pointless, that’s why I made tools that why this needs to be done I can do this because he can’t I ca-”  _ he gasped as you grabbed his wrist pulling him close the plate fell and shattered the sound harsh as you stared at him

“Are you hearing yourself?” you asked softly your voice dark a low growl of threat

“Are you really so stupid to think that this is what he wants?” you asked shifting close your eyes had gone molton with your anger

“Your going to save him by breaking him?” you asked he looked sharply up at you glaring

_ “And what do you mean by that?!” _ he demanded

“I said it before but it seems you weren’t listening Doctor.” you said with a hiss, “He will not thank you for this…” you said softly leaning closer until your nose almost touched him, he smelled like cigarette smoke and something chalky Why… why did he have to…

“If he ever found out that you sacrificed your own Sons, or any child in some desperate and probably impossible bid to open the barrier, it would shatter him!” you said hand shaking You wanted to help him, you had to help him understand.

“If your half as weak in front of him as you are down here he’s probably already worried sick about you!” you exclaimed about to continue when something else caught your attention, you ears flicked and you stood so fast the chair clattered to the floor as you let him go

“S?” you said softly listening closer then darted from the room, Gaster scrambled to fix his glasses before following, 1-s had such delicate health had something happened?  For an instant a shiver of pure terror for the skeleton ran through him as he followed you at a run unable to keep up but following not far behind 

_ “Don’t!” _ he ordered catching sight of you getting ready to ram a fist into the lock panel he jogged over looking inside 1-s was shivering snuggled into 2-Ps arms fighting back tears casting him a glare Confused Gaster looked you

_ “What is all this about?! I thought something had happened?!” _

“Open it!” you roared he flared he’d had enough of being hauled, around, judged, and yelled at by some … some… woman!

_ “No, they are both in satisfactory health there is no reason for me to.” _ she lunged for his hand obviously intending to force him like she had before, the was a wild frantic look to her eyes

“No they are not! Look at him He’s crying clearly in emotional distress!” you countered Gasping as he used blue magic to push you back

_ “And 2-P is there, he hardly seems in distress to me regardless.” _

“Are you stubborn or do you honestly just refuse to see he needs someone!?” you demanded 2-P looked between you and Gaster it was weird he had never seen The bigger Skeleton so… fired up.  There was a color in his eye but because of the strong glow of the beams P couldn’t make it out… but it was there. 

“I can do it.”  The strong voice piped up causing both adults to look at him You relaxed a little

“W-what?” you asked softly  Gaster watched silently

“I can take care of Brother, When we feel bad.. We take care.” he said smiling

“So… no bad angry?” he asked it was hard to respond seeing his hopeful expression  You shifted glancing at Gaster than the boys S was silent not sure whether he wanted to demand comfort to put the Doctor in an awkward position or if he should agree with his brother.  You moved kneeling in front of the beams, Gaster had released his magic once he noticed the anger was gone replaced by something much softer

“O-oh I don’t doubt it kiddo, but you shouldn’t have to do that alone, that’s why I’m here, To make things nicer.” you said softly offering him your gentlest smile scooting closer you reached a hand through the beams Palm up, unfortunately you couldn’t do anything about your claws and he eyed them a moment before carefully reaching out and settling his hand in yours While both S and Gaster watched one with fascinated apprehension the other with annoyance.

“It’s not bad… I’m not mad or angry at you,  Your a very good boy, you both are.” you said softly, your voice soothing and easy, the last thing you ever wanted was to frighten them.  Gaster spoke but you didn’t see his hands focused on P the way you were smiling gently your fingers slowly curled around his small hand

Gaster spoke again a little more forcefully and this time you deliberately ignored him, no, no you where going to just sit and hopefully he’d release the field.

You had an instant to realize he was using blue magic again releasing Ps hand as you were thrown back into your cell scrambling up you shouted as he sealed you in again

“Gaster stop! Let me out now!  At least let me be in with them it’s cruel!” you implored looking up at him he scoffed and jamming his hands in his lockets strode away without looking back you sighed head dropping 

“Sorry.” P said softly you looked up abruptly shaking your head 

“What? No no you didn’t do anything wrong.” you said quickly, P nodded

“He told us to stop, he said ‘enough’, You couldn’t understand him though… but I could.” he said softly regret in his voice you shook your head again

“No P, it’s not your fault.  I-it’s mine…” you said sighing “I shouldn’t have snapped at him like that, that's not the way to solve this.” you said running a hand through your hair this whole thing was so complicated.

“What he’s been doing to you is terrible, no matter his reasons, and he has a pretty strong reason, or well he thinks so anyway.  Regardless of that Getting mad at him, lashing out it’s not the way to fix it. But…” you sighed it was already painfully obvious the two boys didn’t know anything about other monsters.

“I’m a fox monster,  Not a skeleton you understand this yes?” you said both boys nodded S sitting up to listen his attention caught at the prospect of new knowledge.

“Well, because I’m a fox monster I have certain instincts.” you explained S shifted “What is Instincts?”

“Instincts are, hrmm how to put it, It’s a drive, something deep inside your SOUL that tells you to do something.  It’s a very very powerful force hmm, You protecting each other, that's an instinct.” you said, though frowned slightly you might be a bit wrong on that but it was enough for them to understand what you would be explaining.

“My instinct is protective to.  Very much so, especially of children, unfortunately My instinct to protect can be… aggressive.” you admitted sheepishly  “Normally I’m not so bad, I had worked very hard to learn a level of self control so I could work in the lab, A fox is usually used as a defence or attack position, we aren’t… heh well it used to be that monsters didn't think we were very smart.” you admitted sheepishly

“Anyway, I’m struggling against these instincts, But also following them as well, I want to protect you two I want you to be happy and comfortable and treated the way children should be treated, But, I don’t want to hurt Doctor Gaster, or attack him… but, fighting that part is very hard, especially because you’re kids.  Defending someone older it’s easier to ignore that demand, but for a fox, especially one like me? It’s very hard to fight the need.” you said one tail draping over your lap you stroked the fur gently rubbing it between your fingers

“I need to get better control of my temper if he’s ever going to listen to me, to see me as more than a beast and my opinions as valid.” you said though now you spoke mostly to yourself as you shifted leaning against the cell wall head tilting back to stare at the ceiling.

“You did help.” S said drawing your attention, he held up the corner of the blanket… Gaster had left it,  he could have taken it back before leaving just to spite them all but… he had let the boys keep it…

Despite yourself… you smiled.

 

*

 

You were pretty sure three days had passed when he spoke to you next.  Certainly the lights had gone off three times, and he had come to feed you and the boys at what seemed to be regular intervals,  He brought the boys more tests and on the second day left a pile of papers with them and let them keep their pens he mumbled something about collecting the extra papers later… but he never did.

The first morning after you had fought you had woken to find a thick folder on the cot. And folded neatly under it, a thinner blanket.  When he’d brought food you had thanked him but he simply grunted and went off not looking at you more then in passing.

Snuggled in the blanket you read his notes.  

It was an interesting insight into what went on in his mind,  the boys meeting each other. Their initial attempts to learn to walk outside the tubes.  You almost laughed when you read about how P had attempted to ‘eat’ Gaster's hand cluing the older monster in that they needed food.  It was almost cute how slightly clueless he was about caring for them, but his notes gave her an impression of a man fighting between duty and desire.

He had begun to soften, then something had happened.  

You weren’t sure what, was it P trying to hold his hand?  You couldn’t be certaine, that was the last log entry before he had gone back to his sharp clinical notes and had applied the plates to the boys.  But anything could have happened between unfortunately you had no way of knowing short of asking him, and Gaster didn’t seem inclined to speak with you right now.

You read them over, and over and over hoping to find something, anything to indicate what had cause him to suddenly switch but nothing.  He had been growing fond of them you where certain of it!

The second day you Borrowed P’s Pen while the boys played some kind of game (Which had, startlingly enough involved P popping off three of his fingers! They had quickly reassured you this was perfectly normal for Skeletons.)  As they chattered in a mix of common and Gasters Cipher you began writing notes and your own observations about Gasters behavior on the folder as you had no blank papers and Any attempts to get some to you had ended up with burned sheets or papers drifting uselessly to the middle of the hall.

So many instances where he had scratched out words and thoughts.  And notes indicating he knew the boys fonts? Now this you didn’t understand fully but apparently the letters S and P derived from them S apparently came from Comic Sans and P came from Papyrus.. But how that related to how they spoke?  You had no idea.

His notes stopped abruptly making you think that this must have been everything had had until this point,  There was a vague comment about a meeting with Dr. Alphys in the last entry, none of them where dated but you’d have bet G that it was from the day of the power out.

The third day was spent mostly teaching the boys more words, explaining things about outside the lab, Telling them stories you remembered from childhood, anything you could teach them, they were so curious so eager to learn,  children naturally where but you wondered if the desire for knowledge particularly in S was an inherited trait.

The fourth day, before the light came on you woke to find him standing outside the cell he was studying you quietly before e lifted a hand you flinched bracing yourself for blue magic but instead the hum of the beams died and you peaked an eye open.

_ “It occured to me you might wish to bathe.” _ he said simply.  You nodded standing and following him the bathroom wasn’t very large just big enough there was a toilet even much better than that terrible little cubicle he had been letting you use before.  Sitting on the sink counter was a pair of grey slacks and a darker grey roll neck sweater folded neatly waiting. 

_ “I’ll be right outside, knock on the door when your finished.” _ he said leaving the room and locking it behind him.

You took your time soaking in the hot water, relaxing muscles that you hadn’t even known you had! Until you'd spent almost a week sleeping on a hard floor,  rolling your neck your shoulders arching your back bones popped and joints eased making you sigh almost groaning in delight… 

ooooh yeah….

As the water went slowly tepid you washed up idly thinking about how you would never take getting to take a bath for granted ever again. Grabbing the towel you dried off then shook hard fur poofing out slightly spiky and damp even with the vigorous rubbing of the towel.

You dressed in the clean cloths he had left, you didn’t want to complain but you’d dressed without underpants.  After that many days? Ugg so not healthy or good… or ugg they should probably be burnt or something… With your cloths bundled all together you knocked on the door and waited as he unlocked it.  You took a breath cool controle, what you needed was to be reasonable not snappy and aggressive. You could do this.

“Thank you for the bath… and the cloths, I appreciate it.” you said he let out a breath seeming to consider something

_ “You won’t for long, Since you seem so determined to see them treated differently… than you can be the one to do it.” _ he said shortly for a moment you didn’t quite understand what he was talking about.

_ “You wanted to help me?  Then you will help, You will feed them bathe them and teach them, if you really think this can make a difference, If you really think there is some other way to Help him… Then I will look into it.” _ he said with a deep and heavy sigh Seeing your expression both the glowing blue hand and his normal one went up to stop you from speaking.

_ “There are conditions however.” _ he said shortly effectively silencing you

_ “You must remain here.  Until you can prove to me, or I find some other way of Saving the king, then My original plan will remain on the table.” _ he said watching you, it was a testament to you confidence that you nodded, it wouldn’t matter you would do this.

_ “There will be things I do not want you to teach them, I have those outlined in a document I have prepared for you.  If there are things you need you can ask me, I may or may not provide them depending on what they are.” _ he said simply.  His terms seemed agreeable (well for him anyway)  so you nodded and after a moment of thought held out you hand

“Alright Gaster, I accept your terms I’m going to show you they aren’t tools, and your going to learn exactly how you can save the king without hurting anyone.” you said firmly to his credit he wasn’t surprised by your conviction as only hesitated a moment before taking you hand and giving it a firm but briefe shake.

_ “Well you may as well get started.  Since you have the more sensitive nose here I assume your first order of business will be to wash them.” _ he said briskly.  You blushed but nodded then something occurred to you

“Clothes.” he paused glancing back

_ “Hmm?” _

“They need cloths, real cloths, not those smocks.” you said he frowned thoughtfully before sighing and nodding 

_ “I can arrange that while you wash them.” _ he said simply.  Satisfied you followed him back to the cells,  the lights where on here, he must have turned them on while you'd been in the bath the boys were awake and moving, P was on his belly legs swinging as he drew on one of the papers while S was sitting and playing with the arms of the odd Bunny they had made out of pillow stuffing.

As you walked up they looked up P standing quickly and smiling then he caught sight of Gaster and stalled hesitating and glancing down, obviously nervous to interact with you after what had happened last time.  The Skeleton sighed and walked to the panel surprising both boys when it powered down they looked at him, then you then him again confused, you shifted crouching and hold out a hand smiling

“Doctor Gaster said I can give you both a bath, what do you think?” you said gently  Sans frowned not to impressed with the idea but P rushed over taking your hand eagerly

“Really really?!” he asked enthusiastically,  seeing how happy P was S slowly hopped off the cot and walked over eyeing Gaster with suspicion the whole way before he looked at you

“Are you going to rub us with a hard brush?” he asked almost deliberately like he was trying to make you angry at Gaster again,  the bitterness was clear you shook your head

“No,  I will use a washcloth to get some of these pen stains off though.” you said reaching out and rubbing a thumb across his cheek bone.  He blinked then stared at the smudge of ink now on the pad of your thumb he reached up touching his face apparently he hadn’t even know it was there

“How long was that… Brother!” he said blushing indigently while P chuckled

“I thought it was cute!” he said  you stood offering your hand to S who stared at it a moment then tentatively reached out and took it, like… like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed.

Oh Boy… this was going to take time, she just hoped Gaster would let her have it.  Gaster watched the byplay silently then turned 

_ “I’ll find those clothes.” _ he said shortly walking off and leaving the happy trio to their chatter.  You led the boys to the bathroom as P chatted happily his hand firm in yours his other occasionally reaching up to touch your hand as well as if marvelling that you were holding him at all.

You ran the bath mindful of the temperature you liked good hot baths but for children and skeletons (whose bodies you didn’t know much about) you simply didn’t want to risk hurting them.  They stripped off the green smocks, only as clean as they where because there was simply no dirt down here to get on them, they certainly didn’t smell nice so you ran the water in the sink and tossed them in to soak while you washed the boys while they could wash themselves pretty well you offered to at least clean their skulls,  S hadn’t been sure so P offered to go first, and was immediately praising you. With thick suds on your hands you used the pads of your fingers to gently massage the bone mindful of your claws, sleeves rolled up to your elbows you gave him a little massage fingers moving over the whole smooth surface of his head as you cleaned it, his eyes closed and he sighed in contented bliss which got S’ attention and he began to shift obviously wanting a turn, so you carefully rinsed the soap from P and gestured for him and S to swap places, then did the same for him.

As you washed you began to hum absently not really thinking about it until you noticed both boys were staring.

“What?” you asked confused P smiled

“That was pretty, what was it?” he asked curiously it took you a moment then you blushed

“O-oh! Uh well… um it’s called humming.It’s not really singing but it’s a way to make music.” you said sheepishly, “I do it sometimes when I’m relaxed… Guess this is the best I’ve felt in days if it’s the first time you’ve heard it.” you said Pausing fingers lingering on the curve of S’ Head

“What's singing?” S asked at this you really stumble

“O-oh well.. I-it’s when you use your voice to say words in a rhythm that's pleasing.” you explained and as you expected both P and S next asked you to sing

“W-well I-I’m not really.. I uh… I guess…” you fumbled.  You weren’t a terrible singer you supposed, and you enjoyed music, but singing to people was such an embarrassing idea.  But, they were just kids. So taking a breath you sang a little verse you words shook a little before your simple enjoyment of the song eased you and you finished strongly.  The boys stared, quiet a long moment unnerving you before they erupted in to clapping

“Wow!  I like that a lot it’s so pretty sounding!” P exclaimed you laugh sheepishly

“W-well thank you, There are monsters who can sing even better, so well they can make it their jobs.” you explained strangely, absurdly pleased they had Liked your singing.

“Jobs?” S questioned, you nodded

“Yep, I’ll explain that later but basically those monsters sing so well that people want to give them money to hear more of it.” you explained, P frowned thoughtfully and then spoke confidently

“Well I think you are the best singer!” he said firmly, the childish declaration, while simple and said with his limited outside knowledge, warmed your SOUL.  

“Thank you P.” you said warmly his smile brilliant as he resumed playing with the water.  You rinsed the soap off S and now the Little bones where all clean you leaned against the wall arms crossed

“You can play for a little longer then It’s time for breakfast I think,  I’m going to teach you how to eat with cutlery.” you said lightly, the boys nodded slipping back into the Cipher as they talked and played with the bubbles and splashed each other… then you, it seemed you had been accepted by them quiet quickly.

 

*

 

Watching the bathroom feed Gaster frowned slightly.  In the interest of privacy he hadn’t looked while she’d been bathing, He was a scientist not a voyeur.  He’d only even installed a camera there because once the boys had been old enough, and to prevent attachment, he had left them to bathe themselves.

He’d been surprised to hear her first the humming, then the singing, she’d been rather shy about it, uncharacteristically so, but to his surprise rather then denouncing herself or denying P’s compliments she’d thanked him and told him of better singers.  He wasn’t used to that. Usually when someone was embarrassed about something or their ability to do something they invariably fell back on ‘I’m not that good’ or ‘It’s not really great’ insulting themselves in a feeble attempt to fish for praise and compliments.

She hadn’t

As the boys climbed out of the bath he watched her take the thick towels and begin to dry them off, She was soaked now from the splashing fight and despite himself he had found himself chuckling along with their playful laughter.  It had been a while since he had heard the sound and he hadn’t realised he missed it…

She certainly had a way with them, even 1-s who alternated between silent judgment and accusations had brightened around her.  The drastic change was so… unexpected, there were reservations, when she wasn’t looking he noticed 1-s would watch her with speculation, as if waiting for the shoe to drop.  He supposed he couldn’t be surprised, While he had never been as affectionate then her he had been ‘kind’ to them before he had made his choice.. But there was something there, sometime when the smaller b- subject looked at her, that permanent smile on his face seemed, more honest.  He thought of how they would greet him with smiles once. How they would be eager to learn or just be with him. 

He shook his head shoving that away mentally, No, this was a foolish distraction,  it would never work, he would indulge her foolish ideals long enough to catch up on his work, and maybe even rest a little so as to not arouse suspicion, but… but then he would return to his work.


	5. Dreaming?

They were delighted by the kitchen, the concept of making food had never really occurred to them after all Gaster always brought the food to them they had never seen it made before.   So you let them sit in chairs by the counter and watch, you enjoyed cooking that's probably why you went into agricultural sciences instead of a different field. Cooking brought back all your best memories, and making different things you remembered from childhood warmed you.  S and P peppered you with questions and you calmly explained what you could. In an almost automatic gesture you lightly smacked P’s hand when he reached curiously for a knife that was too close to the edge of the counter.

“Those are very sharp and dangerous, they are not toys ok?” you said gently reaching to grab a spoon when he caught your eye as he stared at his hand.   

It was weird, Gaster had punished them for making mistakes before but that had been so… light he was confused, wasn’t punishment supposed to hurt?

“What’s that?” S asked pointing to the next vegetable automatically trying to redirect you from P he was so used to trying to get Gaster's attention away from his brother when he was mad.

“Are you mad?” P asked nervously despite his brothers efforts, he didn’t want to make you mad, he was really happy to have made such a wonderful friend.

“Hmm?  Oh honey no why would I be mad?” you asked surprised he shifted pointing to the knife

“Because I almost touch bad thing.” he said it took you a moment then you chuckled Of course,  After everything they had told you… You hadn’t even thought about it the movement had been so automatic, just like how your mother had warned you away from knives when she’d taught you to cook.

“Is it because I smacked your hand?  No, I’m not mad, I don’t want you to hurt yourself that’s all, did I hit to hard?  I hadn’t thought I did I’m sorry.” You apologized he shook his head still staring at the hand more astounded than anything else.

“Hmm… no not hurt… was...” P said thoughtfully trying to figure out the word for it but unable to You smiled

“Surprising?  That’s how it’s supposed to be, you don’t need to be hurt it’s to get your attention, help you stop if your doing something dangerous.” you explained moving the knife away 

“Sharp things can hurt you badly if you’re not careful, and I don’t want you hurt.” you explained easily as you went back to slicing vegetables, Turning the stove top on so the pot could begin to boil.  They asked a lot of question but you managed to keep up well enough, they were curious about everything, and when you had sat them down with the vegetable stew and offered them spoons they needed to be shown how to hold them,  It seemed they had always eaten with their hands, and had never had soup before. 

“Well I enjoy cooking so you’ll get plenty of variety with me here.  It’s better for you anyway your both still growing.” you said lightly which led to another conversation.

“What do you mean by growing?” P asked curiously.

“Well, you're both still children, but as you get older, and your magic matures you will grow, your bodies are a construct of magic as your magic gets stronger you’re bodies will get bigger as a result.” you explained he nodded thoughtfully.

“So you and Him must be very strong.” S said You chuckled

“Sort of, the thing is, we’re bigger because we’re adults now, Our magic has reached the peak of it’s maturity, we won’t get any stronger than this without a lot of very very hard work, and Well, I know I don’t want to, and I get the feeling he doesn't want to either.” you said thoughtfully, though you couldn’t say for certain.

“Will we get as big as you?” S asked frowning,  he was so much smaller, so much weaker, the idea he might grow up and be stronger was something he latched onto quickly, so he was disappointed when you shrugged

“I honestly don’t know,  for one thing I don’t know much about Skeleton development, and for another there are no real guarantees when it comes to growing up.  You could be as tall as me, bigger, shorter, it all depends on your magic, and you.” she said honestly he sighed knowing he’d have to be satisfied with that for now, glad you had at least given him an honest answer instead of trying to lie.

“I think I will grow up to be the best skeleton ever.” P said with abundant confidence you couldn’t help laughing lightly

“P I have no doubt about that you are certainly the most exceptional child.” you said warmly, you stood gathering their dishes and waved them over

“Now, aside from fun things I’m going to teach you practical things as well, and that includes cleaning up after yourselves come on then.” you said they pulled their chairs over again but instead of letting them wash, for now you made them watch, you explained the hot water and why, the soap, the importance of drying the dishes, until everything was clean.

“Seems like a lot of extra effort…” S said with a slight frown But P seemed absolutely enthralled,  these boys might have been kept in isolation and treated like tool but they had such distinct personalities.  More proof they weren't tools.

“Yes I guess it is but it’s worth it not to have bugs in your house, or bad smells.  Or getting sick from mold and germs.” you pointed out, S sighed not entirely convinced but not denying what you said either.  Once the dishes where done you helped them put the chairs back then taking their hands you turned to the door only to stop when you Saw Gaster there, his expression was flat and unreadable… how long had he been standing there?

It took a second to notice the box in his arms

“O-oh are those the cloths?” you asked quickly recovering the boys where looking at the box curiously P’s eyes were riveted on the end of a red scarf that dangled from the box.  He set it down and nodded before also setting down a sewing kit. You were surprised by that, a sewing kit? You weren’t sure what to think about him having something so... Domestic, and it wasn’t something quickly purchased either it looked well used… well loved.

“ _ 1-s is shorter than I-  Then 2-P you may need to hem some of the clothes for them to fit. _ ” he said simply turning to walk off the boys ran to the box excitedly before he could get away

“Thank you!” P declared as they looked at the assortment of clothing fascinated.  You where watching him closely so you saw him flinch hunching his shoulders slightly at the grateful tone the boy had used.  What had he been about to say, you knew just knew he hadn’t been talking about P when he had first started speaking… Whose cloths where these?  You had an inkling but as he’d already progressed (in your opinion anyway) quite a bit, you didn’t press the matter and instead joined P and S at the box sitting cross legged you showed them how to dress properly and then sat back as they tried on all sort of shirts and pants.

P seemed to favor brighter colors you noticed, anything with even the smallest splash of color was tried on,  while S tended to stick to dark neutral tones, favoring blacks and greys, like another skeleton around here. You kept quiet about that, neither where in the right place mentally for that kind of comparison.

“Well, he was right, I’m going to need to sew some of these.” you said rubbing your chin as sans held up his hands the sleeves swung off the end of his fingers for quite a few inches, You beckon him over and roll up the sleeves for him so they sat comfortably at his wrists

“That’ll do for now, at least the shorts aren’t a problem.” you said grinning as you plucked at the fabric around his knees making him chuckle.

“What about me how's this?” P asked eagerly hoping forward.  He had kept the scarf through all the cloths changes but had settled on a grey top with bright blue stripes on it and some old jeans it looked like.

“That looks great P, here lets get your scarf right.” You said reaching over and adjusting it so it was more secure, and the end didn’t dangle so far

“There we are, it won’t get caught on things like that.” you said softly before moving and collecting the cloths P had picked, set the sewing kit on top then put S’ choices on that to keep them seperate.

“Alright, we’ve done so much already Hrmm what should we do next?” S sighed

“How about we take a nap I’m tired.” he said P scowled

“Brother your always tired.” he said exasperated.  Actually, now that he mentioned that you had noticed it to.  S slept a lot more then P, even Gaster was more careful with him.  Judging from what you’d learned. Then the notes, he had mentioned…  you frowned you’d have to reread that section,

“You know what actually I think a nap might be a good idea.  You’ve experienced a lot of new things today already.” you said warmly taking pity on the smaller skeleton you picked up the box and walked with them back to the cell pausing at the beams, they weren't on and pushed against the far wall where two small single mattresses.  They were thin but they had sheets and the two blankets were spread neatly on each. Nothing else in the cell had been touched, though Papers that had been near that wall had been shoved aside.

“Oh wow!”  P rushed in hopping onto one of the mattresses bouncing happily

“Oh! Oh Brother come come it’s so soft!” he said delighted.  Amazed S walked over joining his brother and bouncing as well his sleepiness momentarily forgotten in his amazement.

“What are they?” P asked you and you moved sitting on the edge of the cot

“Those are beds, well, mattresses.  People sleep on them, they make sleeping more comfortable because they are soft and can provide better support for the body then a flat surface.  It’s also good because you can get more restful rejuvenating sleep….” you trailed. After all there was only one person who could have done this… but… you hadn’t said anything about it.  You glanced up you knew he was monitoring you somehow but you couldn’t see the cameras, you hoped he could see your smile.

 

*

 

Impulse was a damning thing.  As he sat at his desk scribbling notes about CORE adjustments trying not think about what he had left in the cell his attention was caught by the shouts and laughter he looked up at the screen seeing the bo- subjects bouncing, then ask her about the new addition.  As she explained he nodded to himself.

Of course, why else would he put something like that in there?  If he was going to get reliable results the boys needed to be well rested, it was a scientific point that well rested children tested far better, obviously that was the only reason he had bothered.

He saw her smile and swore softly turning his attention immediately to his notes, he was also cutting her off at the knee, it was logical she’d ask for something like that next so by arranging it beforehand now she had no reason to bother him for a while.

Despite this he looked up as she stood,  time to nap for a bit, no more bouncing. They didn’t want to ruin their mattresses did they?  He frowned, and to his surprise she moved the two mattresses stacking them so they would be even softer the boys settled cuddled together, S already drifting as she moved,  she covered them with the thicker blanket and he felt something clench in his gut when she moved gently pressing a kiss to each skull

_ His _

He jolted shaking his head

_ “Hmph, what a waste of energy.” _ he muttered shaking his head.  Now she wouldn’t have a place to sleep, and if she thought he was lugging out another one of those bloody things she had another things coming!

Instead she went to her own cell and collected the folder and all the papers she’d had then went back to the boys settling the papers aside she pulled the box over and dugout S’ pile of clothes and the sewing kit.

He wasn’t sure what had possessed him to give her that.  He glanced at the photo he had pulled from it… then slid it back under his keyboard.  It hurt to much to look at it.

Folding the hems of the first shirt she began to sew.  She obviously wasn’t a sewer though, she hadn’t bothered with pins and was holding things in place between her clawed toes as she looped the needle up and down muttering when the too long thread inevitably got tangled.

He was surprised when he chuckled.

So she couldn’t sew,  it was nice to know there was something she wasn’t good at.  Irritating creature. The boys were falling hard into hero worship, though just keeping them occupied that morning had already made a difference,  he’d rested, had a coffee had a cigarette and managed to catch up on a couple reports regarding CORE Upgrades before he had even dug out that box of his old cloths.

Well no point in any of this if he didn’t use the time to work so he went back to his notes.  Soon enough though he was distracted again… she was humming.

He looked up, she was still sewing but she seemed to have settled into an OK rhythm with it now, he was almost amused by how she wasn’t adverse to even clutching the needle in her mouth when she needed to untangle the thread. All the while humming softly.  He didn’t know the tune but it was soft and soothing, the boys slept on peacefully, soon their slous began to glow snuggled under the covers for a moment, just a moment in this quiet, private space where no one could hear or see… maybe he felt a pang of envy for the cozy domestic look of what he saw.  Maybe, Just maybe… he wanted it for himself…

 

*

 

The boys slept on and while you enjoyed children, you also appreciated the quiet,  The hems where crooked… hopefully that would be ok, Needless to say your talent did not lie in hand crafts,  which seemed odd since you were so good at cooking but oh well.

“At least they are relatively the same length.” you said to yourself holding up the last shirt,  One sleeve was maybe a little longer than the other? Maybe? You side folding the shirt and setting it aside and flipped open the folder, you’d have to take measurements of S’ arms and legs, hip to ankle, shoulder to wrist, that would make things easier… you should have thought of that before… Oh well

_ “You pamper them to much.” _

The sudden appearance of the hands made her jump as she looked over blushing faintly “N-no I don’t, I pamper them just the right amount.  Children need love to grow.” you said primly as you looked at him he sighed blue hands moving as he held out another folder

_ “These are the subjects I want limited,  If you’re uncertain about something not on the list ask me, After they wake up however… Bring 2-P to me.” _ he said You frowned eyeing him

“Why?”  you couldn’t help it, the suspicion was there after everything a couple mattresses and some clean cloths weren’t going to remove what he had done.

_ “If you are going to teach them he will need to be able to read and see what you teach him.” _ he explained shortly his meaning dawning on you

“Oh! You mean… well… alright.” you said after a moment standing you walking over taking the folder he held out and opened it, Most of the topics where reasonable, though interestingly he wanted you to limit what you taught the boys about humans, and the war.  That was curious but you didn’t say anything, 

“I can work with this.  I think for now we’ll focus on language and maths though, anything else is just going to go over their heads if they can’t understand half of what I’m saying.” you muttered absently he nodded agreeably shifting and pointing

“ _ This page here is there approximate education level based on their most recent scores.  I believe 1-s is more capable but holds himself back when testing alongside 2-P, Perhaps so he feel less inad _ -” he cut off as you slanted him a look he coughed frowning a moment

“ _ Perhaps... so he feels they are on an even keel _ .” he rephrased instantly you smiled, it was a little startling just how brilliant and open it was, you smiled so easily, sort of like the bo-Damn Subjects! He clammed up but you didn’t notice.

“See it’s not so hard to say nicer things,  We might just make you a good guy yet Doctor.” you said Nudging your hip against him he scoffed but didn’t argue. It was a silly thing for you to say but, he didn’t seem to hate it.  Standing companionably you looked over and discussed the rest of the document, neither of you noticed that P had woken as was watching silently. 

He felt strange seeing the two bigger monsters standing together.  Him and Her, He was a little less scary now, and She was so nice, She was soft and gentle and said so many nice things, She must have liked him and his brother a lot because She was often teaching them things, and then there was how She had swatted at his hand,  She hadn’t hurt him at all, She didn’t want to hurt him. Thinking about it he was lulled by the soft sound of their voices and slipped back into sleep he felt so warm, so happy.

You frowned glancing back to look around the cell tails swaying slowly before turning to Gaster who was watching you curiously, you realised you hadn’t said anything just abruptly turned away.

“Actually I was wondering about were I’ll be teaching them, I mean should I do it here?  I feel like they should learn in a different room.” you said he frowned thoughtfully seeming to consider before he seemed to decide on something.  As he thought you had watched his face, his expressions where a lot more open when he was thinking, there was something about it you thought you could watch for aes.  Hoo boy, your crush was showing.

_ “I have an unused lab I’ve been storing things in, I suppose that would work… Come with me.” _ he said briskly and began to walk off.  You followed easily, noting he paused after a few steps and walked back deliberately placing his palm on the panel locking the boys in… darn you had hoped but well maybe it was still a bit too early to expect him to change his behavior completely.  He was still trying to cling to that emotionless scientist side of himself. You where starting to see it more for what it was, it wasn’t deliberate cruelty, he was trying to protect himself. The man who was leading you through the lab had been broken in some terrible way, and had never mended,  maybe because he never got the chance, but more likely, because he didn’t know how. 

Trauma affected people in different ways,  you had your own issues after all, but instead of cutting people off,  you had thrown yourself eagerly into all the things you loved most, you had grieved with joy and it had worked for you, you doubted it would work for him , Hopefully spending more time with him maybe you could figure something out?  Then again you weren’t a psychologist what did you really know about any of that? 

But you wanted to help him…

Maybe your feelings had to do with it, it would be a lie to say they had been completely destroyed by your discovery.  Deeply shaken yes and you wanted to hate him for what he had done, how he had hurt the boys already but… but…

You blinked as you realised he had been speaking his hands signing to you but you hadn’t processed any of it

“S-sorry what did you say?” you asked quickly he sighed not impressed before repeating himself as he opened a door

_ “I was saying that this room should be sufficient.  Some boxes will need to be moved but there is a table and a few folding chairs, it shouldn’t be an issue to set up a black board.” _ he explained as you stepped into the room.  The boxes were full of machine parts and wires some furniture, more boxes contained books your ears twitched as you looked over the covers interested before nodding and turning to him

“Yeah this should do great.” you said warmly rolling up your sleeves “You wouldn’t happen to have any cleaning supplies would you? I might as well dust while I’m moving things around.” you said as you moved and picked up the first box and walking over to set it against a far wall, the room was about the size of the cell wide and a cell and a half long asfar as you could tell, how many feet was that?  You had no idea, you just weren’t able to eyeball that sort of thing.

_ “I’ll see what I can find.” _ he said after a long moment as you picked up and moved more boxes, as he walked out you wondered what he was thinking, he seemed confused by something but really for all you knew he could have some sort of stomach cramp… or something…

“I’m an idiot…” you muttered fingers lingering on the cardboard flap of a box pausing as you pulled it back frowning curiously documents… well great all these file folders where going to be heavy,  You shifted bending your knees to get the strength to pick up the box, huffing out a breath, sheer stubbornness preventing you from waiting for his return and asking for help.

And of course that stubbornness, as it had before got you in trouble.  

You weren’t fully sure what you stepped on, just that it was cold and round and possibly metallic judging by the sound it made when you stood on it,  you did pretty good as you staggered back trying not to fall back the weight of the box throwing off your equilibrium, heck you probably wouldn’t have fallen at all, except of course, right at that moment gaster returned starling you and as you turned to warn him to watch out your feet just went and you where tumbling with a squawk of absolute shock.

You hit the ground hard binders and papers scattered a couple hitting you as they rained down but you where a little surprised, you honestly expected a face full considering how you had fallen.  Opening your eyes carefully he was there…

No way, this had to be some sort of weird weird dream right?  Maybe you had fallen asleep while sewing there was an arm under your shoulder an attempt to catch you?  His hand was up and the box and most of its contents where floating above you carefully he set it down willing the binders and papers he had caught back into it.

“Are you… are you ok?  I’m so sorry I, I don’t know…” you managed weakly scrambling up to look at his arm god it wasn’t broken was it,  he scowled studying it a moment flexing and curling his fingers before bending his elbow then huffed out a breath and sending you a look

_ “I’m fine, no thanks to you. What were you thinking lifting such a heavy box?! _ ” he demanded you blinked before scowling back at him

“I was cleaning! It’s not like I was planning to fall maybe if you didn’t leave so much Junk lying around this wouldn’t have happened.” you pointed out gesturing to the bits of scrap littering the floor he sneered

_ “All of these scavenged parts could be highly useful.” _ he snapped you stared at him a second before ….you snorted

_ “W-what?!” _ he demanded shocked by the noise, you were shaking for a moment he almost reached out his fingers flinching back as a sound reached him, you were… laughing…

_ “What's so funny?” _ he demanded glaring at you, wiping at one eye you sighed

“We are.  Really that and your glasses are crooked.  You can’t really intimidate me when you look so rumpled.” You pointed out, he flushed coughing and fixing his glasses before staring at you waiting for your chuckles to subside.

_ “What do you mean by We are funny?” _ he asked seeking clarification, he frankly didn’t find anything about this funny.

“Oh well, aside from arguing like a coupla old ladies,  We’re getting mad at each other, for not taking care of ourselves.” you said lightly before sighing He frowned watching you a moment before standing  you thought he was going to leave but a rustle of cloth caught your attention and you looked up, he was slipping off his lab coat and had tossed it across a chair.  You watched as he rolled up his sleeves then sent you a look

_ “Well, if this is going to be finished by the time the boys wake up I might as well help, at least this way I can make sure you don't damage anymore of my equipment or notes.” _ he said curtly,  neither of you noticed how easily he said boys instead of subjects.  You stood grinning and ready to help. So maybe you had made a bit of an ass of yourself, you felt kind of good.  


	6. Drama

There was something nice about working with him, well aside from just being with him obviously.  He worked just as hard as you did, even though he was essentially ‘in charge’ even though he was a brilliant mind who could be off doing far more important things. He was here helping you with what to him probably amounted to menial labor.

Together you moved boxes, wipe down surfaces, set up a blackboard, dug out pens and blank papers. You wrote out each letter of the common alphabet on sheets of paper using a big red marker, then (with a little prompting) Gaster drew out the corresponding sign in his cipher.  It was interesting to watch him draw out the shapes mimicking your method, big letter, then little letter.

“This should help me to.” you said picking up a couple finished sheets looking at the shapes he had drawn.

 _“Oh?”_ he asked curiously looking up from the sheet he was working on,  it was cute the way he focused on the pictures He might have been reluctant but now he was doing it he was making darn sure it was done right.

“Yeah, You never know what might be useful.” you said honestly moving to tape the pages you held up to the wall adding to the sequence of letters.

“It’s definitely looking more like a classroom now.” you said standing back to admire the work your hands on your hips toes wiggling delightedly. Gaster murmured something but he hadn’t signed so you didn’t know what it was before he went back to what he was working on.

A little while later he had finished the last sheet and you taped them up then sighed taking a seat the room was clean, Boxes were moved, either against the wall or to a different storage room if they had something that might be dangerous.  You had put your foot down there, they were still learning and very curious.

 _“If they did get hurt they would learn not to mess with something like that again.”_ Gaster had pointed out which had made you scoff

“You sound like my father.” you said shaking your head when he arched a brow debating if that was a compliment, but doubting it due to your tone you elaborated.

“He thought like that,  Experience over knowledge.  My mother was the opposite, if you knew things You didn’t need to be hurt.  It was… a source of friction between them.. Among other things.” You said setting down the box you had been carrying

“I’m not saying they shouldn’t experience things, but after seeing how they where I think That it should be in the middle, experience is important but acting blindly is stupid and could lead to far worse problems then a pricked finger or a cut hand.” you explained.  He had been silent a long moment considering your stance before nodding

 _“1-s is delicate I wouldn’t want him to be harmed needlessly.”_ he said finally and that had been that.  Now that everything was moved and arranged you felt a heavy sleepiness and yawned

“O-oh sorry I guess… hmm How long have we been working on this?” you asked frowning you had no watch, or anything for that matter.

 _“A fair few hours, the subjects have been awake for a long while.”_ he said studying the pages on the wall there was a faint nostalgic look on his face and you followed his gaze.  Had he had something like that on his school room wall? Had they been brightly colored with [pictures of things that started with each letter?

What had his life been like?

You wanted to know, to learn… You wanted.

“Hmm, I-If we’ve been at it this long it’s definitely time for dinner, I bet they’re hungry to.” you said shifting to stand,  he blinked out of his memories and nodded following you.

He went to get the boys while you made your way to the kitchen, some silent agreement passed between you both and so, for the first time,  as you cooked he sat at the table with the boys they peppered him with questions that he answered with growing irritation falling silent as you took over answering.

The pasta you set before them was different to spaghetti and P commented on it immediately, despite himself Gaster explained that this was called alfredo _“You added chicken.”_ he noted and you nodded

“I am a carnivore.  I may vary my diet to stay healthy but I do need the meat.” you pointed out, he nodded While S looked at you

“What’s a..C-carnivore?” he asked you shifted, you liked teaching the boys

“Well there are carnivores, Herbivores, and omnivores.  This is a description of how and what you need to eat to survive.  For me as a carnivor I require a lot of meat, Unfortunately underground there aren’t a lot of options, We do what we can though, That’s My job, I find alternative food sources and help with farming and food growth.” you explained S nodded P listening as he ate.

“Herbivores have it easiest right now, they rely on Plant matter to survive, then there are the omnivores, You, P, and Gaster are Omnivorus, this means you can eat and get benefits from both plants and Meat.” you explain S nodded amazed by the idea Gaster studied you a moment before tucking into the meal you had made.  He wasn’t against eating and was surprised by how nice it tasted, He hadn’t really thought about something like this, How many Monsters were carnivores? How bad were they affected by the limited meat supply, because as much as he hated to admit it (again), you were right. At the moment Monsters who could subsist on vegetables alone where a lot luckier

Once the meal was complete heal and castor walks the boys back to their cell.  You almost walked in with some, however a look on Gasters face stopped you. Getting the feeling he wanted to talk, you went in and tucked the boys in for the night.  Once they were settled you exited the cell and Gaster powered the beams.  It felt odd to let them sleep more but they had had a busy afternoon in fact the whole day had been quite a new experience for them. So you were not surprised they were tired.

"What was it you would like to discuss?" You question as he walks down the hall following, presumably to his study, the study was at the end of the hall across from cells.  It was more of an office with walls lined with bookcases all the bookcases had research notes and binders labelled in both common and in his cipher. There was a desk with a monitor and looking at it you could see a live feed of the boys in their cell.  They were curled up peacefully on the bed still sleeping the blanket pulled comfortably over them.

It was a little unnerving to discover he had been watching your cell as well, however.  You knew that he had been monitoring you the boys but...  You look away from a monitor, and turn your attention to Gaster something had changed in the time you had cleaned the classroom.  Or maybe having eaten a meal together with you and the boys, you couldn't be sure but it felt like a good change. He walked past you to sit on the chair at the desk.  It was a long moment of silence as you studied each other trying to understand what the other was thinking.

 _" Hmmm, is not easy for me to make apologies"_ he said crossing his arms, he looked decidedly uncomfortable.

 _"However; I believe one is in order."_ Yes he was definitely uncomfortable, as much as you would have liked to revel in his discomfort.  You knew he was making an effort in this apology so you held back your smirk and stayed silent so he could continue.

 _"When you first got here and you've explained that you worked in agriculture I must admit, that I found it difficult to take you seriously."_ He scowled making apologies for anything was uncomfortable for him.  An apology was admitting a mistake, and he was not a man who made mistakes... but he had...

_"When I think of science helping the monsters I think of things like the core, things like electricity, things that I think would make life easier.  It didn't even cross my mind that the food that we were eating had to come from somewhere. Or even that getting the food was as difficult as all of this.  The idea, that there are monsters out there, carnivores who need food and can't get it because of our situation was beyond me."_

_"I do not consider myself a thoughtless person I did become a scientist to make life better for monsters as a whole.  But making life better is more than the big things, it is the simplest things that make the biggest difference. So I would like to apologize for brushing you off as a simple farmer."_ You nodded as he explained his thoughts and feelings.  You didn't really blame him for feeling this way, after all, it was as he said something simple, something often taken for granted.  You couldn't rightly say if you are in his position, that you would have noticed that sort of thing either. The food was not really something you considered unless you didn't have it.  You were glad that your work meant that food could be taken for granted that the monsters of the underground were not starving.

"You don't need to apologize, however; I get that it was hard for you so I accept.  I'm glad that you can see just how important my work can actually be." You said with a warm smile.  It was funny, only a week or so ago you would have been overjoyed to have even the slightest recognition.  This wasn't quite the same but it felt like it mattered so much more. Real understanding that what you did wasn't pointless.  Not empty regurgitated words of approval, but honest consideration of the work you did.

The fact he had even apologized was a bit of a marvel, how could you do anything but forgive him and accept his apology so honestly given?  Why did he have to have these moments of being so wonderful.

"I-I should.. I mean... It's late I should probably go sleep if I'm going to be up and at 'em to teach tomorrow.  You said, he nodded standing and walking with you back to the cell taking your wrist and pulling you over

 _"You'll need to be able to get in and out,  with this you'll be able to open this door."_ He explained as the panel scanned your palm and then Gaster pressed a few buttons,  it scanned again first down then up then down again slower then up once it had the three lights at the top of the panel lit up and the beams died.  Part of you wanted to invite him in. to sit, to watch the boys sleep, to talk a little... but he had already done so much today. So instead you smiled and waved.

"Have a good night Doctor, I'll see you in the morning."  He paused at that and frowned

 _"Actually..."_ he pulled out his phone pressing a few keys before shaking his head

 _"I won't be in until late, I have a meeting,  Feed them then start your lessons if you like in the morning, but keep them with you at all times... please..."_ he added after a second's hesitation, you were surprised but nodded

"Alright then, I'll see you sometime tomorrow Gaster." You said using his name this time he only flinched a little this time before mumbling Good night to you as well and walked off.  When you could no longer hear his footsteps you walked over to the corner and grabbed the thin blanket you had kept for yourself and curled up in your tails eyes feeling a little dry and heavy from how sleepy you felt.  You could still feel his touch and smiled faintly... Things could be ok after all...

Maybe...

 

*

 

The next morning he was surprised by how well rested he felt.  It had been a long while since he'd had a relatively peaceful night.  He had still struggled against nightmares but they hadn't been... as bad.  Good filling food had lulled him into a comfortable daze, and mentally trying to organize for the next days meeting had simply sent him to sleep.  Unusual but not unwelcome considering how many sleepless nights he spent working.

Asgore was quick to comment on how much better he looked when he entered the throne room.

"You must still be exhausted but I haven't seen you look this well rested in quite a while!" he enthused warmly obvious relief and delight on his large furry face as he placed a hand on Gasters shoulder walking with him to a smaller side room where they usually conducted meetings.  Alphys was already at the Table and perked up when he and Asgore entered.

"Look who I have with me." The king said his voice seemed... lighter, less stressed than before,  didn't it? Why was that?

"Dr. Gaster, Where you able to work out the problem with your other project?" Alphys asked warmly Asking him about his projects was the only time she didn't stutter so much, he nodded

 _"Y-yes I, seem to have worked it out.”_ he muttered,  no way was he about to explain that the problem was the imprisonment of another living being...

"Well now! That's great news Doctor, I was really beginning to worry about you, you were looking worse and worse every day." Asgore commented clapping the skeleton on the back before guiding him to his usual chair and offering tea.  Gaster accepted staring at the Teacup that was offered to him once it was full, The tea was beautiful, made of the golden flowers the king loved, It wasn't as potent as coffee but he enjoyed it just the same.

"It would be a shame to lose the royal scientist as well." Asgore said having sat and sipping his tea continuing the usual pleasantries that always came before a meeting Gaster looked up absently

 _"As well?"_ he questioned, you where probably awake by now,  Had you fed them yet? Probably it wasn't very late in the morning but you seemed to have a reliable internal clock.

"Oh I suppose with your problems you haven't heard the lead designer in agricultural technology has disappeared." Alphys said, both her and the king looking at him when he fumbled the Teacup causing it to clatter against the saucer spilling hot tea across the table.  Asgore rose quickly too help him mop up the mess while Alphys quickly pulled documents from the table so they didn't get wet.

 _"S-sorry I guess I am still a bit tired."_ He said quickly covering the slip, Asgore nodded patting his shoulder reassuringly

"No matter, at least now you have this problem dealt with you can sleep a bit more." He said affectionately before sitting and sighing heavily.  There it was, that exhaustion again...

 _"You were saying?"_ he said quickly to try and ease the older monsters mind onto something else.

"No one is certain what happened, apparently she volunteered to bring a file to your department shortly before that big black out,  she hasn't been seen since. There's concern she may have... fallen into the core." He said with an even heavier sigh, he was worried.  Gasters fingers tightened slightly on the cup. She was safe, he knew that he could tell Asgore and stop his worrying but... but....

"That's something we'll be discussing today.  The forman has already approached me twice about railings but this incident just proves he was right to worry." Asgore said thick fingers rubbing his temple in slow circles.

"W-w-we don't k-know for sure that's what happened yet." Alphys managed weakly trying to comfort the king.

 _"What about family perhaps she has simply gone to visit someone?"_ Gaster suggested calmly, as if he wasn't currently holding the topic of their conversation hostage in his basement.

"No unfortunately there is no one, The monster in question was a fox, Unfortunately it seems her mother was a single tail and fairly unstable, shortly after her mate left I've been informed she dusted herself." Asgore explained frowning

_"And the father?"_

"No one knows for sure, and the foxs can't say, because of the roving nature of the males it could be any one of them and no male fox will admit to breeding a one tail." He said with a weak sigh, He was a king but he did his best to abide the natural inclinations of all the different monster species, sometimes that was difficult,  especially if a question of delicacy like breeding habits came up. He might have the knowledge but it was hardly polite conversation.

 _"I see, So... no siblings?"_ He said weakly frowning, an only child, abandoned by both parents?  He'd had his brothers, He had two boys... what did that kind of Isolation do to a monster?  Then going into an uncommon field, facing up to him? What else had you been forced to do alone?  It disturbed him to think about it... almost as much as it disturbed him how much he cared.

He didn't want to care.  He couldn't afford to care.

But…

“No, a close friend it seems who was Like a sister but we haven’t been able to locate her either.” Asgore said giving the impression he feared the worst.  Not all humans had been as unwilling to fight as the last soul Asgore had collected. And some monsters had fallen to those humans, If that was the case or something else had happened to this supposed friend.

That meant you really where all alone…

It certainly explained why most of your colleagues and superiors said you were eager to please, you took on extra work where always the first to volunteer.

“To the matter at hand, Gaster as you worked up the plans for the core I’ll leave the safety installation to you as well, I understand you have made it into quite a puzzle, so you would know best how to arrange the rails without destroying your work but keeping our people safe.” Asgore said lightly pulling him away from his musings on you, the skeleton nodded and shifted to open the satchel he carried.  Pleasantries where over, it was time to work.

 

*

 

You shivered a little rubbing your arms and glancing around.  That was funny you’d just gotten the oddest sensation.

“OK?” P asked noting your actions and worried you might be feeling sick,  he was such a sweety really so you where quick to reassure him you where fine.

“When asking questions like that it’s important to be clear so people understand,  ‘Are you ok?’ like that” the frowned thoughtfully as you explained. He often did that when learning something a little confusing, it was cute to see the way he thought so hard about everything

“Are you ok?” he repeated carefully,  Sans was doing some math on his own but had looked up at the question

“Yes, thank you I’m ok I just got a strange shiver.  It happens sometimes to people, it used to be a joke that if you felt that way people were talking about you.” Yo explained with a chuckle P Smiled

“They are saying good things.” he said with absolute confidence that made you grin

“Maybe, if they are I hope so, I do try to do my best by everyone.” you said frowning thoughtfully looking at Ps paper you shifted

“Ah here,  you’ve done these letters backwards see?”  he leaned closer to the page and you sighed.  You and Gaster had gotten so distracted with the classroom he hadn’t gotten a chance to Give P glasses so he was already quite close to the page.

Taking mercy on him, and S who was slowly slipping you clapped your hands

“I think it’s time for a break.” you said cheerfully, they looked up at you with interest

“Children schools have things called recess, it’s a time for kids to play and get out excess energy and it stops them from getting too overwhelmed by everything they are learning.  It also encourages healthy sport activities and Social interaction.” you explained, the boys looked at you with avid interest now, even S had perked up at the idea.

You glanced around the room, there had to be something they could play with, ah! Then it hit you they might not have any equipment but you could still give them a game.

“Ok, I’m going to teach you boys a game called ‘tag’  the nice thing about tag is that as long as there are two people, you can play it.” she said warmly ushering the boys to follow you into the hall.  

Perfect

“Ok the object of tag is simple.  The person who is ‘it’ chases the people who aren’t ‘it’ and tags them like this.” you gently touched S and then P to give them an idea, and so they knew to be gentle with each other.

“If you get touched by the person who is it, then you’re it,  you have to count to five and then you get to chase everyone until you tag someone, and it goes like that.   There's no winning or losing, it’ll all about having fun.” they certainly seemed enthused by the idea and looked ready to run

“Wait wait, rules first,  You have to stay in the halls,  don’t go into any of the rooms and no hiding, that's a different game I’ll teach you another time.” you said when S scowled obviously thinking if he found a good place to hide he could nap.

“P try to be very careful about your brother ok?” you advised, he nodded

“I know I can do it I promise!” he said eagerly bouncing on the balls of his feet.  You frowned thoughtfully

“Hmm, I feel like there's something else….” you said your voice trailing as you teased them, they were so ready to play.

“What was it~...”

“Oh yeah…~  RAWR!” you jumped suddenly with a fake roar and sent them scampering half laughing half squealing as they ran off down the hall with you in Hot pursuit.  It was easy enough to temper your speed to give the boys a chance to run about. They were amazing quick on their feet and very agile, S might be a more sedate personality but when engaged he really showed his best.  He slipped from your touch more then once, carefully timing his movements to avoid you right at the last moment managing to get away with minimal work, while P just ran about laughing delightedly. There was something so wonderful and wonderfully simple about playing a game of Tag with a couple of kids.  As you ran you didn’t worry about experiments, or processing seeds or a quiet lonely room…

“Gottcha!”  P cried as he managed to slap his brothers back, you had a feeling S had let himself Get caught by P but you let it slide.  You’d already become very aware of the fact S did everything he could to make P happy. That wasn’t so bad except that at times he did it at the cost of himself.  He really was so much like Gaster personality wise, She hoped she could help him relax a bit, Self sacrifice… never helped anyone in the long run.

“You’re it again.” S said tapping your knee, you blinked surprised  you’d been so lost in thought he’d just meandered over and tagged you

“A-ah I… Oooo You!” He grinned laughing as you scooped him up and twirled with him pulling a cry of delight from P who rushed over arms up jumping

“Oh oh me too please me next!” he said,  shifting so S was firm in one arm you scooped P up with the other and twirled them both until you fell backwards you head fuzzy while the boys laughed clinging to you so warm, so perfect, these boys were so…

You shifted hugging them tightly

God why couldn’t Gaster see what he had? He had something amazing, something so precious and perfect, he had something some monsters would never have!  You trembled holding them, P shifted looking up at your face then moved hugging you tight

“No cry, we’re ok, was fun.” he assured sensing your change in mood.  Even S moved to hug you gently the three of you laid there hugging each other until sleep over took you…

 

*

 

That's how Gaster found you a little over an hour later.  

Walking into the lab he had made his way to the classroom, to inform you he had returned and that he wanted to speak with you after you where done.  But the classroom had been empty, there where papers on the desk and he walked over to look at them 1-s was working on some fairly complex equations, at least, for a boy his age, while 2-P had been writing letters… Hrmm He hadn’t gotten those glasses prepared after yesterday.  He would find you then get started.

When he didn’t find you at the cell he felt a twinge of worry, and hurried down the hall thinking you might be in the kitchen it was a bit late for lunch but maybe…

As he approached the kitchen he noticed something on the ground at the far end of the hall and approached, Panic set in as he realised it was you and the boys laying on the floor silent and unmoving.

No

He felt his bones go cold as he ran over, what… how… he was fighting hard breaths as he sank to his knees beside you reaching out when 2-P shifted and mumbled something sleepily turning his head and burrowing his face into the soft white fur on your arm.  He flinched hand jerking back as he looked over the three.

You were cradling the boys, one in each arm and sleeping quiet peacefully, They weren't hurt, you weren’t hurt… just sleeping… just sleeping.

He sagged with relief.  He wasn’t going to question why you were sleeping in the middle of the bloody hallway, instead for the moment he’d let his heart rate settle.  He was shocked at himself, about how scared he had been in those moments, thinking he had lost the boys… and you….


	7. Declaration

He sat there a long while leaning back against the wall, and staring at the ceiling.  He didn’t want to acknowledge the hot fear that had coursed through him seeing them laying there.  Unable to distinguish the figure all he saw in that instant had been a body, somehow mentally the boys had been dust already and she’d crumble soon.  

He didn’t want to think about what that might mean.  He remembered moments before he had added the plates.  He remembered the boys smiling eagerly at him as he had come to see them, he remembered how 2-P tried so eagerly at everything he did for the slightest praise.  How 1-s had first shocked him with the great potential of his intellect. How 2-P had so much faith in him… how betrayed 1-s had been but had only voiced his anger at Him hurting 2-P

He frowned,  She called them S and P, she refused to call them the full title, it was wrong to refer to children like test subjects.  Despite his best efforts he was seeing them as children again, he was seeing them as something more then… something more than tools… Damn it, Damn her, Damn it all…

He wanted a smoke but he didn’t want to leave,  he wasn’t sure why, he had all sorts of work he could be doing but he just couldn’t move from their side. He refused to smoke near them though.  Wasn’t that really the biggest sign of his weakness towards the project. There was no reason he should be bothered smoking around tools. But from the very beginning he had refused to smoke near them.  In instances where he couldn’t leave the lab he had used one of the storage rooms.

She had been noticed.

As he suspected no one even considered him involved, they thought she fell into the core…  No family…. No friends? None of her coworkers had been particularly open about her in a way that might indicate friendship.  It was all very business like very clean. She was so desperate to make herself noticable and memorable but she just got taken advantage of, she was the one who got the busy work, she was the one who got the stuff others didn’t want to do but still managed to keep up with her own project.  How did she find the time? Did she ever go home?

His hands ached a bit and he absently rubbed a thumb over the smooth bone of his palm avoiding the edge of the hole.

Could he really judge, he kept late hours, he barely went home, and wen he did he was working, but as he thought about it, even he wasn’t completely alone.  He had never really thought about it before, but He had the King, He had Alphys. God Alphys had been the one he could turn to when he had done this. She’d only questioned it a little instead focusing on helping him instead.  She’d offered to support him but had not attacked him for keeping it to himself.

Even today they had both been delighted to see him, the king… had looked so… happy to see he was a little better, that he had rested.  When was the last time he had seen the king look so… pleased?

He had been so focused on this project, he was so certain it was the only thing he could do, he had to be the one who could do this, but really… what was the goal here?  How would they open the barrier… 

Questions he hadn’t dared to ask himself before where surging forth and where warring with all the reasons why he had to do this… right?

He glanced at the boys… subjects… boys… damn it….

They slept peacefully.  They hadn’t been so calm and at ease since the plates even 2-P who so often acted as bright and cheerful as possible almost to the point of annoyance… seemed more at peace.

He was weakening… or maybe he was seeing clearer?  Having her point out all of his mistakes had wounded his ego, accepting the fact he had made so many basic mistakes in pursuit of his answer was a bitter pill to swallow, but he had done it.  Now he wondered what the point of all of this had been… why wasn’t he strong enough why couldn’t he do this? Asgore had given up so much already, with each human he killed. 

Gaster had lost his family once, he had started this project after his new family had cracked, but now, now he saw them, he saw the boys his boys and… and…

What was he doing?

He should get up, clear out the cell and get back to work, complete this project and stop languishing in stupid ideas of… family… but… it was family that had started this whole thing. It was his need to save someone, anyone, Save Asgore, stop his pain. Give him life the way he and Toriel had done for the small skeleton they had found on the battlefield.

It all came back to that, it all came back to that war, those dark dust filled days, he had lost them all, his stupid ideals, his stupid wishes…

He pulled off his glasses rubbing the heel of his hand hard against his eye socket to banish the tears.

Damn, this was why he hated bothering to think about it, then this happened.  He was a man of science and intellect such rash emotions-

**_“-Are pointless, you are a genius, you need to stop with this petty acting out!”_ **  he flinched he could almost hear his father voice, and uppercase like himself, always big always loud always demanding, commanding.  His mother had been more like him when she hadn’t been buried in her work she had been distant and confused by any attempts of his at gaining her affection.

He had forgotten that, pushed it back and away as far as he could, the caustic remarks, the criticism the questions of where he came from since he was so unlike them.  Well he’d become the kind of man they had wanted, cold and clinical, a genius of unparalleled intellect, except for his own son it seemed…

He had become everything he hated in them…

He felt sick, Only his brothers had been open with him, they had hugged him and cared for him, Maybe not as much as Alphys or the king (He didn’t think anybody was like the king) but they had nurtured his love of books, not just textbooks but novels, stories.  They had given him his first umbrella, they had indulged his ideals about human monster peace. His brothers….

He felt the thick pressure in his chest, no he didn’t want to tear up again, but before he could fight it back something touched him,  he looked over startled as it moved brushing up and around him, it was a tail, her tail. The thick fluffy silver fur was soft against his bones as it curled around him and settled.  He watched them a long moment but no, she was still sleeping. The boys souls where glowing softly the way they did when they dreamed in unison.

He closed his eyes leaning back against the wall again for just a moment he supposed it wouldn’t hurt, to just close his eyes and ignore it all… just a moment.

 

*

 

You stirred feeling stiff and achy.  The boys where still with you a heavy wonderful weight in your arms, at some point in their sleep they had reached across you to clasp hands so that their joined hands rested on your chest.  You smiled faintly and shifted carefully not wanting to wake them, it would be easy enough to carry them back to the cell but…

You stopped staring leaning against the wall wrapped in your tail, was Gaster. He was asleep his head tipped back glasses a little crooked.  How long had he been back? What time even was it? You weren’t sure and now you didn’t know if you should even move… he looked so peaceful…

It was a hard decision but finally you chose to carefully move getting up you carried the boys back to the cell tucking them in they snuggled together and slept on, covering them gently you grabbed the thinner blanket and carefully made your way back to the hall to the third sleeping skeleton and gently draped the blanket around him,  she shifted snuffling once and giving a slight whine but settled again after a moment.

You were tempted to touch and comfort but were afraid you’d wake him. The temptation was so strong though and so you did as you had done with the boys, reaching out you gently stroked the top of his skull  just a slow gentle pass of your fingers on smooth bone. He didn’t wake, clearly just deep enough asleep he didn’t notice your touch but you did see that his knitted brows had relaxed a bit.

Once satisfied he was ok you stood and made your way to the kitchen, you’d make something simple and easy to reheat.  You weren’t sure how long they would sleep. So it was a good idea to have something that wouldn’t be gross if it was reheated.

Finishing that you went to the classroom to collect the papers the boys had worked on and went back to the kitchen making yourself a plate then on impulse took it and the papers back to the hal, settling next to Gaster you sat and ate and you reviewed S’ Math work, Now you had seen his levels with your own eyes you were sure Gaster was right. He had been tempering himself for P’s sake.  Comparing his answers when he had done math with P to when P had moved on to writing letters there was a significant difference.

So you sat and ate and quietly took notes on your plans for lessons,  They would work on different topics first of all, second of All You’d need to have a talk with S, it was admirable that he tried to keep on his brothers level but he couldn’t sacrifice himself like that.  P wasn’t going to do as well as he did like this because it wasn’t how he worked. He had really absorbed the cooking lesson so she was thinking that practical applications of what she taught would be better for him, like measuring ingredients calculating cooking times that sort of thing, you were confident he would really bloom with that kind of education.

Gaster shifted and you looked over watching him,  under the blankets his hands twitched and his brows came together tensing his bones rattling. 

Shit!

You moved fast as he launched out of sleep with a gasp you arms where around him holding tightly to make sure he didn’t accidentally hurt himself

“It’s ok it’s ok shh shh it’s ok it was just a bad dream.” you said quickly as for an instant he struggled against you in a blind panic induced by his nightmare.

“Easy, easy… it’s ok, it’s ok… it’s ok…” you said softly just repeating until his fighting and breathing eased.  There was a long quiet moment before he pushed you away looking away as he fixed his glasses, you thought you caught the hint of a blush but couldn’t be sure.

“Are you ok?” you asked carefully

_ ‘Fine’ _

The blue hands popped up signing sharply as he stood fixing his coat

“Uh...d-did you sleep well?” you asked he paused a moment before ignoring the question

_ ‘Do you know who your father is?’ _ He signed abruptly  You stalled shocked by the questions before standing

“I know who made me, but I don’t have a ‘father’.” You said shortly,  the soul doner as you called him was no father. The bitterness in your voice wasn’t missed and he turned scowling

_ ‘Is that why your so determined I act like a father to him?  Trying to exorcise your Daddy issue through me?’ _ he demanded you recoiled, he wouldn’t have stunned you more if he’d smacked you.

“H-how could you even…”  you hesitated hands clenched into fists 

“Why would you even ask about him?” you asked finally he waved a hand

_ ‘As expected your absence was finally noticed.  No one seems to worried they simply assume you fell into the core.’  _ the lie came effortlessly, something inside him needed her to tell him the truth she wasn’t a good person she was twisted like him she had hidden motives she was just some lonely desperate monster!  

Your hands where shaking fists at your side, your tails had dropped his accusations hurt it stung so badly.  He was right no one would have really noticed. Their errand girl was gone that was all that mattered there would be someone else willing to fill that role, an eager new comer…

“Stop it…” you managed as he scoffed

_ ‘Maybe this was you trying to play house make a family?  Why not? There's nowhere for them to go, they can’t leave you, they don’t know anything else so of course they would cling to you was that it?’ _ he sneered

“Stop it…”

_ ‘Or maybe you wanted a replacement sister?  I know about her to, what was it, a human? Or did she just dust hers-’ _

“PLEASE STOP IT!” Your yell cut him off and for a second he was glad you had stopped him, he’d been on the cusp of saying something he knew he would regret.

“Just stop it…  Your right! I do want that I do want family I want someone to fucking look at me Not my tails or my breed.  She killed herself because she couldn’t stand me! I went to find him, she told me all these stories of what a great man he was,  how he was doing great things, How one day he’d come back to her, but he never did, so I went to find him, if he loved her so damn much he deserved to know she was gone… when I found him he barely gave me a glance.  When I told him she was dead he scoffed! He said it didn't matter. A one tail of a two tail, at least I could offer one more to the race then she had!” it came out a bile of words you had kept inside for so long

“I hated him so much!  I wanted to kill him, but she stopped me.  She was my dearest friend the closest thing I had to a sister, then the human fell, a human who was terrified!  She said we should help, she said he was just a frightened child who deserved a chance so she went to him as he cried hoping she could help him, she said it was ok because she had higher HP than me, she said she’d be fine, he hit her but she stood there smiling and gently trying to get him to understand she meant no harm,  but he hit her again and again and again, She gave up her life to try and save him and then eventually to keep him distracted so I could get other monsters away!” it hurt, all gone they were all gone, he was right no one was there no one, no one. You fought to stay standing all you wanted to do was sink to your knees and weep

“Why am I trying so hard to stop you? Because for gods sakes I loved you!” he faltered blushing brightly shocked by your declaration,  words you couldn’t say before spilled out wildly with your pain

“I was so useless!  A damn fox, but I couldn’t face a human, I hurt to much  every thought of one brought memories of my sister. I needed to do something I needed to give something to the underground to prove I deserved my life, to prove my birth wasn’t a waste!  I came here and during the interview for the position you looked at me and asked me if I could do the work. I said I could and you hired me, You didn’t question my breed, you didn’t ask about my tails you didn’t ask if I was smart enough you just cared if I could do the work!” you were shaking and looking down, you didn’t see the way he was watching you the way his expression changed as he tried to remember hiring some fox monster.  What did it matter he hired so many it stunned him that a simply interview had meant so much to you.

He saw the tears hit the floor and almost floundered, he didn’t know what to do about tears,  Even before the plates when the boys had been upset he had just told them to stop crying or got their brother to comfort them.

“You where this… brilliant shining star, everything I wanted to be and more and still you were kind to me, you just cared if I could work, nothing else mattered even others in my department questioned why a fox would be there and not out as a sentry or royal guard.” you said sniffing 

“I took every single opportunity to see you because it made me so happy, I told myself I didn’t need your love or even your acknowledgement because you had already seen me, you saw ME, you validated my life… but you didn’t.. I was just another face, to you.  I came down here and you didn’t even know me, and you where doing this all these awful things.” you had to stop you reach out grabbing his lab coat hands shaking in the material

“I saw them, and heard what you called them and god I wanted to hurt you so badly but even then I couldn’t because your still so much more than me!  I’m not doing this for me! I don’t matter Because you’re right no one notices me, no one will give a shit! If they think I fell in the core I’ll be lucky if they think that it’s ;to bad’ but I’ve known from the start I mean NOTHING!  But you? Your the genius, the one everyone needs, counts on! You’re so damn capable but you're destroying yourself and two amazing lives based on some stupid ideal thats killed so many already when so many people need you!” he was shaking a little but you weren't sure if it was him or you causing it because of just how badly you were shaking.

He tried to say your name but you shook your head refusing to hear it, you where shattering… it was all shattering… why, why…  why…?

“So many people want you in their lives… the king… Dr. Alphys, your work colleagues  even those boys they need you they all love you… a-and you so damn blind to how damn lucky you are… how much it’ll kill them if they lost you...” you said not shouting any longer but sobbing pathetically weak your grip had relaxed on his coat as you cried softly.  

 

*

 

After a moment she rushed past him,  he didn’t follow, he wasn’t worried, there was nowhere she could really go after all and… he wasn’t sure she’d want him around right now anyway.

He crouched picking up the papers reading over her notes about the boys then paused seeing the half eaten plate then the other next to it waiting for him to wake.  She had been right there right at his side the whole time he had slept she had tried to comfort him after his nightmare…

She said she loved him…

It was stupid really, some school girl type crush, he was after all brilliant, unmatched in his field, highly respected…  loved… he had…

She was right, he thought, he had so many people who cared about him.  He hated what asgore was doing to himself because he loved the king so much, a father he had never expected.  He grieved Toriel, the mother who had shown him what mothers where… Alphys, a best friend, His best friend… If they knew what he had done, what he had been doing?  Would it hurt them the way Asgores actions hurt him? He shifted placing a hand on his chest and allowing his soul out staring at the cold grey, it’s cracks and fractures.  

What did he do now?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a pretty heavy chapter a little shorter then normal because of that but a lot of what's in this chapter needed to be said for these two to move forward. Happiness isn't going to come easy for either of them but they need to know each other before they can even start on that road.


	8. Drink

When he eventually made his way to the Cells he was surprised to find she wasn’t in either.  He had thought maybe in her upset she would have gone to her old cell, and huddled away from him.  Or maybe gone to the boys to reassure herself she wasn’t what he had accused her of. He wasn’t worried.  After all, there was no where she could go, he only gave her access to those cell doors, she couldn’t get out.  He was surprised to find 1-s awake however, usually he slept while 2-P watched an absorbed the world with an almost intimidating calm.

_ “She’s not like you.” _ he said coldly Gaster sneered

_ “How do you know what she’s like?  Surely you’ve learned by now no one is what they first seem.” _ he said darkly He didn’t want to be having this conversation and he certainly didn’t need to have it but his feet felt stuck there as he stared at his creation.

_ “Because she doesn't look away from us, or flinch ashamed, She says we’re good boys, not things.  Maybe she’s wrong, but she’s still nothing like you.” _ he said shortly his eyes glowing blue in the dark.

_ “If that’s true why isn’t she here?  As soon as something didn’t go her way she’s run off.  That's what people do, we are selfish animals.”  _ he said S shook his head 

_ “No, She ran away because of what you did, she didn’t come here because you could find her here, she’s not running from us, she’s running from you.” _ he said firmly.  Gaster was a little taken aback,  Sure there had always been a level of rebellion in S even before the plates, he had asked questions, he had studied behaviors… he had learned to wonder why.  But such a strong and blatant statement almost as if he was defending his brother.

_ “Are you fond of her? Is that it? I can find her, like I found you two, She’d take punishment far better then you or P.” _ Yes that was it, use that fondness, break them… that was it he’d end this farce.  Something he never s-should have. His hands clenched into fists he could practically hear her voice echoing

**‘How are they supposed to help?’**

He wrenched himself free almost slapping his hand on the panel the beams powering up with a strong humm of magic as he left 

**‘What do you expect them to do?’**

What did he...?  But Asgore needed....  It warred in him, he had to do something he was only one with the will the conviction!  He could do this because he had nothing to lose! Nothing… to lose… not… not two boys, not those eager questions,  not those bright smiles. Not Alphys respect… not Asgore's love…

He slammed his office door behind him and slumped into the rolling desk chair.

What was he doing… Why was he still waffling.  He knew what he had to do! B-but did he have to? She had said she’d show him that the boys where more than tools, Damn her for it. He had advanced their growth because the plan didn’t require children hadn’t he?  When it hadn’t been enough he had still plated them as he should have… hadn’t he?!

He looked at his hands, he had destroyed himself for this hadn’t he?

So why was he hesitating?

He shifted turning his attention to the screen he began to flick through the camera angles, he’d find her.. And he did, on almost the last camera set up in one of the unused rooms he could see the fur of her tails poking out from behind a wall of boxes he was a little impressed.  She’d known there would be a camera so she’d tucked herself against a wall under where a potential camera might be and moved boxes in the way to block other views, if it wasn’t for her tail he would have scrolled past it.

He debated going to get her.  He’d drag her back to the cell lock her in, forget about her, everyone thought she was dead anyhow… but he couldn’t, Damn it…

He slammed a fist on the desk and stood shutting the lights off he left.  He couldn’t be here he could deal with this with her, he needed space and he needed a smoke.

 

*  


 

Sitting at what had become his habitual spot on the catwalk above the CORE Gaster watched the silvery smoke drift upwards as he exhaled.  There was something soothing about smoking. Not just easing the craving for the Nicotine. Just the act, lighting, bringing it up, taking that breath… hold, and exhale.  Maybe because it was so thoughtless. 

An action so easily done.

He knew Asgore disapproved and hoped he kept it a relative secret but frankly he didn’t understand the concern.  He was a skeleton after all, he had no lungs to worry about. Just one more reason why Skeletons were superior he supposed.  He had hoped the smoke would ease his shaking… it hadn’t.

As much as he tried to tell himself it didn’t matter, he knew he had come so close to saying something unforgivable.  Maybe he had… He had been so mad, so sad, so desperate to pry off that veneer of hers. He had lost just as much as she had, so why was she ok? 

Why had he assumed she was ok?

He was good at covering how he felt, or rather blocking questions about it.  Maybe he had never asked her how she felt. He didn’t need to care did he? He was going to prove her assumptions about the boys wrong and then keep her confined until the barrier came down.  Now he wondered if he could continue the project at all.

If he should…

Even if he had the strength to do it… should he?  Was she right?

He didn’t want to consider it, but it kept coming up.  All the little ways he’d sabotaged himself right from the start, things he as a scientist knew better about.  He took another drag and watched the thin mist of smoke before sliding off him glasses, studying the blurry frames.  There was another smaller pair sitting in his office. They were slightly weaker than his prescription, He had put them together to help 2-P see better but it would take some test and adjustments to find just the right lenses…  He didn’t have to… but he had. If they were going to be educated then 2-P needed to see right? It had nothing to do with… nothing to do with.

Those strings of desire in his heart… in his SOUL…

Fatherhood.

The idea had occurred to him more than once. Wonderful mental images of sitting with them, teaching them, watching them grow.  He would be a better parent then his own father surely, he would be like Asgore… Ok maybe not like Asgore but well more in Asgore's direction then his father's at least.  He could do that he had wanted to do that…

He had forced those ideals back desperate to keep hold of his goal to save the king, but had he really?  And if he hadn’t wasn’t that just one more sign of his weakness?

Damned if he did, damned if he didn’t no matter his choice, monsters would suffer.

Flicking the butt away into the CORE knowing it would simply disintegrate he ran his hand down his face his other hand relaxed glasses dangling from his fingers and now, it seemed clear, no matter what he did, Asgore would suffer.  His goal was to help him, to do the best by the man who had saved his life. Who had taken him in and protected him during the war…

He thought of Toriel.

How she’d held him, how she had treated him like her own son.  She had taught him about blanket monsters and tickles. She had taught him how to sew and had given him her sewing box. She had taught him everything there was to know about snails and had helped him with his puzzles.  He still had the sudoku Puzzle book Toriel had written out for him. The slightly crooked lines of the grid where she’d so carefully drawn with pencil then lined with pen, each page to make so many puzzles for him, all because he had mentioned enjoying them once in passing.  All because she’d wanted to do something kind. 

 

No other reason.  

No hidden agenda… nothing like that at all.

Some monsters really where that… just what they seemed.  He swallowed the bitter pill of realization. He hadn’t lashed out because of what she seemed to be.  He had told himself he wanted to break her down and find her true intentions but the fact was he had simply-

He looked over as the elevator door opened slipping on his glasses as Alphys stepped out nervously peeking around to see if he was there, then smiling upon seeing him.

“D-doctor Gaster! There you are… I-I thought maybe you’d be here.” she said with a nervous smile before blushing 

“N-not that I just assumed you’d be here but you weren't in your office and you seemed kind of thoughtful when you left earlier s-so I thought m-m-maybe you came here to think?  S-so I guess I was right…” she managed stammering weakly as he watched her silently then offered a small half smile.

_ “You were right.” _ he said simply before gesturing to the space next to him, might as well invite her to sit, she’d obviously hunted him down for a reason.

_ “What did you want to ask me about?” _ he questioned.  Usually if she sought him out here she had a question, they ranged from being about the CORE, to asking if he wanted to watch a new anime she had found at the dump.  Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn’t.

“A-actually…”  she shifted nervously,  in fact she seemed a little more nervous than usual.  Others might not notice but he had worked with her and come to respect her, he had learned to recognize the signs.

_ “What is it? _ ” he prompted, knowing she waffle and hesitate if he didn’t.

“It’s just that… Asgore he seemed… really happy today.” she said nervously Gaster nodded and taking that as a good cue Alphys pushed herself

“Iknowyoudon’tliketakingcareofyourselfbecauseyougetsoinvolvedinyourworkbutseeingyouhadrestedreallycheeredhimupsoIwanttoaskyoutosleepwellafewmoredaysandgoseeAsgoreagainsohe’llbeevenhappierandcanstopworryingaboutyousomuch!”  The cocophany of noise was startling. The rambled words weren’t stuttered but being said in one long breath with little space between wasn’t much better. Thankfully, again due to their work relationship, he understood, most, of what she had said.

_ “He is worried about me? _ ” he asked more to clarify what he already knew but refused to accept before.  Asgore was a worrier, it’s what he did, but this was different.

“We both are.  Ever since your accident you’ve been working yourself to the bone and we’re really w-worried about you… what?”  she looked at him confused as his brows knit with effort.

“W-what?” she asked again blushing then jumped as he let out a single laugh 

_ “‘To the ‘bone’, really?” _ he said a little sarcastically as he looked at her,  she frowned a moment before realisation dawned and she blushed swatting at him in the same playful manner, it occurred to him, when had they last?...

“You know what I mean!” she said exasperated before sighing looking at her hands.  The teasing had really helped relax her.

“I-I know that, Technically I work under you… b-but I’ve always thought… w-we are friends… s-so  S-seeing you struggle so hard… with whatever it is you’ve been working on… i-it’s been really di-difficult.” she said finally

“Y-you … after i-it happened… y-you came to me… Y-you didn’t want me to pry...s-so I didn’t… I’ve t-tried t-to be… be a good friend, give you your space...b-but… but you never stopped and I didn’t know… don’t know how to help you...b-but I want to!” she insisted looking at him

“D-doctor… hmm… G-Gaster, You are my friend,  and Asgore’s family. W-we’re both really worried about you.  Maybe you can’t tell me everything, b-but i-if…” her courage was failing her,  he could see it, the way she deflated, looked away more, wouldn’t meet his gaze.

_ “I can’t… _ ” he said watching her wilt away more.  

Then he took hold of his own determination.

_ “I can’t tell you everything… but, if I talk, will you just listen?” _ he asked softly.  She shifted looking back at him amazed before nodding as she offered a tentative smile

“O-of course!” she said nodding.  Here she was ready to help him, to support him, she didn’t demand answers or explanations, she just wanted to help him… 

her friend…

She said without a hint of hesitation, he was her friend and, he knew, she was his.  He knew he would always enjoy watching those odd anime with her. He knew he’d tease her when ever she accidently sent him her fanfiction instead of her reports… 

He knew she was his dearest friend.

_ “It… wasn’t an accident.” _ he started, trying to think of what he could and couldn’t say for now…

 

*  


 

You were feeling sleepy.  Crying so hard was pretty tiring. Now your head was aching, you were sweaty, your fur was a mess…  Why, why where you like this? Tears threatened to come back, a hot ball of pain in your throat that you swallowed past, forcing back down as you took several deep breaths resting your forehead on your crossed arms and making yourself breath calm, In through the nose… out through the mouth.  Oh god… you’d told him! Everything! Oh god!

You leaned back rubbing at your face then patting your cheeks well, you couldn’t take it back now.  You needed to be practical. You weren't sure what had set him off. Not the nightmare you were pretty sure.  He’d said he had a meeting with the King… was that it? He had mentioned that they had noticed you….

You shivered lurching, you felt sick it echoed around you

No one really cares.

To try and drown out the noise you grabbed your ears gripping a fist around each.  It hurt, the ears where just big old bundles of nerves but it drowned out that horrible creeping acknowledgement.

No one cares.

“That’s ok… that’s ok… I’ve known that, I know that… I know that…” you said softly. Yes, it was ok you are ok… you’ve always known, him repeating it, it doesn’t matter because it’s what it’s always been.

You take another series of deep calming breaths and finally finally manage to settle.  Once you do you stand peeking out from the little wall of boxes you had made, no sign he had found you.  You slip from the storage room at the far end of the corridor where the bathroom was and make your way to it.  You need a shower. You feel gross and sweaty and hopefully the warm water will help clear your head a bit. 

Get rid of foggy cobwebs and nasty thoughts.

The lights were out.  Maybe he left for the night?  That was probably a good thing, you just… didn’t have the energy right now, or the strength.  You were pretty sure if you saw him right now, you’d break down all over again. The question was, where could you sleep?  You didn’t want to wake the boys but the prospects of curling up in a cold cell was unappealing, not after everything that had happened.

You stood under the hot spray letting the water soothe aching muscles from sleeping on the floor, soothe your sore head. Sooth the mind, the body, the SOUL, that was one of the nice things about a long hot shower.  

You let out a sigh as you turned off the water stepping out you shook off most of the wet then grabbed the towel and dried off taking your time, lingering on your tails resisting the mad urge to break one.  Not in any form of self harm. No You wouldn’t hurt yourself intentionally that was silly, but sometimes, especially when you got like this (which Thankfully was not often) you saw them and just hated them. 

They were a symbol of your breed.  And to your breed a symbol of your value.  They had been the crux of your mother's hatred for you.  So, instead you took the towel and dried them gently toweling off each one in turn then combing your fingers through the long soft fur pampering yourself… and them.  It wasn’t as if they where sentient, they were just tails. Like toes or ears, just a body part. But that hatred of them. That desire to break them… it made you feel kind of guilty so instead you treated them well.

You laughed softly at yourself

“I’m such a weirdo.” you muttered moving to dress.  With out Gaster around you had no idea where to find fresh cloths so you just put back on what he had given you and stepped from the bathroom.  You needed to find a place to sleep. You checked other room in the hall, there were quite a few odd spaces. For testing? There was a room with a large Lazer… what exactly had he been planning to do with that?!  You weren’t sure you wanted to know but you knew if he aimed that this at one of the boys You might just go feral.

After a while you found a room with a bed in it.  There was a small bedside table and a chair as well.  His bedroom? You weren't sure, it had his and both boys smells in it but it didn’t have the smell of heavy use.  Nor did it really look like a commonly used room. Confident he wouldn’t come in while you slept and kick you out of it so he could sleep you crawled into the bed, slid under the covers and hugged a pillow to your chest.

You didn’t want to think about Gaster or the way he had looked at you, you didn’t want to think about what he said, or what you had said…  despite what you wanted, you still did. Tears welling you hugged the pillow close burying your face it it. It smelled like him, and like the boys, like a family… no… you weren’t trying to fill some hole, or have some sort of pseudo family through him and the boys.

His accusation had hurt the most.

You sighed shifting laying your cheek down then pulling back.. Oh… it was wet from crying…  You shifted turning it over then huffed out a sigh and rolled onto your other side grabbing for the other pillow and snuggling it instead, at least this one wasn’t covered in tears.

Pillows… hmmm… maybe… tomorrow… y-you could give you to… the… boys…  

You yawned eyes closing.  Even though you had taken that nap, that long hard cry had exhausted you so you slipped into sleep with surprising ease.

 

*  


 

Gaster leaned against the couch while Alphys was draped across both had the healthy flush of alcohol on their faces.  He stared at his hands studying the holes in them.

“S-so… you where going to… or might have done something pretty awful… to save Asgore?” Alphys repeated slowly having to think out the words because of just how wonderfully fuzzy her head felt.

_ “Yeah.. yes… basically.. I… Hrmm… I thought I was strong enough to do all these things he couldn’t… Each human that falls is driving him closer and closer to the brink.” _ he said hiccuping reaching up he fumbled with his glasses 

_ “If I could break the barrier somehow then he wouldn’t have to kill again… He’s to good for that.”  _ he mumbled sighing Alphys nodded… or her head was just too heavy to keep up because of the booze.

“B-bu-but that’s really stupid… Y-you know because… W-what would Asgore think?  I-if he knew you did all this it would hurt him so badly… if he knew you had done terrible things and broke the barrier for him?  It would destroy him.” she rationalized still not clear on what these ‘terrible’ things where, but Gaster insisted it was pretty bad

_ “But he can’t keep doing this himself…” _ Gaster insisted, and that was the crux of the problem.  Everything was focused on Saving Asgore, Gaster simply didn’t care about anything else.

“Y-you know your problem?” Alphys said reaching out and poking one of the blue phantom hands that signed out his words to her,

“Y-you hate yourself to much.” she said flatly with confidence born of intoxication, she sighed “Y-you *hic* You hate yourself so much t-that your trying to… justify that you can do Terrible things… a-and that you can save Asgore at the cost of yourself but… You can’t.” she said humming as she took another swig from the bottle in her other hand

_ “Of course I do, why shouldn’t I?  My refusal… My stupid ideals.” he mumbled drunkenly “I thought I could help monsters and now I can’t even do that…” _ he said softly 

“What are you talking about, we have the CORE because of you, the work you’ve done with the souls has gotten us farther than anything else ever did.  You helped take care of the king after what happened to his family…” Alphys sighed

“You help monsters everyday… you always telling me I do well, you tell me I should trust your judgment because your a genius.  But I’m not half the scientist you are. So if you can’t do it why do you think I can?” she asked softly he jerked sitting upright and looking at her blue hand signing quickly

_ “Don’t be absurd you are a brilliant scientific mind, very rarely do I ever need to explain my calculations or experiments to you.” _ he said pointedly then tapped his chest proudly, only to waver and try not to fall over.

_ “I-I am the most brilliant mind in the underground so obviously I am right about you!” _ he said firmly,  Alphys smiled

“Which means you must be doing great things to help save monsters right?” she pointed out,  He paused scowling. She’d trapped him with that one… He couldn’t be the most brilliant mind and be useless to help monsterkind…

_ “W-well..” _ he tried to think of something but the haze of drink was making it wonderfully difficult to think straight.

_ “Well… I’m still doing awful things. _ ” he said finally sagging

_ “What’s worse.  I’ve … discovered that my methods where all wrong… I was ignoring important aspects of running an experiment in order to ensure I got the answer I wanted…”  _ he mumbled weakly that still irked him.  He a man of science, a genius intellect, had made mistakes in the scientific process.  It was Galling! He didn’t make mistakes That was why he thought he had to be the one to do this!... but he had.  The whole thing… No… not the whole thing. Not everything had been a mistake. 

They weren’t mistakes

Part of him wished he could think of them that way. If he only saw them as mistakes, as a failed experiment he wouldn’t be struggling like this, but even before you had shown up in the lab… he had struggled. 

He heard a soft sound and glanced over.  Alphys had fallen into a booze induced sleep on the couch hugging her tail and mumbling softly. He glanced around amazed by how many bottle and junk food wrappers littered the floor.  Not all of it was her original mess. Seemed they had been a bit more voracious then he had thought.

It was a little bit of a chore to maintain his blue magic long enough to get all the garbage sorted and put away, then he wandered into the little kitchen,  At least this mess wasn’t his, pushing aside a half full bowl of ramen he managed to find two clean glasses and filled both with water, he downed one… then filled it and drank again before grabbing the other and carrying it through.  Coaxing Alphys awake long enough to drink it was a challenge but he wouldn’t want her to have to sever a hangover in the morning.

Once she’d drank two glasses of water they both settled, He could go back home to Snowdin but the prospect of going all that way, even taking the river persons boat was just so unappealing in his current state. So, confident Alphys was comfortable, he settled and closed his eye to sleep once more, knowing at least the alcohol would blur any nightmares for a time.

 


	9. Decision

He was surprised the next morning when he found you weren’t with the boys.  They had been awake and drawing, S helping P with his letters. It didn’t surprise him that P greeted him so warmly he had settled back into his open and welcoming demeanor, Gaster wouldn’t say so but now it was back, he realised he had missed it.  He had… grown fond of the boys morning greetings even though he had tried not to. There was something, nice, about they way they would turn to him with eager smiles and questions about outside. Of course now there were no eager questions, and S was less than thrilled to see him.

“So, I guess if she’s not here did you stick one of these on her to?” he asked coldly P fretting slightly, not just at the coldness in his brothers voice but also slightly worried himself.  He wanted to believe that the bigger Skeleton wouldn’t do that to her but… He glanced uneasily at the plate on his hand, He had never thought it would happen to him either.

“Brother I am sure he did not do that, She is nice to him and us but she wears a white coat like he does she is not a thing.” he said trying to be comforting and reassure himself of that, then he remembered something and perked up even more

“And neither are we she said so remember?  She says we are children we are monsters and are real.” he said eagerly S nodded slowly his smile becoming more than just his skull shape, it was there in his eyes.  They were more than a little fond of you and Gaster supposed he could see why. You had been teaching them, playing with them, you treated them like people… they were people, children, dependent... he almost staggered, he could remember so many small moment,  once when the Containment vessels had broken down, a small hand grasping at his finger the little bones so delicate but so surprisingly strong as they had gripped him.

Both boys looked up startled when a beep sounded and the beams of the energy field died.  They didn’t know what to expect, you weren’t there and for a moment the fear of the newer harsher tests came, instinctively P grabbed S’ hand and held it trembling a little the faint clicking of bones seemed so loud to him.  They were terrified of him… that was what he had wanted, well, he’d gotten his wish. Now as he looked at them he realised just what a stupid wish it had been. Gaster stood there hands in his pockets watching them a long moment before turning away.

_ “We might as well find her, you’re supposed to be having a class aren’t you?” _ he said and began walking away.  P had given such a loud and excited gasp Gaster heard it in the hall before the clatter of bones indicated he had scrambled up rushing to join him while the softer clacking of S walking soon followed.  They searched places he wouldn’t have thought of, places that, simply put, weren’t practicle, but there was a thought process. As S had said the day before you weren't trying to hide you where just avoiding him specifically. At least, you had been the night before.

So, they checked every room, His first thought to check behind the boxes where he had found you on the monitors but, no luck.  The bedroom in fact was one of the last places he looked, he honestly hadn’t expected you there. He was already considering that you had somehow found a way out and had simply fled.  But there you were snuggled under the blanket clutching a pillow to your chest curled into the smallest possible ball. The fur on your face was damp, like you had cried in your sleep, he had hurt you, no he had tried to destroy you.  As the boys rushed over he lifted a hand to stop them, but not with magic he simply stood there watching you his hand to them before he turned 

_ “She's… still sleeping…” _ he said softly.  Frankly he didn’t know what to do, he had pretty much expected to come back to find you up already teaching the boys…  P and S approached quietly peeking in to look, P brightened and rushed over before Gaster could stop him but when he got to the edge of the bed he carefully climbed on to it.  S followed climbing on as well as you shifted making a sleepy noise and rolled towards them nose and ears twitching slightly. Laying on your back you looked so calm, he hesitated a moment wondering if he should wake you when he noticed something.  It was small but intrigued he stayed where he was and watched as P and S leaned closer studying you.   
  
Suddenly the blanket flew up and you rolled over the two boy with a playful ‘roar!’ that filled the room with playful shrieks and giggled as you snuffled against them 

“Oh no Blanket monster!” you cried with a laugh as you tickled them through the blanket tails wagging as they worked their way out of the blankets P grinning broadly and laughing as S sat catching his breath chuckling even he had had fun… he certainly seemed to perk up when you played with them.  It was a little odd to see. When you moved to toss it at them again and P caught it covering you instead a chuckle escaped him, surprising everyone, Needless to say that wasn’t a sound they had heard before and for his part, he knew he hadn’t had reason to laugh… in a long time.

_ “Y-you should eat… P’s glasses are finished so we’ll see if they fit after your done.” _ he said coughing uncomfortably before almost fleeing the room.

 

*

 

You watched him go still in shock h-he had laughed.  You had heard him chuckle once or twice while working with Dr. Alphys, it had been an odd and wonderful sound to you then but hearing it now, it was… amazing.  It took a moment for his signing hands meaning to get through to you,

“A-ah breakfast yes of course I bet you boys are hungry huh?” you said shifting and slipping off the bed offering your hands to them, P took one quickly and to your surprise S took the other just as quickly no hesitation like there had been before, together the three of you walked to the kitchen, still feeling sleepy you made scrambled eggs, it was simple and P was delighted when you let him help you beat the eggs.  S and P both boke their own eggs 2 each, though you took the time to carefully pluck shells out of both bowls, neither boy had managed it without accidentally dropping in shell.

While they ate P did mention that eggs where in his opinion, unpleasant.  You made a mental note even as he quickly reassured you that he was loving the food and even asked for second.  Out of mercy you offered him some toast which he seemed much more pleased with, It was a good sign as far as you were concerned.  That he felt comfortable enough to mention something he disliked was a good thing and you made sure to tell him so.   
  
“I don’t know what you do and don’t like and it seems like you’re still learning as well, so the key here is to tell me, If you don’t like eggs, or the color pink or anything, you’ve got to tell me, I’ll try to work around them.” she said gently 

“Now unfortunately eggs are good for you so you will have to eat them, but there are ways to cook them so they are… less slimy, I didn’t think these were to bad..” You murmured thoughtfully then shrugged granted eggs weren't really your favorite either so maybe they were undercooked?  You didn’t think so, they tasted fluffy but that also brought up the point she wasn’t sure how a skeleton tasted or understood the consistency of a food without a tongue so maybe that had an effect on it. You mentally added it to your list of things to ask Gaster. And slammed the drawer on ‘Holy shit thing I never should have told Gaster’ which still hung wrenched open from the day before.  You did not have the time, the energy (or frankly, the inclination) to go rifling through all the mistakes you had made yesterday right now.

Gaster returned as you were washing dishes letting the boys help you he stood by waiting until everything was left to dry.  He thought it was interesting that you worked actively with the boys as you taught them, you didn’t just explain things and leave them to it to learn, you where there doing dishes with them, allowing them to help, not getting annoyed by their mistakes simply encouraging them.

“Alright P go on.” you said gently when he glanced at you then Gaster curiously you kept your hands on S’ shoulders when he tried to follow P was only going across the room he looked up nervously then turned his attention to Gaster watching him closely,  P may have forgiven but S still had so much anger, Gaster turned P to face him carefully sliding on the glasses and fixing them with the same Tape he used for his own, it was takier and gripped the bone better than the cheaper clear tape.

_ “Alright how do things look?” _ he asked plucking up a clip board and writing things down as P looked around in utter awe 

“I-is this how things look?  Is this normal! E-everything so sharp!  Brother you’re not blurry! Wow I can see your teeth Ah wow, oh  oh wow! Look Oh! Wow there's a line where your fur changes to dark at the tip Ah! C-can I see letter? And numbers?!” he exclaimed excitedly You couldn’t help laughing at his pure joy it was so sweet.

“S why don’t you and P head to the classroom and you can show him the letters?” You suggested with a smile, P nodded eagerly grabbing his brothers hand, S watched you a moment before nodding letting himself be led off, he was concerned… Of course the fight last night… not even the fight but just her yelling..,   
  
_ “I didn’t think you would want to be near me at all after … after yesterday.” _ Gaster signed the blue hands slow and hesitant as he watched you.  You sighed leaning against the counter You were too nervous to approach him,  He had hoped he might actually close off and you could both forget the whole thing but it seemed like that wasn’t the case.

“I almost didn’t… I was going to hide, then when you left I was going to find a way to register my hand for the door and just leave…” you admitted weakly 

“But…”

_ “You didn’t want to leave them with me.” _ He said carefully,  you nodded   
  
“W-well, that and… I…” you let out a sigh ripping off the bandage   
  
“I wasn’t lying yesterday, I-I’ve been in love with you for years… or… the you I built in my head.” you said softly, he deserved an explanation.   
  
“I was upset yesterday because you’re right… You’re right about so many things, and m-maybe your right about the boys… I-I don’t... “ you hesitated shivering weakly when something touched you chin, he had walked forward and reached out to tip your head up to face him no phantom hands he was touching you.   
  
_ “No… What I said yesterday was uncalled for… I… I of all monsters know those things I said yesterday where terrible.  I had no right even if I had been correct you wanting a family, isn’t a bad thing, not compared to the horrible things I’ve done.” _ he said softly blue hands signing he shifted to pull his hand away his cheek bones going faintly pink as you reached up to keep his hand on you savoring the stiff feeling of his bones.

“I built, this idealized image of you based on those few times you where nice to me, I admired you already because of your work on the CORE, and then, having you accept me, regardless of my tails then helping me by introducing me to Dr. Alphys who was happy to help me understand the books language. It… it made me feel like I was special even though I knew I wasn’t… I let myself pretend… because I told myself I’d be ok… as long as I just… kept it to myself.” You explained, it was embarrassing, telling him all this and he looked embarrassed to hear it but…   
  
“Finding them… finding this place. It was like you’d taken a sledge hammer to everything I had built, You had to be perfect, you had to be because I’m not I never will be, and finding this it felt like such a betrayal, which is stupid because You didn’t even know who I was.  You looked me in the eye and had no idea who I was…” He looked like he was going to speak but you shook your head

“N-no don’t say anything I know… I shouldn’t have been surprised I never worked up the courage to even say Hi if we passed in the halls.  I did that, I hid away telling myself that it was ok. But I wasn’t and, so, I need to apologize for that, holding you to an unfair standard.” you finished and sighed   
  
“I want to stay, I want to help the boys grow in… into what they are, into boys, and then if you want want me to leave and never see them again or… never speak of it I will… but… I need to be sure they will be happy… And until then I won’t leave no matter what I have to do.” you said firmly Gaster sighed nodding as he pulled back    
  
_ “Well, You’ve started teaching them, all my data is useless…  Last night… I spent a long time talking with alphys, You where right about things to,  I have a lot of people who care about me. I kept trying to close myself off, let myself be something unforgivable because of what I did, and what I’ve done now, there are things… things I used as justification, to be the bad guy.  I told myself they wouldn’t care if I was gone that without me around it was Ok… but it won’t be.” _ he said with a half laugh   
  
_ “She even turned my own logic against me, and, she was right, you were right, I’m going to cancel the project.  I’ve been sabotaging myself right from the start, I thought… what I did, would sever what affection I had but, it just made me sick.  I’ve done terrible things, and I can’t even save asgore now.” _ he said weakly the phantom hands shaking as much as he was  You moved slowly gathering him close he stiffened shifting like he might try and break away but slowly he relaxed just letting you hold him, not holding back, but not fighting you off either.   
  
“But you can… You’re a genius remember?” you said softly before pulling away   
  
“So what happens now?” you asked frankly He sighed adjusting his glasses slightly   
  
_ “You might as well go keep teaching them,  I’ll go see Asgore, If I don’t now I’ll find excuses not to do it later, and… this needs to end.” _ he said frankly, he had to be honest with himself about a lot of things and that was one, he didn’t want to do this he didn’t want to see the shock, hurt, and disappointment in the old goats eyes.  Maybe that was the biggest tell that him thinking he could do this was wrong, because He knew to expect the truth to hurt Asgore.

“Alright, I will,Dr…. Mmm… Gaster...” you hesitated what did you call him now?  You had pretty much poured your heart at his feet…   
  
“Be safe.” you settled on and moved seeing his eye sockets wide the lights narrowing with shock as you kissed the curve of his skull and pulled back smiling 

“I can manage the boys, You go be the best royal scientist you can be!” you said cheerfully hoping that sending him off with a smile might give him a little more confidence.  You walked together in silence to the door of the lab parting ways without a word you followed the long hall to the little classroom stepping in, S and P had their heads together and P was writing a lot faster grinning up at S every so often

“I can’t believe it, I could sort of see them if I closed my eyes like this and stared for a long time but there so much clearer now and My head doesn't hurt.” he said cheerfully looking up towards you as you stepped inside   
  
“Oh look look Brother says my writing is so much better now!” he said happily rushing over to show you the paper,  and indeed it did look far better the letters weren’t pressed to hard into the paper and the shapes were much better, there was a confidence now in the shapes and letters had had written out.

 

*

 

Approaching the throne room Gaster could feel the flutter of anxiety and nerves in his chest he paused taking a breath securing his satchel and stepping in to the kings garden.  The Monster had his back to the door and was watering the carpet of golden flowers the made up the floor of the throne room now. Gaster coughed to get his attention, the King looked up and smiled brilliantly seeing him, it hit Gaster again, just how much this man had done for him.   
  
“Gaster! I’m surprised to see you again so soon, Though you look a little worse for wear, like Dr. Alphys.  She told me you had a wonderful evening together watching her… anime is it?” he questioned not as familiar with the colorful cartoons as Gaster had become.  The Skeleton smiled nodding   
  
_ “Yes, I thought… She…  We spoke of a lot of things last night and because of that… I need to speak with you.” _ he said carefully Asgore watched him a moment,  the skeleton had always been rather restrained, he wasn’t much on talking unless it was about his work, and this did not sound like work.  The king nodded setting raised his watering can and ushering the Roya scientist forward and to a small table he had set up and ready as always for tea.   
  
“You sound quiet grave is it very serious?” he asked as he made up the cups, he knew well how Gaster liked his tea so he didn’t bother asking.   
  
_ “It is… There are a few things but first,  The scientist, the monster you spoke of yesterday? I can tell you that she is alive and safe.” _ he said, figuring you where as good a starting place as any.  Asgore looked at him surprised before grinning 

“Oh I see then, well I suppose I’m not surprised you didn’t mention it, you always have been a rather private person, While I understand your reasoning I wish you had told me yesterday it would have been a relief to know she was alright.” he said with a sly smile Gaster blushed brightly utterly shocked by the king's less than subtle insinuation.   
  
_ “Your highness please, the situation is nothing like what you are implying!”  _ he said quickly before setting the file he held on the table   
  
_ “She’s been with me because I have been holding her against her will in a cell in my private lab.”  _ He explained quickly it was like ripping off a bandaid… just do it!  Asgore stared at him a long moment blinking in… shock? Disbelief? Before chuckling   
  
“Gaster?  That is… the oddest… I mean, y-you must be joking b-” he stopped as one of the phantom hands came up

_ “No, I am sorry sir this is no joke… The fact is, during the power outage The secure locks on my lab failed and she wandered in,  After I discovered what she had seen I had to keep her to prevent her outing me, my project.” _ he said slowing as he opened the folder and pushed it forward Asgore frowned silently as he looked over printed screen shots of security footage and a few notes writing in Gasters unique font.

“These are skeletons…” he said slowly Gaster nodded   
  
“Gaster… you said you were researching a way to break the barrier… what have you done?” Asgore asked slowly looking up at this Skeleton who had been like a child, as true friend, honest support…   
  
_ “The book I gave you, with all the knowledge of skeletons… do you remember?” _  Asgore blinked nodding 

“Of course I do, it’s on my bedroom bookshelf, you worked so hard to put it together.” he insisted wondering what that had to do with anything.  Gaster smiled faintly, of course he remembered… of course he still had it…

_ “That’ll make this easier.  In the book I wrote about how Some skeletons had strong magical abilities, Such as my ability to summon my creature attacks. _ ” he explained  Asgore nodded   
  
_ “An ability in my… mmm Family line,  is a sort of… vision, an ability to see different futures.” _ he hesitated as he did when ever he came close to mentioning anything before the war, even to Asgore.

_ “I developed a way to enhance a monsters magical abilities… But I don’t have that specific skill set… it is in me however, the blueprint as it where, the potential to have it is in my magic.” _ he said carefully rubbing his hands together slowly stopping when a large soft paw settled over them   
  
“Your hands…  There are, two skeletons in these pictures… Gaster…” he trailed unable to put the thought into words, the idea that one of his dearest friends, a member of his family had done this to himself.  He had always wondered if it truly was an accident as Gaster had said but… Maybe he’d chosen not to push because of how much the skeleton had already withdrawn from him. He simply couldn’t bear to lose him as well after…

_ “I… I needed genetic material to work with,  My palms were the largest section of bone on my body to obtain enough of it and not several impede my body or my work in anyway.” _ he explained carefully.

“So… These are, you’re sons?” asgore asked, Gaster nodded and with a breath, began to explain… Everything.  From the conception of the idea, His recollection of a latent family skill, discovering a way to synthetically reproduce,  Collecting the needed genetic material. Those first bursts of life… He paused at that, he remembered the warm glowing feeling inside hearing the monitors begging to show signs of life,  seeing the souls forms seeing the little bones forming around them…   
  
“That’s what it’s like as a father.”  Asgore said startling him he hadn’t even realised he had said all those things. “You look at that little baby, it’s everything you are, all the best parts of yourself, and suddenly You realize that that was what you had been waiting for, without even knowing you had been waiting.” he said softly.  He was staring at his hands, remembering the small newborn, the little velvety body, pink from being scrubbed clean squirming in his palm bleating weakly for attention and it’s mother… his mother…    
  
After a long moment of silence Asgor prompted Gaster to continue his explanation.  The scientist explained the pod breakdown, the accelerated growth, the secondary breakdown that had led him to finally letting the two out, How he hadn’t wanted them to look like children.  His plan…   
  
_ “I was getting attached…” _ he said softly staring at his hands he had failed and admitting that failure to Asgore was… galling.   
  
_ “I thought I could keep hold of my objectivity, I thought of them as things… but at times I saw them as the boys they where… are... I needed to regain control, regaine focus… So I did what seemed like the logical next step.” _ Asgore frowned part of him didn’t want to hear it, didn’t want to know.

_ “All of our equipment and experiments are plated, The plates allow us to locate anything that’s been misplaced and it’s a good way to keep track of projects with multiple components.” _ he said slowly

_ “Since they were subjects of an experiment I Plated them.” _ he said simply … he felt sick… He was a monster… no… worse he was no better than a human….  He should have… everyone would have been better off if he had…

“What does that mean?” Asgore demanded needing clarification.  Gaster shifted a little in his seat broken from his self loathing thoughts he looked up at the king and let out a breath.

_ “I strapped each boy down and then used a bone drill to screw a solid metal plate to each boys hand Labeling them like experiments.” _ he said his calm voice a complete front for the sickness he felt in his gut, the same feeling that had roiled as he had done it, and for days afterwards.  He was certaine if he were capable of it, he’d have puked.

“What sort of project where  you planning?” Asgore asked softly, either he was still processing what he had just been told or didn’t want to touch on it right now.

_ “I developed a laser which would fire carefully calculated amounts of concentrated energy into the subject that would hyper charge, hopefully, their abilities for visions allowing me to gather data on other methods of breaking the barrier.” _ he said calmly.  Put it into words… made him feel sick, judging by the look on Asgores face, he felt the same.  Of course he did… Gaster was a sick sick man. That's why he had told himself he could do this, why he knew he’d be the only one who could… but he couldn’t he had failed.

“You fired a Magical laser at children?!” Asgore demanded shocked and torn between anger and grief,

_ “No, but I was going to… that’s where She comes in… the fox.” _ he said softly he had prepared himself he thought but seeing Asgore look at him with such … god… disappointment…

_ “As I explained during the power outage she found her way into my lab and discovered them.  Her first reaction was to attack. _ ” he said pausing her almost smiled thinking about how you had been so ready to defend them, before you even knew them before you even understood the situation… how could he have even considered that you had been acting to make them your surrogate family when you had been ready to fight for them before even knowing who they where.  And Now he knew those feelings you had harbored… You had been willing to fight him, despite those feelings, for them.   
  
_ “I attempted to explain my reasoning for what I was doing but she countered me at every point.  She pointed out errors in my data, she was quiet quick to snap and threaten if she thought I was going to hurt the boys.  Then she challenged me, dared that she could prove they were children and not things. I had needed to call them that I needed to take away what they where to do what I had planned to do… If I saw them as anything more then that I wouldn’t be able to go forward.”  _ he said softly  he had looked down,  he had once thought if he approached asgore with all of this he would face him.   He would look the king in the eye and say it all without any guilt or grief accepting the terrible things he had done he had planned to do…   
  
“So you never actually did that?  The laser thing?” Asgore asked, Gaster shook his head    
  
_ “No, she arrived before I had a chance to, and with her around,  She’s treated them… given them back their lives.” _  He paused sighing   
  
_ “I know I must face punishment for what I have done… what I plan-” _ he stopped as Asgor held up a paw   
  
“There are a lot of things to consider here Gaster but, I think the first thing we should do is you need to take me to your lab, I’d like to see for myself both the boys and the fox.  After that I want all of your documentation. You have always been very thorough in your notes and record keeping. I want to see it all.” he said firmly. He was battling anger, and guilt.  Gaster had become so dedicated to bringing down the barrier after he had killed the first fallen human… 

“Please, take me to your lab Gaster.” he said standing his tea forgotten.  Gaster nodded standing… This was it...


	10. Doubt

You worried.

 

You couldn’t help it!  Even though you had sent him off with a smile and said so confidently that he could do it… 

 

you worried.   
  


You didn’t really know the King, no more than any other average citizen, well maybe a tiny bit more.  Occasionally you had to give reports on the progress of your projects to him instead of Gaster, but that wasn’t really ‘knowing’ him.

 

So you worried

  
  
You complimented Ps writing, his letters and numbers where much better and giving him a quick test he did significantly better.  Though still not at his brothers level there was a vast improvement and you lavished praise on him and S. 

 

And you worried

 

“Is everything good?” P asked suddenly breaking you from your thoughts

“What?  O-oh ah yes yes actually really good.” you said warmly, then processing his question you chuckled, 

“When you ask a question like that you say it, ‘Is everything ok?’ Or, ‘Are you ok?’” you explained while P nodded seriously he took everything quiet seriously, it was good that he could get so absorbed and want to learn and still keep such a bright happy outlook, S was, silent, he was happy but unlike Ps open enthusiasm for things S would quietly watch and assess

“What's a sister?” P asked curiously you froze looking at him then remembering the shouted words of the fight you blushed 

“Well, Sister is like a brother, but instead of a boy it’s a girl.” you explained carefully oh boy you were not explaining the differences between boys and girls to him, nope no way no how.   
  
“So…” he seemed deep in thought looking at S who shrugged 

“We thought that was what it meant but we wanted to ask to be sure.” S said easily you shifted uncomfortably well, at least they weren’t asking the difference between boys and girls...   
  
“I’m sorry you guys heard that.” you said softly jumping when P covered your hand with his and smiled up at you glowing softly orange like he had once before   
  
“Did you have a lot of sad times?” he asked his voice so compassionate you smiled reaching out rubbing a hand over his head nodding

“I did, everyone does in their lives, some, worse than others, but, the key is to keep living as best as you can, to be the best you that you can be.  So for me, that meant working in the lab, and making food, doing my best to help in one way because I couldn’t in another.” you explained P nodded vigorously

“I will be helpful to.” he said firmly and unable to help yourself you smiled at his conviction

“I have no doubt about that P  you’re already such a good boy.” you complimented.  He glowed green with delight

“Brother to he is the best!” he said eagerly making you chuckle nodding and resting your free hand on S’ head 

“He is, S is so clever.” you said honestly and he glowed green as well he didn’t glow as often as P did, but it was nice when he did it really showed how honest and deep his feelings where.

“You’re pretty worried about him aren’t you?” S asked his expression relaxed maybe resigned, you weren’t sure.   
  
“A-ah….  So clever… Yes, I am.” you said softly pulling you hand back   
  
“There's so much about the world, you will learn so many wonderful things,  but some of the best things can also be painful.” you said trying to explain before shaking your head    
  
“What’s important is that I worry because I care about him, But I care about you two as well, very very much, so if you went out I would worry for you to.” you said with a smile standing fully to move to the whiteboard   
  
“Now, I’m guessing you guys heard a lot of that argument, which means you heard a lot of new words, why don’t you tell me the ones you don’t know and I’ll explain them to you.” you suggested,  the boys nodded and tossed out words for you to explain. Each one you wrote out on the board so they could see how it was spelled before explaining its meaning 

  
  
Breed

 

Scoffed

 

Acknowledgement

 

Interview

 

Love…

 

You paused at the last one smiling   
  
“Love is a feeling, it’s a very wonderful very warm feeling you get for very special people.  There are lots of different types of love. For example, you and S love each other, that’s brotherly love, Familial love.  I love you two boys, but it’s like the love of a mother for her child or an older sister for younger brothers.” you explained S tilted his head   
  
“But that’s not the love you used for him, so… what kind of love is that?” he asked curiously P nodding interestedly   
  
“O-oh well see that's a… well see, w-when you find… I mean there are sometimes when there are special people who aren’t family and well sometimes when your with that person you can develope I mean… Oh!”  You gasped dropping the pen as you fumbled to explain, good god they’d heard your confession?! Oh god how embarrassing. Well at least they didn’t understand it.

Before you could explain any further after you snatched up your pen the door Opened and Gaster stepped inside. You smiled face brightening with so much relief before Asgore followed him through the door.  The three of you watched wide eyed as the skeleton stepped aside and gestured to Asgore.   
  
_ “Here they are. She insisted on a proper classroom so… _ ” he signed murmuring his words in that cypher of his.  You set the oen on the desk and walked around it, natural instinct causing you to step shielding in front of the boys when Asgore approached to quickly.  Before you could say a word however you where enveloped in a tight fluffy hug.

“I am so relieved.” he said after a moment pulling back to look you over

“Y-your majesty?!” you said startled, you never would have expected something like this.  You know the king was a good man but… and Gaster had said…   
  
“When you disappeared we were so worried you had fallen into the CORE during the blackout!” he exclaimed, you couldn’t believe it… worried really about… about you?     
  
“B-but sir I-I’m just a fox A-and just a two tail I-I… um…” you floundered you weren’t sure what to say or how to act, the idea that anyone had worried about you was, how long had it been since anyone had cared enough to worry.

“Ah my child, you are a monster one of my people, of course I worried.” he said, it was just as simple as that to him.   You shivered nodding as you struggled against welling tears before pulling away   
  
“W-well, I shouldn’t I mean… You’re really here to meet the boys aren’t you.” you said quickly  stepping to the side for him to see them though still lingering close. He nodded approaching the two skeletons who watched him with the same curiosity as they had her.  S had a level of reserve while P practically vibrated in his seat wanting to jump out and greet his new friend but remembering how you had taught him to greet new people.

Gaster stepped forward but you kept focused on the boys and Asgore, how could you look at him right now, he had lied to you! He told you no one had cared!  Oh you were gonna let him have it, but now was not the appropriate time.   
  
“Hello boys, I’m Asgore.” the giant goat said with a gentle smile he was being so careful, obviously he didn’t want to frighten them, he was quiet large compared them even crouching.

“HI!  I’m P and this is my brother S and it’s nice to meet you!” P said excitedly obviously unable to contain himself he began peppering Asgore with questions while S watched the interaction with the same deceptively lazy expression he’d had when she had first started teaching him and P common.

Asgore laughed as he tried to keep up with Ps eager questions before glancing between him and S   
  
“I have some questions to, but I’d like to just ask you two… would it be ok if I asked Gaster and your other friend to go outside?” even as he spoke your fur bristled with tension,  It was Asgore, he wasn’t going to hurt them but… but… You didn’t even know you had started growling until you realised all eyes where on you, you'd shifted slightly tense and ready for…   
  
“Oh!, Oh my… I didn’t… hrmm well isn’t that interesting.” Asgore mumbled thoughtfully before letting out a breath   
  
“How about this then, Gaster can you leave while I talk with the boys?” he asked Gaster nodded a little curtly before turning and heading from the room as Asgore stood and approached you    
  
“Alright now before I ask anything why don;t you go sit with them and take a few breaths.” he suggested gently, you nodded taking one calming breath before even moving relaxing you walked over settling on the floor between the two chairs one tail lopping around each boy.  You vaguely recognize the reactions, the instincts coursing through you but you rejected them as impossible.   
  
Oh you adored the boys and would fight anyone who might harm them, but, there was no way the mother fox in you was reacting.  

No it had to be something else.  

“Well then, that’s better, Now, Lets talk.

 

*

 

Gaster Paced.  He’d turned off the security feed to ensure Asgore got his privacy and had left his office to make sure he didn’t give in to the temptation to turn in on.  What would he ask them about? Everything he supposed. He’d likely determine Gasters punishment then. Though there was another oddity plaguing him. Your reactions.  Asgore had been so glad to see you alive he hadn’t noticed, But gaster had seen the flash of threat the protective way you had moved in front of the boys, you hadn’t been walking over to greet him You have been moving to block him from the boys.

Then again, when Asgore had suggested leaving the boys with him, you had growled… actually growled.  He had seen the way your fur had bristled, the tension in your frame. Asgore had seen it to and had clearly come to some, conclusion about your odd behaviour, that was why he had let you stay but what conclusion?

Frankly he found your behaviour completely irrational It wasn’t as if Asgore would ever hurt them, and while you had been taking care of them it wasn’t as if you were their mother-   
  
Gaster stalled mid stride as shock rippled through him.   
  
No you weren’t their mother Biologically but…   
  
He frowned and made his way to the lab using the computer there to access the archived security footage from the first day.  And yes there it was right from the first even when he had tried to fight you, you had kept your eyes on the boys for most of the time. Right up until your bashed your head.  He shook his head closing the video file and stepping away from the computer rubbing a hand down his face frustrated, no he had enough on his plate… but perhaps this was good.  If you took the boys in, he at least knew they’d live a much happier life then they had with him.

He didn’t deserve them.

He left the lab and made his way to the kitchen, he needed coffee, he wanted to smoke but he didn’t dare leave the lab,  He knew there was going to be consequences for his choices, and he absolutely did not want Asgore to think he was trying to escape them, nor did he want to upset the monster further by smoking when he knew the king Abhorred the habit.   
  
Settling mug in hand he watched the steam rise from the surface dancing and twisting as the Vapor slowly dissipated. He was startled when he heard the tell tale sound of bones on the floor,  He looked to the door as the boys stood there smiling    
  
“He’s a very nice monster! He said we can be friends and that we’re allowed to leave and live in a real house and everything is that true?!” P asked eagerly as he rushed over, Gaster flinched at the affection but for once didn’t push P away as he grabbed the elders arm

P who had been so mentally ready to be shoved away like always paused stunned before hugging the arm tighter.  Gaster could feel the crawling sensation on his bones tamping it down forcefully before eventually he couldn’t, but before he could remove P the boy let go   
  
“I’ll stop now, Thank you for letting me hug you.” he said startling Gaster, it was weird but the way P spoke, and even S, there was a sort of, pattern, he recognized it from you.  It wasn’t unusual, after all you where the one who had taught them common of course they would pick up your speech quirks as well but somehow it still surprised him. Maybe because it was just another sign of how you had meshed into their lives, not just his, but the boys as well.

He realised then you and Asgore hadn’t come with them.  Seeming to notice Gasters realisation S walked over hands jammed in the pockets of an old blue parka.

“Asgore said he wanted to talk to her alone.  He seemed really glad to see her when you guys first arrived.  There was suspicion in S’ tone though P didn’t quiet pick up on it he agreed with the words.   
  
“He said they thought she fell in the CORE? What's the CORE?” he asked interestedly, despite how awful he felt Gaster puffed up with unmistakable pride.   
  
_ “I developed it, the CORE is what powers the whole of the underground, it’s generates the electricity we use by combining thermal mechanics with magical energy rations it… _ ” The boys settled as he explained how the CORE worked S was interested and seemed to take in the information easily but P, as attentive as he was seemed lost.  Gaster frowned ready to just write off P again but, he remembered what you had said before, P was smart he just thought differently…

Gaster considered a moment before walking over and grabbing a pot from one of the cupboards

_ “You’ve been learning to cook right?” _ he started, it was odd but he wanted to see if this worked, he’d never considered teaching this way before but He would try it and see P nodded smiling he liked cooking almost as much as making puzzles.   
  
_ “When you cook things in boiling water with this you put the lid on, the steam creates pressure that makes the lid wobble right?” _ he explained P nodded 

“You need to lower the heat so it doesn't boil over.” he said with a smile Gaster nodded,  normally he would have snapped at P not to interrupt, and he was fighting not to do so now but he wanted to try this. To try and see what you saw in the thinner skeleton child.   
  
_ “If you don’t lower the heat it boils over eyes and the Steam pushs the lid up.  Think of the core like the lid, and the energy from the Magma the core is built over like the steam, the simplest way to think of it is that the heat given off by the magma is passed through a layer of magic, super charging it which rises into the core pushing at ‘lids’ inside the CORE which in turn move and create energy.” _ he said P frowned thoughtfully then nodded   
  
“So the heat lifts the magic and helps move the parts?  And when the parts move it works?” he asked to clarify, Gaster blinked and nodded   
  
_ “In the simplest terms but yes, very good.” _ he said surprised P lit up absolutely delighted by the praise.  Even S nodded impressed by his brothers understanding   
  
“See, you are smart, like she said just smart in a different cool way.” S said lightly.  Gaster moved putting away the pot as he did he wondered vaguely how he might adjust P’s tests to…   
  
He stalled, no… he couldn’t adjust Ps tests, He’d be lucky if he was looked up for the rest of his natural life for what he had done…  He thought he could face that, he could handle the consequences, but now, it hurt him. He was just beginning to see them for the children they where, as the skeletons,  his family, and he had to lose them, leave them.

All because of his own mistakes just like before…

 

*

 

You sat in a chair opposite Asgore you elbows on your knees face in your hands. You didn’t move for a long time.   
  
“That… can’t be possible.” you said softly, Asgore sighed nodding   
  
“It is, I only know about it because of the unique nature of Foxs and their tail numbers.” he explained reaching out heistently   
  
“I already knew I was useless to weak to be in the guard like others but this?  I am a waste..>” you said softly hand slipping up into your hair gripping it tightly.  You didn’t want it to be true didn’t want to accept it but…

“You are not useless, and not a waste.  Look at what you have done, for those boys, for Gaster. I’ve watched him slowly spiraling into self destruction for years, and am ashamed to admit that this madness was caused by my own actions.” he said   
  
“But before he told me about what had happened here I could see how much lighter he looked,  He looked rested, he looked almost relaxed, I haven’t seen him that at ease in so long I had almost forgotten he could look that way at all.” he insisted

“You were born with two tails.  Gaster made two boys. Maybe it was fate.” he said big hand reaching out and framing your face the paws soft as he gently coaxed you to look up at him

“What are the odds you’d go to his office that day, that the power out would happen and that Gaster, a man who thinks obsessively about privacy hadn’t accounted for a power outage affecting the lock on his lab door?  All these things came together so you could find those boys and change their lives.” he said softly

“You imprinting like this doesn't mean you’re a waste.  You are so much more than just a womb you know.” he said gently, his words were so kind, you so desperately wanted to believe him   
  
“But… if these two boys are my tails I can’t have any fox children, I can’t contribute anything.” You protested weakly.  At this Asgore chuckled   
  
“What are you talking about?  That's just silly, You work with growing food don’t you?  You contribute so much, because of you My people aren’t starving!” he exclaimed, you shifted 

“But ot-” he cut you off

“Stop.  You need to stop trying to convince me you have no worth.  You really remind me of him, I wonder if Gaster sees how similar you two are. You seem to hate yourself for what you can’t do, he seems to hate himself for things he’s done.” Asgore said with a sigh

“You both offer far more than I think either of you realise.” he said patting your knee   
  
“I hope you come to realize that… for now, Are you agreeable to my conditions?” he asked  You nodded firmly, 

“Absolutely.” you said firmly.  The King smiled and, bracing his hands on his knees, stood. Polite as ever he opened the door for you but waited for you to take the lead. He wasn’t sure where Gaster or the boys might be waiting for you but he wanted to see the cell first so you led him there.

Stopping by the space in the wall where the beams would normally be powered up you showed him.  It was amazing what had accumulated, a lamp, the bed of course, blankets, pillows, paper, puzzles, drawings, an empty cookie box had been used to store pens and pencils the boys used to draw or make puzzles with, Asgore studied that with a funny look on his face before nodding   
  
“And none of this was here when you found them?” he asked seriously you blushed shifting

“N-no sir, I-I pushed for it, I told Gaster that the way he was treating the boys was skewing his research results. That’s how I managed a lot of this pointing out how restricting the boys from these things Made the data he had already collected inaccurate.” you said softly Asgore chuckled

“That’s not a bad idea.  He has a lot of pride in his intelligence, not un earned but I’m surprised he didn’t kick you out from criticizing his method.” he said, caught up in his laughter you grinned 

“Yeah well he had to either put up with all my criticism or risk me outing him as soon as I was out the door.” both of you stalled before coughing awkwardly 

“A-anyway, he took my suggests but the bed well it was beds, the boys wanted them stacked though so they could sleep together, they’re very close, obviously.” she said smiling

“Their really good kids,  S I think is very much the genius of Gaster, while P, P must be his creativity.” you said thoughtfully Asgore tilted his head

“Oh?  And what makes you say that?” he asked, you missed the look on his face

“Well, coming up with the CORE is brilliant of course but, the out of the box thinking needed to come up with a way to combine magic and science to create real life? It’s astounding.  Not only that but two unique souls. Nurturing them from the tiniest development. It’s amazing, it makes me want to know so much more about his work and the things he’s done it’s… what?” You stopped talking when you realised Asgore was giving you an odd smile.

“You love him don’t you?” he said softly you fur fluffed immediately   
  
“W-what well I mean, I guess yes I mean, h-he was, and the things is and well…” you scrambled desperately, no no no what if he thought you were lying for Gasters sake? Or reneged on the deal because he thought you couldn’t be objective or…   
  
“It’s ok… it’s nice. Though surprising considering the circumstances.” he said frankly. You nodded

“I won’t say that finding this place didn’t shake me.  I had built him up as this infallible genius capable of no wrong, but, I was wrong.  I’m kind of glad though. It’s so painful loving someone you can’t reach someone you just know you’re not good enough for. Even if he had horrible intentions, he’s trying to fix it now, and I’ll do all I can to keep helping him and those boys, because I do still love him Maybe even more now that he’s real and not just some, vision of him I had made up.” you said softly your hands rubbing together you leaned against the wall

“And him?  He’s very… guarded about his feelings but there are time when you can tell, when he slips and shows how he honestly feels.” Asgore said you smiled shrugging

“I don’t know, either I don’t know him well enough yet or I haven’t looked hard enough yet… because I’m afraid of what I’ll see.” You said honestly shifting slightly 

“Part of me wants to know, I want to look t him and see… something even the smallest flicker but, I mean, even before all this I knew I was beneath him, the only reason he even knows who I am is because of all of this.  That has nothing to do with me being a fox and everything to do with his focus on his work and My being just to scared to approach him and show him who I am.” you said softly, it was embarrassing to admit out loud what a coward you had been but it was the truth.

“I told myself I didn’t need his love or anything because he was brilliant and just being near him was enough for me, but frankly I… I just knew if I tried to approach him he’d have no interest, at least if I never did that I could pretend he might like me, it… wasn’t healthy and I was really getting depressed, frankly if this hadn’t happened I probably would have had a breakdown.  I… no, I don’t think anyone can really live like that.” you said, it was embarrassing to admit to the king of all people but, you were proud you where admitting it to yourself. 

“So, you love him now? After finding all of this, does he know?” he asked,  You nodded    
  
“Ha… yeah actually… See, we had a fight…” you said laughing weakly shaking your head   
  
“I got mad at things he was saying because he was right and I hated it, so.. I thought well hell, if he already knows all of this then I’d just tell him the rest,  I’d correct some of his wrong assumptions based on what he knew, then I’d tell him the truth, He’s not alone like he pretends he is. He’s not a monster the way he thinks he is.  He… has… has so much self hate and it’s so stupid because so many people care about him, You, dr. Alphys, his colleagues, the boys, probably more people I don’t even know. He’s not alone but he insists on following this Path of self destruction thinking no one will care or be hurt by it.” you said letting out a frustrated sound   
  
“And you told him all of that?” Asgore said stunned,  He had tried to tell him the same things… but admittedly had never yelled it at him in a fit of anger during a fight.  You nod rocking back on your heels   
  
“I had to., someone had to jam it in the stubborn skull of his, and if he didn’t like me anyway and saw me like that then why not I had nothing else to lose.” you said frankly Asgore frowned   
  
“What do you mean?... what caused the fight.”  You blushed Oops…

“W-well… After he met with you and Dr. Alphys, when he came back, I guess he learned about my family situation from you, he asked me about my father, then… accused me of using him and the boys as a surrogate family, to try and make up for my own fathers failures I wanted him to b a better dad to the boys…. That sort of thing.” you said softly.  The accusation still hurt frankly,

“He told me no one cared I was gone, I had no reason to question that but then he said I only wanted the boys because they had no outside experience… that they would cling to me because of it… h-he said a lot of hurtful things.  But that’s kind of his thing isn’t it, he hurts everyone in some misguided attempt to protect himself, after all they won’t care if you get hurt if they already hate you and you can’t be hurt by them if they already hate you. He’s such an idiot for a genius.” you muttered, Asgore nodded heaving a heavy sigh   
  
“Well,  You know yourself best, you would know if what he said was true or not but I can tell you we did notice and we did worry.” he said gently   
  
“No I don’t know you personally but you are still a member of my kingdom, you are a monster, and you work so hard for us all,  Of course I would care.” he said gently his tone was so… comforting, maybe fatherly? Was that how it was be be treated like a daughter you wondered?  Those gentle reassurances?

“T-thank you….” you managed weakly before coughing   
  
“I-I suppose we better go explain these arrangements to Gaster, he’s probably ready to burst wondering what we’re talking about, or working himself into a depressed panic with worst case scenario thinking.” You said quickly Asgore nodded and followed, you could hear the boyd chattering away in the kitchen so you Led Asgore in that direction.  It was going to be an interesting conversation...


	11. Destination

You shifted slowly arching your back hearing the bones pop several times as you did so.  Ok, If this was going to be a long term thing something would have to be done about these arrangements.  You opened your eyes slowly and stared at the ceiling of the living room. You had slept restlessly on a lumpy sagging old couch in the living room of a house in Snowdin.   
  
Frankly you had been pretty surprised to learn Gaster even owned a house, part of you had kind of assumed he just… lived in the lab. He certainly seemed to be there all the time after all.

The boys had been stunned leaving the lab, Sans had looked around studying everything in his sharp owlish way while Papyrus was full of questions that you answered when Gaster refused to speak. 

Well, you and the king.  

Yes, in fact Asgore had come with you all to the house!  Boy had that been weird. If not for Papyrus’ excitement at seeing so much ‘outside’ You weren’t sue you would have been able to speak so freely with the King and Gaster.   
  
The boys names were new as well… or rather finally given to them.  Studying Gasters notes Asgore had been very clear, S and P where not acceptable names.  He had pointed out their names in the notes and demanded they be called them properly. He was braver than you making such a demand,  you hadn’t wanted to push Gaster to hard.

Then again he was the King and Gaster, even if he hadn’t been doing unethical science experiments on his own children, probably would have agreed to please him.  The dynamic between the two was interesting and watching them talk you felt like you understood Gaster a little better. His feelings for Asgore, it was... there was so much respect so much admiration.   
  
The River person was largely silent, though occasionally would reply to Papyrus’ interested questions in odd riddles.

When you arrived at Snowdin you watched with interest as Papyrus had grabbed Gaster thumb,  Gaster had tensed but when the boy didn’t move to hold anything other then the thumb he seemed to relax a little though it was a few awkward steps before he could temper his usual long strides so that the boy could keep pace.

You hadn’t been to Snowdin in years and as you walked you felt a building anxiety not realising just how bad it had gotten until a big hand grabbed your shoulder   
  
“Are you alright child?” Looking up at Asgore startled you nodded slowly 

“A-ah… yes just, bad memories is all…” you managed, you had barely finished speaking when a bony hand grabbed yours, looking down you saw Sans looking up smiling at you with a calm smile, you couldn’t help it you smiled back gently squeezing his hand

“I’m ok.” you assured him quietly as you walked along but you kept hold of his hand, finding comfort in his gesture.  As you walked on you could feel a tight pressure on your chest slowing you stopped staring between a couple of trees you jolted yourself back and kept walking no… not now, later. So  you all made your way to a neat house at the edge of town, it was a two story building rather plain but cozy. Gaster unlocked the door and stepped aside to let everyone in.

Sans let go of your hand and followed Papyrus inside, you had a feeling he still didn’t trust enough to leave Papyrus completely alone yet.  Asgore settled on a sagging couch while the boys looked around and Gaster stood awkwardly by the closed front door.

“Why don’t I make some coffee.” you had suggested heading for the kitchen.  You could hear the gentle rumble of Asgore speaking with Gaster who was eventually coaxed over to sit.  Unable to see his hands you only had one side of the conversations but you had a good idea of what was going on.

“She will send me regular reports on their progress, but I expect to hear from you as well, What I’d like you to do Gaster, is record your thoughts everyday, it doesn't need to be much, even one line will do, but I want to know what your thinking, everyday.” He paused As Gaster spoke

“I highly doubt it will interfere with your work, and in fact will be easier then what you had been working on before.”  While the king's tone was easier there was an underlying menace, this was not a man to be trifled with… and frankly he was right, after all, writing down thoughts was much easier than cataloguing observations and preforming dubious science on Minors… at least he hadn’t gotten to the unethical stuff and you were going to do your damndest to make sure it stayed that way!

That was why you were here after all, Asgore didn’t want Gasters actions to become public knowledge, but obviously he couldn’t in good conscience leave the boys alone with him after he had admitted his intentions.  

Since you were already aware of the situation (and according to Asgore done a good job fixing things, though you weren’t sure if you had really done all that much) The king had decided you would be the guard so to speak.  It wasn’t an uncommon position for a fox, as far as anyone knew you were a bodyguard hired to protect the royal scientist and his children…

So here you were sleeping on his couch in his home, knowing he slept in a room just a few steps away.  A second room was now shared by the boys. You had spent the afternoon the day before helping them clear it out.  It had been full of all sorts of things, DVDs, boxes of electrical parts, Books, Manuals, outdated financing laws, Old drafts of funding petitions.   
  
“Why do you keep half of this?!” you had asked as you were stopped from dumping a box of old blueprints for a CORE prototype   
  
_ ‘You never know when it might be useful again, all of this is vital to potentially upgrading the CORE in the future.’ _ he explained irritably all you had been able to to aside from snort was shove the box at him

“Well since it’s your work it can go in your room.” you had said plainly as he scrambled for a good grip on the box scowling at you.   
  
_ ‘If I had the room I would but I have other important work in my room!’ _ he exclaimed, the annoyance clear on his face and in the rapid movement of his hands.   
  
“Well unless you want me in there with a trash bag Taking everything then I suggest you begin sorting and make room for this stuff.  This room is for the boys now, they’ll need space to put their things.” you said firmly, you watched with silently glee as a faint brush of pink touched his cheekbones

_ ‘Fine, though I fail to see the point it isn’t as if they have many belongings.’ _ he signed curtly frowning more but of course after throwing that gauntlet how could you not respond?

“Well now they are outside and can see things and form opinions on likes and such I am sure that will soon change.” you said lightly and, unable to argue, Gaster turned to take the box to his room grumbling something without signing, but you were sure it was nothing flattering.  

Oh well.

It was odd, even though you sniped at each other you still enjoyed his company so much, even after that fight… Maybe that was why he was even listening to you.  While he had been, apologetic about the argument he had never actually said the words ‘I’m sorry’ But he had acknowledged his mistakes… Maybe that's why he was giving you a chance now, to prevent it from happening in the future?  You simply weren’t sure but you could dream. 

You moved to stand glancing up, it was still quiet, you doubted the boys or Gaster would be awake right now.  Feeling confident you shrugged on your lab coat (you’d need to get a proper coat) and stepped outside. 

There was a brisk wind and a faint fresh dusting of snow, toes wiggling you stepped out into it, your breath came out in clouds as you moved through the snow.  You knew where to go, it wasn’t hard to find the place Jamming your hands in the coat pockets you stood staring at the clump of trees.

Your throat felt thick, a hot ball of tears had lodged firmly almost choking you.  You had deliberately avoided coming back here, you had never wanted to see this place again.  People complained the underground was to small, but it had been big enough for you to never be near this place again.  It seemed some higher power, however, wasn’t inclined to let you stay away.   
  
“I’m sorry I didn’t come back.” You said softly crouching and beginning to pull the snow together.

“I didn’t want to,  I couldn’t bear it… I’m not sure I can now.” you gave a half laugh as carefully you began to pat the snow into the shape of a flower.

“You’ve been gone longer then I even knew you know… I got a job in the Labs in hotlands.  I work with food, Agriculture, isn’t that crazy?” you said softly sitting back in the snow knees drawn up arms on your knees

“If you saw me now you’d be so disappointed, You took part of me with you…. Why couldn’t you?.... Why couldn’t you just run away from it.” you said softly shivering, not from cold, but the tears that stained your fur, hugging your knees you sat and grieved for the only real family you had ever known.

 

*

 

He heard you leave.

Oh Gaster had slept some but it had been nightmare fuelled and broken, up and down he had eventually given up and gone to his desk to do some preliminary work for the CORE stabilization plans.  He’d heard each squeak of the old saggy couch then the rustling as you had stood, he wondered if you were hungry or just needed the restroom when he heard the door open. 

At first he thought maybe you were getting some air, but when you didn’t return quickly he couldn’t fight his curiosity and left his room.  Heading down the stairs he took a look out the window he could see fresh tracks, a walk? Must have been. Annoyed at himself for letting you distract him he decided he’d make the time useful and make himself a coffee.

He didn’t really need it, he was awake enough as it was but, Like smoking, it was a habit he couldn’t and didn’t want to break.  Marks of you where already in the house. You had insisted on picking a favorite picture each of the boys had drawn and stuck them on the fridge, there were dishes from the meal the night before on the drying rack, far more than any he ever would have used on his own.  She had commented he would need likely need a few more, accidents happened with kids after all.

The coffee table in the living room was no longer scattered with work papers, oh they were still there but now they had been stacked neatly and settled in a corner she had told him with no uncertain terms, that today they would work together to not only make the house more of a home, but they would also go through all of his work and discard anything that wasn’t needed.

He Had argued that all of it was needed but when you pointed out that records of snail reproduction rate from ten years ago had absolutely no practical application, he had caved and agreed.   
  
Asgore had ordered him to take a couple days of and actually spend time with his ‘children’ He suppose he should be thankful he hadn’t be fired… or punished, then again with you and the boys in his house invading his space, he wasn’t all that certain he wasn’t being punished.

He sat on the couch and paused… it smelled like you.   
  
Not to say you smelled bad and in fact the moment the thought crossed his mind he felt stupid, of course your scent lingered you had slept on it, a monster's natural body odor would cling to the fabric no matter how clean they where.  It had nothing to do with the strange earthy smell that seemed to follow you or the smell of fresh healthy plant life that had clung even after all your time in the lab. 

A smell that reminded him of a time long ago, when there had been fresh cool grass,  the wind rustling in the trees, the warm summer sun on his face. It had been so long he ha-

He stood and marched into the kitchen slamming down his mug a little to hard almost breaking it. Why was he even thinking of those things?  Obviously you smelled like plants and dirt, it was your job! Or was now you where his keeper, Asgores personal spy to make sure he didn’t hurt the boys any further!  

But if Asgore truly believed he would why had he even left them in his care?! Was that the punishment he had in mind, Making Gaster Watch the boys grow knowing he had failed in everything he had set out to do, looking at the monster made because He had mutilated himself beyond repair?!  Did Asgore want to have him reminded everyday of the terrible thing that he was?

… No …

Even as he considered it, mentally struggled against it he knew it wasn’t true… no… Asgore had left the boys in his care because the old King had hope Gaster could be better… Just like 2-P… Papyrus.  He was half way up the stairs before he realised what he was doing. 

Moving quietly along the hall he hesitated at the door. He could turn around and walk away, forget it forget them, they were old enough to handle themselves.  Beside the room they were in was far nicer then a cell what was there to be concerned about. 

He grabbed the door handle and very carefully turned it, easing the door open he peeked inside.  Like in the cell they slept in the same bed, though now it was a proper bed with a proper mattress not just a couple thin mattresses on a floor. 

They were dreaming, their souls glowing softly as they held onto each other. He stepped into the dark room quietly for a moment blocking the light from the crack of the door he stood by the bed looking at them.    
  
Even in Sleep S… Sans protected his brother, he slept on the outside of the bad closer to the door while Papyrus was closer to the wall the bed was tucked against.  While he had no real proof of it, he knew that Sans had arranged them this way, Offering Papyrus the protection of the wall at his back and Sans his shield from the front.   
  
What had he done to them?   
  
He noted the way the blanket had slipped off them in the night and carefully, grabbed the edge and pulled it over them making sure they were properly covered  it was so odd, that need to… he stood touching his chest as he glanced out the window he could feel his soul pulsing in his ribcage. Shaking his head he turned and left the room unaware of a single eye opening watching him curiously until the door was closed.  

The skeleton shifted closer to his brother, and wondered what it had meant…

  
  
*

 

Uuggg

Your head hurt.  Your eyes stung and your butt was cold and damp from sitting in the snow so long.  Not to mention your face was probably an absolute mess from crying so much, you felt awful, and, maybe a little better. As you trekked back to the house the small cozy town was beginning to show signs of life so, keeping your head down your made yourway quickly back to the house.

Shoving your way through the door you shivered and shook herself out fur fluffing up a bit as you slipped off your coat and stared at it.  Yep it simply wasn’t going to be good enough for living here, and you’d need to get your cloths at some point. As far as you could tell you’d be here for the foreseeable future.  Maybe you could convince Gaster to at least get you one of the folding Cots so you at least had a proper bed to sleep in.

_‘Welcome back.’_  You looked up startled by the blue hands and the voice blushing 

“O-oh thank you I uh… needed some air.” you said lamely, you hadn’t expected anyone to be awake or if anyone was, like Papyrus, you could have deflected him easy enough.  Gaster looked like he was going to say something and in fact studied your face a long moment before nodding

_‘Morning walks are a good way to wake up but if you’re going to make it a habit We’ll have to get you a thicker coat.’_ he said simply and turned back towards the kitchen.  You smiled following him snagging you only other pair of clean trousers as you walked past the basket of clothes you had washed the day before.  
  
“Soooo~ I had a thought.” you said standing in the corner behind the fridge hidden from the door by it as you shimmied out of your cold damp pants and panties and quickly pulled on the fresh cloths  
  
 _‘Oh? And what would that be?_ ’ He asked focused on his coffee he turned around just as you where snapping the waistband over your tails.

“Well, Since I’m obviously going to be here a while, I’m going to need some things,  I don’t have many belongings and what I can do is have most of my stuff put in storage.  I’ll need to bring my plants though or they’ll de. I have automatic water systems but after this long they might be just about running dry.  Then of course I need more cloths. So I thought why don’t we take the boys on a day trip?” she suggested Gaster frowned as you crouched shoving your wet clothes in the washer… hrmm not enough for a full load. You’d wait till the boys were awake you could run their Pajamas through as well.

“I think it’s important they know their basic way through the underground just incase anything ever happens.  My place is in new home so they can see the whole walk and then know how to find their way to the Lab and find you if they ever need to,  We can also see the king. He’ll probably want to check and make sure the first night went well, and he’ll want to make sure you’re ok to I expect.” you said pausing as you stood, he was looking at you oddly

“What is it?” you asked touching your face crud could he tell you’d been crying?

_‘Nothing, nothing I… guess never mind.'_ he said shaking his head. You were sure he had been about to tell you something but he’d changed his mind apparently. It was going to take time for him to open up to you if he did at all.  

As it was he wasn’t acting any differently that you could tell, you would have thought he would have some reaction to your feelings but despite how sheepish he had seemed about it when you had spoken, he had barely acknowledge you at all.  Maybe he was mad because Asgore was making you watch him?

“Gaster I-” You where cut off by a rumbling then several thuds, a cry of delight more thudding what sounded like elephants coming down the stairs and then Papyrus rushing through the door and launching himself bodily at you taking you off your feet as you hadn’t expected him, managing to recover you hugged him laughing

“Oh my gosh, what’s this?  This can’t be what made all that noise!” you exclaimed teasingly Papyrus laughed nodding

“Oh yes, See I was so happy because I woke up and we were still here here and not there here and we have a big bed and brother was there and we were warm and have cloths and everything is good!” he said delighted there was a slight snort and you cast a glance at Gaster who obviously disagreed with the boy.

“Things are good yes but Papyrus you have to remember not everything is good, Many many many things are, and some things that are bad can become good, but Somethings are just bad.” you explained gently.  Gaster was watching you while Papyrus was studying your face curiously   
  
“Why can’t all the bad things be good?” he asked  at this you smiled

“Because without the bad the good is just normal, But that doesn’t mean you have to always accept the bad, something like slipping and falling and accidently hurting yourself?  That would be bad right? But that’s something you have no control over, all you can do is fix yourself after right?” you explained her nodded

“Sometimes people might say or do hurtful things, but often it’s because others have done hurtful things to them, that’s bad, but having faith in those people is good.” you went on, Gaster blushed fantly and quickly busied himself with making another coffee

“So… there are Bad things, but we can Make them good?” he said glancing at Gaster, it made sense, he had done bad things but now he was doing good things with help from you and Mr Asgore.  You nodded scooping him up to his utter delight he clung to you eagerly as you bounced about a bit then settled him at the table

“How about some breakfast?” you offered he nodded as you made your way to the fridge opening it you stopped....

“Gaster?” 

The elder skeleton who had been trying to slip out of the kitchen without being noticed flinched.  You could see the way he quickly debated with himself if he could run for it, then resigned he turn his face going impassive in the way you had learned he used when he was covering embarrassment.

“At what point did you start keeping experiments in your fridge?” you asked opening the door fully and waving a hand at the largely off food and frankly you were more than a little annoyed   
  
“You let all of this go to waste?!  Do you have any idea how hard it is to grow food down here?  Do you really appreciate how hard Agricultural development works to keep you fed?!” you demanded picking up a rotten tomato and scowling 

“This could have been used in so many different dishes… but not now.” you muttered staring at it, Gaster shifted blue hands entering your vision 

_ ‘Well, I am not home as often but now I’m here…’ _

“Now you’re here you’ll probably let the food in the lab go to waste, Me and the boys are going to scrub this dark things clean and You mr are going to go to the lab and bring Every scrap of food back here so it’s not wasted!” you ordered turning to him, Gaster looked affronted  
 _  
_ _‘Now look here your hardly in any position to be ordering me around. You may be here to keep me in check for Asgore but I will not be commanded!’_ he said annoyed, the frustration was growing, he really didn’t get why you where mad.

“Well considering you can barely take care of yourself let alone two children it’s a good thing I’m here, you’d probably forget to come home and let them starve if the king hadn’t forced you to take a few days off!” you shot back, he flushed indignantly and maybe embarrassed? Had he forgotten to feed them before?   
  
“Gaster sometimes you are the absolute worst!” you declared and without really thinking about it, you lobbed the rotten tomato at him.  The instant it left you hand you gasped realising what you had done you were half way to shouting duck when it hit him. 

It was a fairly impressive splatter of red rind and smelly juices that splashed across his skull his rumbled cloths, the counter and the wall behind him   
  
“I-I so… oh god… I’m so sorr… snerk… I mean, I didn’t mean to… nnnggg…. I-it was just…” you where going to die oh god it was to… to… to

Funny!   
  
You broke down laughing, the mess the look of stunned shock on his face Papyrus frantically trying to stifle giggles.  The absurd situation.   
  
‘W-why would you even?!’ he sputtered wiping goopy tomato remains from his face before glancing at the counter.  You didn’t see it as you tried to calm your laughter then

SPLAT

He nailed you right in the side of the face drippy smelly gooey remains of old tomato.  Oh it was on, Scooping a handful of god only knows what from the fridge you flung it at him.  More than eager to join in the Game Papyrus scrambled from his chair and rushed over scooping goo and turning to Gaster then to your shock he turned quickly and mashed it into your face!

AH! It was so smelly!

_‘HA! That’s great!’_ Gaster said taking a certain glee from seeing your betrayal at the hands of his son. Gaster and you were so busy attacking each other you both missed the way Papyrus paused and looked at Gaster his eyes starry and almost brimming with tears.  Strangely that casual approval was so much better than all the big declarations he had ever imagined. 

Shoving a fistful of goop onto Papyrus’ Pajama top he giggled scooping more goo and rushing it over to Gaster so he had more Ammo.   
  
You weren't sure when Sans had joined the fray, only that one moment it was two against you then suddenly Sans was at your side and helping you, pelting (mostly Gaster) with smelly slimy fridge goop.

 

*

 

When the fridge was almost cleaner then the rest of the kitchen, all the goop tossed and everyone sagging on the floor breathing heavily and still laughing Gaster found himself smiling… When… when had he last had so much fun?  

He had laughed openly in a way he hadn’t done in a long time, Even when he had lived with Asgore and Toriel laughing so freely had been a rare occurrence indeed. He was unaware of the warm green glow in his eyes but he did know his children were glowing… His children.   
  
Two little baby bone who had come from him, who would look to him for guidance, who would laugh and make him laugh.  Was this what Asgore had meant before? He began to realise how little he had understood of Asgore's grief. 

He already knew he would be manic if anyone hurt the boys, his boys. Of course that was if anyone even got close with you around.  More then once he’d seen the way your tail had shot out catching Goop from hitting Sans. He had started doing to same without really processing it, using blue magic to cause flung goo to fly around Papyrus instead of hitting him.

Of course now his kitchen was a mess, and all of you desperately needed a shower but… he found himself giving those practical things only a passing thought.  At some point his arm had gone around Papyrus companionably as they caught their breath. So now he was leaning back against a cabinet door with the small boy, who looked so much like him nestled under his arm but careful to limit how much he touched the elder.   
  
Gaster marvelled, Papyrus worked so hard to be considerate.  Not to gain his favour, not for approval (or not mainly) but… because he was just genuinely a good person.  He wasn’t sure how to process that, he hadn’t thought there was any good in him to give, but apparently he’d been wrong… he’d been wrong about a lot of things lately and yet, he found as he looked between Papyrus, and Sans, who was snuggling in your lap snoring softly, he didn’t really mind as much anymore.


	12. Diary

__~~ Entry 1 ~~   
  
(These words are quickly scribbled out making Asgore chuckle as he moved his eyes down)

**_Day 1_ **

_ The first full day of living with the, ~~Sub~~ _ (more scribbling out) _ boys.  Observation indicates a firm Loyalty from ~~1~~ _ (Again scribbles, Asgore thinks it’s kind of cute how hard Gaster has worked to not make his entries so… clinical.  He had clearly failed but Asgore appreciated the effort) _ Sans toward the fox, While Papyrus seems to show equal favour however seems to lean towards me favourably, I have not understood why.  I believe it as an attempt to garner my approval before but now with a secondary adult figure who provides such approval, his behaviour has me stumped. _

_ After cleaning my admittedly poorly kept refrigerator the boys were bathed by the fox and then dressed neatly so we could collect proper food.  I was scolded by the fox for allowing food to go to waste. I do not approve of such things however as she is the expert in such things I suppose I can concede to her knowledge in this subject. _ (At this Asgore laughs out loud, oh he is well used to scolding the young skeleton for his treatment of himself, things like smoking and not sleeping, not eating, but he had to admit he would have loved to see Gasters reaction to someone he considered an employee chastising him.)

_ After cleaning up we were promptly taken to go shopping for proper food in new home, this allowed the fox to gather things from her home she would need for her stay with us.  She introduced the boys to several of her neighbours. She seems intent on making sure they experience everything possible. Observation indicates Papyrus to be a lot more welcoming and open to greeting every monster he comes across with an… exuberance I am not used to, I am uncertain where he acquired such a trait as it is not one I have nor I remember from anyone in my family. Sans however is strikingly more like me in behaviour, more reserved but very watchful.  His protectiveness of his brother is clear however, I cannot help but feel we are more similar than either of us would like to admit. _

_ My house is now full of plants and toys, I hope you’re happy. _

(the tacked on ending was just so annoyed that Asgore knew he had done the right thing by putting you in charge of monitoring Gaster and the boys.  He had a feeling you more than anyone else right now where going to be able to help him become the good skeleton he and his wife had always seen.)

 

**_Day 2_ **

__ Nothing significant to report, the fox took the boys out to play while I arranged my room so that I could remove old projects from the boys room. They are happy enough with floor space to play in their room now, however it seems Papyrus gets anxious if he’s left in the room with the door closed.   
  
I heard distressed noises and when I investigated it seems Sans had gone to the kitchen to get something to drink for them both.  Uncertain how to handle his distress I stood by the door debating what to do. This however seemed enough and he calmed until his brother returned, Sans however noticed right away Papyrus had been upset and immediately stepped protectively between us glaring at me with intense accusation.  I explained what I had heard and I believe that ~~1-s~~ … Sans will make sure in the future that P is not left alone in a closed room, if he must leave he will find a way to ensure the door stays open.   
  
When he processed that I had stayed until he came back so P could stay calm he gave me an odd look.

 

_ * _

__   
  
**Day 5**

_ The fox dragged me and to the school in new home, she insists the boys are clearly old enough and need a proper education.  I attempted to protest as I could provide them with a far more thorough and adequate education at home, and was promptly told they would just grow up emotionally stunted like me if that happened.   _

_ I was quiet offended, she simply called that progress.  The boys seemed very eager to attend school, P apyrus more so than Sans, he was reserved and observed everything going on.  Inside he seemed interested in the idea of further learning while his brother seemed excited to meet others, he waved excitedly at everyone we passed.  I admit I am concerned his nature will result in repelling people, he is quiet loud and open more so as an Uppercase. While I have no doubt that should something like Bullying arise Sans would defend his brother, but I would rather he didn’t with his more delicate condition.  I am uncertain how to approach Papyrus to calm down, I may consider asking the fox for help.  _

_ She certainly seems better at social interaction, though I have noticed she’s kept everyone at a strange distance ever since we left the lab. _

_ The school is happy enough to allow them to start classes late.  The fox used the cover story of their safety and Sans health being the reason they were homeschooled for so long.  Sans listened and had gotten and odd look on his face watching her, I expect he was startled that she lied about their situation. _

_ When we returned home he proceeded to question her about it and I am still surprised by her explanation.  It amounted to, she didn’t like to talk about awful things that happened to her, so they wouldn't want to focus on the old bad things and look towards new good things.  If people knew what had happened they would ask questions the boys wouldn’t want to answer. _

_ After the boys went to bed we sat and had a long talk discussing how they would be taken to school and escorted home security maintained at the school, ensuring they were protected but not smothered.  Especially Sans who would become very aware of his limitations compared to Papyrus now they were out in the world. She takes their protection very seriously, I understand her story of being a bodyguard is just a way to explain why she is with us but I think, had you not asked… she still would have done it, for them. _

 

_ * _

 

**_Day 9_ **

_ After finishing the paperwork and having the boys take comprehensive tests to see what classes they should be in the boys first day of school was today.   Despite my attempts to work I was dragged out by her. She said under no uncertain terms they were my kids and I would be taking them to school. Admittedly I had considered it but had put the idea aside after realising they would have her.  It never occurred to me they would be happier with my presence. As open as Papyrus is he was very nervous about this change in environment.  _

_ I understand his apprehension on some level, his entire life it was just me, then her, and now so many people, anxiety is to be expected.  What I did not expect was how he clung to both me and her as we walked. Even more surprisingly Sans held my other hand when we walked to the school.  While he did not voice his fears I could feel the tension in his grasp. Perhaps it was a comfort the evil he knew, so to speak. Having him hold my hand in search of comfort, familiarity, filled my SOUL with an odd sensation. _

_ In interest of full documentation I will explain that when I devised this project I had made all efforts to close myself off from emotion towards the boys determined to see them as tools for use.  Day by day they prove her words correct, they show themselves to be normal children, and each day they do something that might remind me of times before, I feel all at once grief and nostalgia. I am uncertain what to do about this. _

 

**_Additional entry_ **

**_Day 9_ **

_ I thought it best to record the event following the boys first day of school. Both were quiet happy,  even Sans was far more vocal than usual, though he seems to have reverted his attention to the Fox he did walk between us with me on his right side instead of on her side away from me.   _

_ For the boys comfort they have classes together in the morning and then after their lunch Sans is taken to advanced education.  Papyrus was full of information about his classmates and teachers, he already knows every name in the class, while such small details seem pointless to me as I doubt he will interact with every single classmate to the point that a first name basis is important.  I am beginning to realize more and more that this is just another way he learns. _

_ I must admit it is admirable that after only a day he can effortlessly put names to faces, knows a little bit about each monster and remembers the entire seating arrangement.  I may be unequalled in my own intellect but even I would struggle to keep it all straight, as such I feel a sense of, pride. I am uncertain how to explain it but I had not expected much of Papyrus right from the beginning, but now seeing him grow and thrive I begin to see how it wasn’t his limitations but limitations of the environment I had set up for him that had made him seem less capable then his brother. _

__   
  
**Day 10**

_ I have returned to work at the Lab, I walked the boys to school again with the Fox before we parted ways.  She passed the boys into the care of the schools security and followed me to the labs. There is something pleasant about travelling to work with someone even if it was largely in silence. _

_ The boys day at school was exciting but uneventful apparently, exciting as there where more things to learn, uneventful as none of it involved, large ‘cool’ things according to Papyrus.  ‘Cool’ Has become somewhat of a favoured descriptive for him, I assume he learned it from the other children. He has also decided he wishes to become a member of the royal guard. While from a practical standpoint I believe he could be valuable to the unit because of his combat abilities,  realistically I believe he would fail to make any decent impact because of his personal beliefs about fighting. I do not think he could handle what it takes to be a royal guardsman. I voiced my concerns to the fox and she explained that regardless of my feelings this was his first dream, and I would be in the wrong to try and deter him. _

__ I remember similar criticism and so have decided she is right and so I will keep this opinion to myself.  He is a child, so I suppose dreams will do no harm to him for now. Sans is of the Opinion his brother would be the ‘coolest’ royal guard.   
  


_ * _

_   
**Day 14** _

_ It has been two weeks since the change in circumstances and the boys continue to grow and thrive.  I think that perhaps I am changing as well. There are times I find myself listening for them without realising it, or chuckling when they laugh at the silly games they make up.  Sans has devoured every book I own so I have decided I will bring some books home from the lab and rotate them out he is more sedate then his brother and seems content with that. Gloves that they have worn to hide the plates have not been questioned yet but She has indicated I will need to remove them soon.  We left them for a while so that I could continue to monitor the boys, She said it was good to keep something things as recognizable as possible to ease them into the world. I, I used this as an excuse, perhaps somehow believing things might go back, Thinking the least I could do would be to not hurt them again…  But things won’t go back, they are not tools, they are children.  _

_ My children. _

_ I have done unforgivable things, and that doesn't even touch on the things I had planned to do had she not found us.   _

_ Thinking about it now I am certain I would vomit if I could.  I am disgusted with myself for what I have done, and wonder how Papyrus can still have so much faith in me after it all. _

_ I think it is his belief and her feelings that are slowly swaying Sans.  Part of me hopes he never forgives me.  _

_ I don’t think I will ever deserve it. _

_ She told me the other day when I mentioned those feelings in a moment of weakness, that I didn’t get to choose if I was forgiven or not, and if I was forgiven I didn’t get to wallow in self pity.  I was annoyed with her then but in the last couple days have considered her words. I wonder if it can honestly be that simple. _

__ Maybe that’s why I don’t want him to forgive me, because then it won’t be an issue,  but while Watching something on the TV last night (it has become a ritual to watch something quietly together before the boys go to bed) Papyrus was cuddle on the couch next to her, she was reviewing notes while gently stroking his head.  I thought nothing of it really content with my own reading when I felt something against my leg, Glancing down quickly I saw Sans leaning against my leg Half watching the TV half dozing. There was space on the couch for him… but he chose to sit next to me, to lean against me.   
  
In that moment I feel such a warmth in my soul I simply stared blankly at my report until it was time for them to go to bed.   
  
While the boys are doing very well I would like to take the time here to note a curious habit in the fox.  Every morning, since they day we moved into my home she leaves early in the morning before anyone is awake and is usually gone a couple of hours, returning shortly before Papyrus awakens.  I have not followed her though I am deeply curious where she is going.   
  
I don’t want you to feel the need to bring the subject up to her but, If you could advise me on what I should do I would be grateful.  You have always understood others better than I, even know myself at times. I know that sometimes while she is gone, she has cried, I feel too awkward to ask her about it.

 

*

 

Setting the journal entries aside with a sigh Asgore rubbed the bridge of his nose.  It was good to know the boys were doing so well, He looked forward to seeing them the next day.  He had seen Gaster a couple of times without the boys and He was looking significantly less stressed.  Far less tired. Had it really just been that one thing that had weighed so heavily on him? If so Asgore was glad he was finally free of those restrictions.

  
He picked up the last entry reviewing the last comment,  Even more he was starting to show empathy towards another.  Long before He had rarely shown interest to anyone outside of himself and Toriel.  Coaxing him to get along with Alphys had taken time and continued effort.

Perhaps it was because you were living with him.  Or maybe it was because you and he had a common thread in the boys care.  Whatever it was Asgore was glad he was not having to push Gaster into trying to establish a friendship with you.

After assigning you to watch over him and the boys Asgore had done some deeper digging into your background.  He had a feeling he knew where you went in the mornings, and why you cried. He internally debated how he might advise the Scientist.  Should he tell him the whole thing. He did know that you had lost your only real family to a fallen human, but Asgore doubted he even bothered to remember that detail.

He genuinely didn’t think it would be out of malice, but Gaster did have a tendency to block out information he didn’t care about.  That’s why Papyrus learning all his classmates names had been so mind boggling to the older skeleton.

So odd where the skeleton either didn’t remember or hadn’t correlated the fact that the girl you had considered a sister, had Died in Snowdin.  He had no doubt that you, being back in snowdin felt compelled to go, either to a burial site or a death site, to grieve. You hadn’t felt you had to go while in Hotlands and newhome, but now so close you likely felt you had to go.

  
In fact you and Gaster where similar in that way, to avoid your guilt and grief you had thrown yourself into work at the labs first with an internship, then in building the agricultural tech division, improving Growth standards for crops, maintaining a high yield.  You had constantly pushed and pushed and pushed… because then you didn’t have to think about it. Asgore knew the feeling but unlike you and Gaster he had recovered, Oh he still hurt terribly and felt guilty for what he had done, by now he felt like he couldn’t stop collecting the souls because then it would be a waste of the lives of those other children.

So, he was brought back to the initial request for advice.  What did he do? Did he explain your situation better? Or … Hmm, actually that might not be a bad idea.” he thought suddenly sitting forward rubbing his bearded chin thoughtfully.  What if, instead of telling him the answer he encouraged Gaster to do what he did best, and Observe you? Not only would it build more Empathy in the skeleton (he hoped) but it also Gave Asgore a chance to get a better idea of what exactly was between them.   
  
He had a feeling nothing had happened, for one he knew Gaster would have felt obligated to report it if something had happened between you, but he also figured Gaster would never cross what he would see as a professional line with you.

Maybe it was Toriel's lingering influence but he couldn’t help wanting to prod you together,  He would like you not to feel worthless. You had certainly made it apparent to him that day in the lab that you thought yourself lesser.  Less valuable, less intelligent, less needed, it was so sad to see how little you valued yourself.

  
But, he also wanted to see Gaster Happy.  He knew those fluttering emotions Gaster had written of where love, and contentedness.  He was settling into being a Father. He worried for the boys, He considered them as individuals, he was noticing their likes and dislikes, their passions, their unique personalities.  With each entry he had grown little by little until Asgore saw such a difference in just two weeks. 

It was a testament to how little Gaster had truly wanted to harm the boys.

Satisfied with the reports he had read and how he would advise Gaster when the odd little Family came for their visit tomorrow Asgore got up smiling faintly, Tea… He was in the mood for a nice cup of tea and a cookie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I caved and set up a Discord, I will be posting chapter updates, potential new projects and will be happy to chat if you wanna ask questions or just curious about what this loser does with her life LOL
> 
> https://discord.gg/Awx3BP


	13. Diffident

You held each boys hand as you walked towards the elevator that would take you to the Palace you felt tense.  You hadn’t seen Asgore since the day he had taken you all to Snowdin. You had sent him regular reports of course, and knew Gaster was doing the same, but it was different to seeing him in person.  Despite his kindness it was intimidating, he was the king after all.

Gaster was fretting, He had a lot on his mind, Papyrus claimed to have made a friend but no one ever saw him, and Gaster was worried he was suffering some form of stress induced hallucinations.  When you told him about Imaginary friends he’d gotten even more worried because that might indicate a problem with natural social development.    
  
“Or the kid is really shy.” you pointed out exasperated that at least seemed to reassure him,  then there was Sans he was sleeping… a lot. He was also disappearing alot, he said he was going for walks and you didn’t want to intrude but he’d be gone for such long stretches of time,  but since he often came back chuckling or in a better mood you decided you wouldn’t worry unless it started to be a real problem, like if he started skipping school or something.

School.  

That was a whole other problem, Gaster was so critical of everything the boys where being taught, He was also convinced the work wasn’t enough to really challenge Sans.  He was going to ask Asgore if he could homeschool Sans, you where going to ask if Sans could test for placement in some university classes.

He needed interaction, he was so dependent on Papyrus it wasn’t healthy. He based everything on his brother, if Papyrus was happy he was happy, he consistently passed up things that he might enjoy if Papyrus showed a hint of disinterest.  She understood that their situation had made them very dependent on each other but Papyrus was goin out actively seeking other people to interact with.

Sans… well there was being an introvert and then there was this, hell even Gaster socialized… a bt, with Dr. Alphys, with the king.  He might not have a huge list of friends but he had something… and you of course. Though you were trying so hard not to push things.  You hadn’t mentioned your feelings for him at all since your breakdown back at the lab, and he hadn’t brought up the subject. Instead the two of you primarily spoke about work, or the boys.  When you weren't chastising him about eating.

How was he ever going to get to a point where it was just him and the boys like that, after all if he couldn’t take care of himself how could you expect him to remember to take care of them.  That argument really seemed to hit him because after that he brought a timer back from the lab and instructed you to inform him ten minutes before dinner was ready. Sure enough the bell rang and he was down. 

Most of the time anyway, you weren’t sure what he was working on but he was certainly very invested and sometimes he’d turn the alarm off assure you he’d be right down but then get lost in his work again.

Of course this was everything going on with all of them, so much stress so many issues, you barely had time to consider your own problem.  It was weird, but, lately…   
  
As in it had happened that morning lately even.  You’d been suffering the oddest bouts of Deja vu.  

It wasn’t the sort of Deja vu where you’d be doing something and suddenly kinda feel like you had done it before at some point it was like you were positive you had done the exact thing just a few second ago… right?  It had happened on the walk to visit Her. You had been talking to yourself wondering about Papyrus’ friend, had looked up seen the grave then… no you hadn’t seen the grave yet that was what was weird suddenly it was like you were still walking getting ready to turn the corner, right?  You might have brushed it off as something that came from going so often, some automatic response in your brain but… That didn’t feel right.   
  
Everyone else had such important problems though so you kept the weird things to yourself and focused on helping Gaster and the boys. Besides it was Just deja vu that was hardly a major issue.

As you were thinking about the odd Deja vu and how you were going to convince Gaster that university classes where better for Sans then Homeschooling Gaster was glancing at you every so often in a thoughtful way.  You had gone out again, though you had returned more confused then upset like other days, he had asked you about it but you had just said you’d been thinking about Sans’ schooling, and effectively brushed him off. He wasn’t used to that, usually he was the one covering his thoughts and feeling, everything bad was buried deep inside and shoved away so he could focus and not burden the King or Alphys with his problems.  He was a genius after all, he really shouldn’t be having any troubles in his life.

You of course, had told him that was stupid when he had mentioned it once.  Everyone has problems you insisted, Emotions where part of what made monsters who they where, their SOULs thrived on their feelings.  By pushing away his feelings suppressing himself he was just hurting himself, And that was probably one of the things Asgore was always so worried about.

He had been so used to hiding his feelings though.  Opening up with his family had never been good, eventually mockery and fear of disapproval had taught him to tamp down on any excessive emotion.  The idea of expressing how he felt was so… foreign to him.

It was difficult to reconcile the idea that he didn’t have to suppress everything or show everything, you, and Asgore, and even Alphys had tried to explain that he didn’t need to show or suppress everything, there was a middle ground.

With two adult deep in thought Papyrus eagerly chatted away with Sans who nodded listening as he cast a glance between the two.  Back at the lab he had been dozing hugging Papyrus when he had heard them fighting, he had heard you telling him you loved him. It boggled his mind, why.  He had questioned if you even liked them or if it was just to win him over, but that wasn’t right, because he had seen you ready to fight him and you still challenged him for their best interests… so it wasn’t some bid for his approval.  

He knew you cared about them.

So instead he had wondered about what you and Him where doing about what you had said.  He hadn’t seen you act any differently though sometime he had noticed you looking at Gaster when he wasn’t watching before returning your attention to what ever you had been doing, and to his surprise he had seen Gaster looking at you watching you, though his eyes were more thoughtful, and kind of annoyed like you were a puzzle he couldn’t figure out.

That brought the young skeleton a level of glee, seeing Him be so frustrated by something, he had such pride in his genius but more then once Sans had heard you call him the dumbest genius to exist which made His skull flush with magic.

The elevator stopped and the makeshift family stepped out into the long corridor leading to the throne room, Sans pausing as he always did when they reached the long beautiful golden hall.  He didn’t know why but… he felt connected to this place. It always held him whenever he saw it. Sometimes when he had time he’d come here and just sit and savor the golden light and the quiet,  King Asgore had caught him once, but had promised to keep it a secret for now as long as Sans promised not to wander anyplace else. 

He didn’t much like making promises he knew they were easily broken but he had promised Asgore because Asgore was very nice and he made Papyrus smile.  He sat with Sans sometimes, he always offered tea and a cookie and he didn’t ask any questions they just sat quietly until one of them had to leave.

As they approached the throne room door Gaster knew he was getting tense He looked at the boys once… then a few steps, again did the cloths fit?  A few steps, had they eaten? Yes yes they had … a few steps wait what about

“Relax.”  your voice jolted him out of his own head and he looked up at you golden eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Everything is alright the boys are doing great and so are you I have no doubt the king will be delighted by your progress.” you said reassuringly as he nodded the door being pushed open by monsters in strong suits of Armor that Papyrus gazed at with starry eyed awe.

“Royal guards…” he breathed Almost squealing when one of the guards, noticing his rapt attention gave him a ‘thumbs up’ which he had heard from very reliable sources at school was a very good sign and meant very cool things.  He quickly looked to Sans to see if his brother had seen the gesture but Sans had stopped.. Actually everyone had stopped. So Papyrus turned his attention to the room and gasped 

“Wow Look at all the Flowerys!” he exclaimed rushing forward before Gaster could stop him. He kneeled and introduced himself frowning when the pretty yellow flowers didn’t respond to him 

“Papyrus please don’t run off ahead like that.” Gaster said tempering the annoyance in his tone, He did not want the king to have any reason to feel they had made a bad impression but a chuckle from the other end of the room Made Gaster look up nervously

“It’s alright, He must like flowers.” Asgore said as he stepped from a room Gaster knew.  Beyond that door, was the barrier the covering of the only accessible entrance of the underground.  Long long before when they had first been sealed they had tried escaping through the ‘Hole’ Even establishing their first settlement beneath it hoping that might provide a way out… but it had not,  while it did not have a visible barrier anyone who tried to get to it had been stopped by a solid wall of magical energy, the mages had done their job regrettably well it had seemed.

“Your highness.” You said bowing your head respectfully  while Gaster stood awkwardly both wanting to step forward and afraid to, it was weird he had seen the man already but now here with the boys he felt strange, nervous and off center, it wasn’t a feeling he liked.  Before he could decide on a course of action however Asgore moved sweeping him into one of his Huge Bone crushing hugs.

“Welcome welcome, I have tea and cookies ready for everyone, I’ve been looking forward to your visit.” he said warmly as he released the Skeleton Before you could speak he drew you in to a hug as well, it was, still odd for you.  His open affection was so unlike what you where used to, and while you savored it, at times you wondered if you deserved it.

“Please no need for formalities now we’re simply having a visit Aren’t we children?” The goat monster asked turning his attention to Sans and Papyrus who seemed disappointed the flowers wouldn’t talk to him,  it struck you as odd he would think they would Ssnce they were so obviously not echo flowers but you brushed it off, he was so creative but still so naive to the world maybe he thought all flowers could talk like the echo flowers.

Asgore led you to a smaller side room where a table was set with tea and indeed more than enough cookies for everyone and to your surprise a small bowl of marshmallows… 

As you drank tea and ate cookies (Oddly the marshmallows had disappeared rather suddenly and you where certaine you had seen gaster slipping something in his inner coat pocket.)  Asgore questioned the boys about home, and school, and people they had met, Papyrus more than happy to regale the king of all of his ‘adventures’ all the friends he had made at school and how much he wanted to be a royal guardsman and be so cool everyone else would want to be his friend to.  Asgore seemed delighted to hear every word and only spoke to ask more questions or direct a question at Sans.

Papyrus would occasionally prompt Sans to speak up since the smaller skeleton seemed happy enough to just sit and listen to his brother.  Sans eventually told Asgore about his classes and how much he liked wandering snowdin in the afternoons and on weekends. His favorite food was fries at a neat place called Grillbys run by a fire monster and he liked reading the books Gaster had about space best, he enjoyed hearing about the stars.

Papyrus told Asgore all about the food fight giving him such a detailed account he only stopped when Asgore was reduced to laughing so hard he almost fell out of his chair just imagining Dr. Gaster covered in dirty fridge grot throwing food in such an undignified way ah it was just to much for him.  This must have been what he had ment in his journal entry about cleaning the fridge.

All in all it seemed Asgore was very pleased with the boys progress, once he had heard enough he gave them each another cup of tea and a seperate plate with some cookies and asked them to go out to the throne room while he spoke with the adults.  Papyrus had pouted a bit but when Sans suggested a game he followed his brother eagerly from the room.

Once the boys were gone things turned to more important matters, or so Gaster thought. He was about to tell asgore about the boys academic process when Asgore looked right at him 

“And how are you?” he asked before Gaster would get a word out

“What? Oh well.. I-I’m fine Perfectly acceptable, I have even eaten.” he said casting you a pointed look that you merely returned with an innocent smile. If he thought you were going to apologise for dragging him out of his room to eat he had another thing coming.

“That’s good, and sleeping?” Asgore asked critically Gaster sighed 

“I have been… sleeping better.” he aid finally it was embarrassing to admit, admitting he was sleeping better meant admitting he hadn’t been sleeping well before which was bad because he needed to be reliable he needed to be perfect everyone was counting on him he was…

“Excellent.  You’ve been looking much healthier much less stressed I’m very happy.” he said smiling in such a way Gaster felt his chest throb warmly Asgore was Happy, honestly happy…

“You didn’t need to worry about me you’re majesty I was perfectly…” he cut himself off looking away, perfectly fine, not sleeping, not eating, and preparing to commit atrocious acts against his own children…

“And what about you my Child are you well?” he asked turning his soft gaze to you, you smiled easily and nodded

“Very well, Gaster has been very accommodating considering I’m an extra body in his home, he’s been engaging with the boys a little more each day.  The boys themselves are growing in leaps and bounds so fascinated by the world it’s thrilling to watch them learn new things, I can see things I always sort of looks past with fresh eyes.” you explained Though Asgore didn’t seem to happy

“It’s good Dr. Gaster and the children are doing well but, what about you?” he asked again and you shifted blushing faintly

“I’m doing very well I already said that.” you mumbled quickly lifting your tea and taking a long drink avoiding his gaze you where fine, you were absolutely fine…

When he seemed to realise you weren't going to elaborate he returned his attention to gaster and they discussed things written in his journals Asgore asking for clarifications on a few things occasionally you would speak up filling in gaps where Gaster might not know something.

After a while of discussion You where asked to leave the room so Asgore and Gaster could speak privately, figuring it was about the core or something you left as asked sitting with the boys among the flowers you found yourself giving an impromptu lesson on photosynthesis and how plants on the surface had a far different structure to those underground and that was why your work in growing food was so important because most food couldn’t be grown underground by themselves because they needed special light and such.  That was why these flowers grew so well in the king's throne room not only did he care for them but the gaps in the ceiling allowed sunlight inside. Of course this prompted questions of, if there were gaps why didn’t monsters try and climb out that way which led to a discussion of the difference between human magic and monster magic and how the Barr-

_ “Asgore would like to see you as well.”  _  You stopped mid sentence as Gaster spoke one of his phantom hands lightly touching your shoulder.

You nodded standing leaving the boys in Gasters care as you made your way back to the room pausing at the door tails twitching nervously, fur on end.

“Please, come sit.” Asgore said he was gentler now as he spoke to you gesturing to a chair directly opposite him.  You approached slowly toes curling slightly with each step feeling the ground, an age old instinct preparing to flee even if you knew you couldn’t.

“W-was there anything else you wished to discuss your Highness I had thought everything would have been told to you by Gaster…” you said carefully He nodded

“It is, more than I think you know.  His journal entries are sparse thought they have been getting longer as he has gone along, I’m pleased with that.  He also wrote a bit about things you where doing for the boys and I’m pleased by how happy they are. Everyone is so much happier I have never seen Gaster look s at rest and those boys have opened up so much!... But.” his voice trailed as the looked at the tea on the table

“You’re not, are you?” he asked simply you sighed  looking at your hands

“I am… content.” you said softly “I wasn’t lying before, I like seeing the boys learn and there are moments when I forget everything and just enjoy myself… like the food fight or… the boys first day of school.” you said softly

“But?”

“But I still don’t think I deserve it…” you said softly Shifting weakly “I want to do my best by them.  Sans and Papyrus deserve to be as happy as possible and I am trying so hard to give them as much joy as I can, I teach and I tease and I play and it’s fun… but when their in bed and I’m alone and have time to listen to my own thoughts I know, they aren’t mine, one day Gaster won’;t need me anymore.” you said softly

“Not just Gaster, the boys as well… a day will come where no one will need me again, and I’m afraid of it.” you admitted shifting looking up you shook your head when you saw him about to speak 

“And don’t say I will be needed because you and I both know you’re wrong.  Because who wouldn’t need me? My work can be carried on by anyone else, I’m not a genius like Gaster and frankly don’t want to be, he has a whole host of his own problems after all.  The boys are learning and growing so fast they go out and find their own happiness now… Sans even holds Gasters hand sometimes, and Gaster is coming into himself more and more The boys help him more than I think he realises and soon I won’t be needed.” you said weakly laughing weakly

“I-I’m not helping them for me… I wasn’t… I just, needed to help, I needed things for them to be ok because they aren’t for so many people.  I wanted him to be ok. I’m so stupid…” you said softly no no not here not now you couldn’t…

“I’m so stupid…” you choked out rubbing at your eyes, stupid, so stupid. Just a worthless two tailed fox who had imprinted on children who weren’t yours.  Who had given your love to a man who had all the emotional capacity of a brick. Who had thought you were valuable but really had slotted yourself into the situation in a desperate bid to be needed… you were so stupid.

“I’m sorry I…” you bushed rubbing at your face you couldn’t tell him the truth, you couldn’t tell anyone, you couldn’t be weak you had to be reliable.  You had to do something, to not be the waste...

“I’m sorry sir, it’s been weird being back in Snowdin I guess it was weighing on me more then I realised.” you said offering a weak smile yes that would do.

“I-I know you must know about my situation and being that close after so long I guess I got a little overwhelmed.  I’m sorry, I don’t want you to think I can’t handle this, I can I enjoy it And Gaster was so kind to let me keep my plants at his place.” you said warmly because that’s what you where good at, you could smile and fake it, for everything you told Gaster about emotions lying through your teeth because the truth was you were never honest about how you felt, grief and sick guilt weighed so heavily if you accepted it you knew it would drag you under.

 

*

 

Gaster frowned a little deep in thought as Papyrus prattled on about… something,  What did Asgore need to discuss with you? He really couldn’t imagine what you could tell him that he hadn’t, you wrote reports as well of course but they couldn’t be that different, and obviously any questions about Gaster's well being could be asked with him there couldn’t they?  And he was doing what he was told!   
  
He ate, he slept, he was engaging with the boys, He found himself willing to engage with them occasionally seeking them out.  Speaking with Sans was enjoyable, the boy was able to match wits with him on a level he hadn’t had sine … since before the war.  And Papyrus, while he could be tiring, his confidence and utter fascination with everything around him was infectiouse at times,  he was so creative, Gaster had never thought there was space in his family line for creativity after all they were all very knowledge focused educated men and women of science, who had provided the best for their community and upheld impossibly high standards…

Regardless, the point was why did Asgore need to speak with you privately?!

“Is she in trouble?”  the question was so unexpected Gaster jumped

_ “What? No… what? Why? I… why would you ask that?” _ he demanded annoyed no he wasn’t worried that was absurd.  He looked at Papyrus who was watching him nervously

_ “Why would you ask that I spoke to him alone I’m not in trouble.” _ he said pointedly annoyed at himself, then seeing Papyrus looked away quickly his shoulders hunching in an all too familiar way Gaster sighed

_ “I… I’m sorry for snapping, No, she’s not in trouble.  She’s probably just telling him about your school security or something, or it could be her work with all the food.” _ he said  Papyrus looked over and smiled cheering right up

“It’s ok, you don’t snap much anymore at all, and if your scared your allowed to snap cause your not bad or mad your scared.” he said brightly his forgiving nature easily letting Gasters behaviour slide though Sans had given him what could only be described as a warning look.

“What did you talk about?” Sans asked pulling a little at the petals of a flower closest to him

_ “Hmm enrolling you in some university courses, since she seems to think my homeschooling you is such a bad idea, though your clearly not being challenged enough at school.” _ he said musing    
  
_ “Papyrus and you training I’d rather you didn’t fight but if a human fell you should at least know how to dodge attacks and protect yourself.” _ As he explained Papyrus beamed 

“Training you mean like a royal guard really?!” he asked jumping up and rushing over throwing his arms around the older skeleton with utter glee

“Thank you! Thankyou thankyou thankyouthankyou!” he said excitedly then gasped quickly letting go 

“Sorry I’m so happy my arms acted before my brain did.” he said looking at Sans excitedly  though Gaster noticed the smaller skeleton looked tired leaning back against his leg

“That's pretty awesome bro I know you’ll make a great royal guard.” he said softly Papyrus scowled   
  
“Brother you can’t nap now we’re still in Mr King Asgore's house.” he chastised Then sighed and sat   
  
“I guess it can’t be helped we have walked quiet far today and you are not much of a walker.” Papyrus said frowning as Sans had so easily slipped off to sleep Gaster sighed moving to gather the smaller boy up, he didn’t want to carry him home but he knew you would probably make a fuss if he woke the boy now so he let him sleep.


End file.
